WAH with OW/EA - advice wanted! :)

[Ben2010]

First you need to calm down about it. You should accept his invite by replying something like "yeah that sounds good" or "sure we can do that". If you go into it thinking that it will be a negative interaction, it most certainly will be.

You dont need to know what he wants to talk about. Youre WAY overanalyzing this whole thing right now.

Did you ever think that maybe since this is the longest that you have been apart, that he might be missing you??

Whatever you do here, play it cool, but accept the invite. You can even pick your own time if you want to when you do it. Maybe say "sure Im free after work on Friday" or whatever. Just an idea, but stop overthinking this.

[LisaB]

Thanks Ben! Terrific advice and just what one of my friends said.

I guess I am just terrified when I picture myself looking super hot, sitting on a bar stool with a drink in hand, smiling. And then him saying "so, um, yeah I have been seeing OW and everything is going great! Just thought you should know." And then picturing myself smashing my glass over his head and then running out of there crying and screaming like a crazy person.

Maybe I am indeed a crazy person.

Thank you for your advice, Ben. I think you are very right. I need to calm down.

[Ben2010]

When you go be calm and cool. He isnt going to tell you that things are going great between him and her. Think about that. Does that even make any sense? LOL, no it doesnt.

Go into it knowing that you are gonna have a good time, whether he does or not is up to him. You can be fun and light and attractive. Be easy going and let him say whatever he wants to say to you. If its just a light conversation that friends might have, then let it be that. DO NOT bring up the R at all though. If he talks about it, listen and validate. Dont argue your points or anything like that. BE FUN to be around. Leave him with a positive impression. Like my C says "make him have to come back to get more positives."

You arent crazy, just full of anxiety right now. I know this feeling well. Let it pass and think about how its a good thing that he is asking you out. Might not be a date but he also didnt say "we need to have a talk".

[LisaB]

Thanks Ben, I feel so much better. You are saying exactly what is truly in my heart, that he simply misses me (whether my friendship or the R) and wants to see me. I guess I just get paranoid and anxious.

I have been hoping and waiting (and BDing like mad) for a request like this since he left so it's pretty funny that once it happened I get all defensive and scared.

Thanks for bringing me back to reality. I hope you are right and I'm not going to just get another big old bomb dropped on me.

Big hug, Lisa

[loualea]

Hi Lisa
Good advice from Ben.. don't overthink it but be prepared to avoid R talk.. and remember the advice about being strong and confident..
Ending the meeting on a positive note, not draggibg it out so you get to see him for longer..
You can always schedule ahsin for later
And also this is not the last time you will see him.. there will be other times.. that helps to remember as well..

[pilot]

I would pick one of two paths to take. One, if you are concerned, tell him you can meet him for a short period of time, and make sure you leave when you said you would have to. This way you control at least the time, so if he does start rambling into how great OW is, you can listen, smile, validate, all the good DB stuff, but you will not have to do it for very long. If it turns out to be a good conversation and good news, still end it, but you can make a comment as you leave like 'this was nice, we should do it again sometime'.

My other choice, if I was a girl who was looking super hot, I would meet him at a bar that was full of guys who would hit on me. Trust me, guys will be watching if it looks like your H is annoying you, and will be more than happy to strike up a conversation with you while walking to the bathroom or something like that. Let your H see others fighting over you and it will cut him like a knife.

Best of luck!

[cq1]

Lisa, There are many ways to go about this. Ben and la suggestions are great support. Remember that it doesn't hurt to find out what his intentions are for this "catch up" meeting because you're not expecting anything, right? So go in there knowing your DB friends are right behind you. You have class and you have dignity. If any of his conversations hurt you, just smile. End it quick and get out. Like La says this wont be the last time you see him. Be mysterious, upbeat, and happy so he can wonder what he is missing. If he tries to hug you when he see's you, step back and avoid that because ask yourself does he deserve a hug...NO! Let him want.

[LisaB]

Thanks cq1, pilot & loualea for the great advice. And thanks again Ben.

I told him "sure, sounds good" and he immediately wanted to meet up tonight.

I have a very busy week so probably it will have to wait until next week anyway. I'll keep you posted, I'm sure I'll need some help before I meet him to get some calm detachment.

Thanks again for all your tips and support.
Hugs, Lisa

[cq1]

Hey Lisa, thanks for stopping by my thread. I left you a Reply there. Hope you're doing well. Take care.

[LisaB]

Hi all! Totally dumb question for y'all. And I'll probably get whacked with a 2x4 for asking this mind reading type question, but I'm curious what you think.

My H has been telling people "we broke up" or "we are not together anymore". And every time he says it he follows up with something like "we're still friends" or "we still talk". Even when he is flirting with someone.

First of all if you read my sad tale, he never actually split with me, just said he "maybe wanted space". So when he says we broke up that's not exactly true. Also bomb drop and subsequent move out was about 3 weeks ago. We have not spoken nor met up since he moved out, we have exchanged polite or casual text messages but I would not call it "friend". Especially since there is/was OW EA PA...

My question is, why is he so consistent in telling everyone that we are friends? How does that make him/it look better? Is it because he is trying to deny that he acted like a giant a hole and that he is unforgivable? Or does he truly think we are friend? Is he just trying to hang on to me in some way? Or trying to justify in his mind why he sends me a message nearly every day?

I know, dumb mind reading question and I shouldn't listen to anything he says. I'm just curious why he has this one consistent story.

I hope everyone else is doing great today. I've been up and down but doing pretty good. Let's hope it can stay on the good side for a while.
Hugs, Lisa