Okay so here's my question. How can I be the better choice when the OP is 22 years old and is a model with a damn near flawless body? My wife is finally getting the sex she's always wanted. It's partially my fault. I packed on the pounds after we got married and my wife lost her physical attraction for me. She said sex with me felt obligated and that I was the only one enjoying it. Even if I do get back down to my original marriage weight, which I am working on now, I will never look like the OP. Now that she's tasted that forbidden pleasure why would she ever give that up to come back to me? And even if she does give it up won't she always just be miserable and longing for that guy even when she is with me?
With that attitude you have about yourself then yes she won't come back to you.
It's good that you recognize some issues that you should work one. Attraction isn't just physical though. There's also confidence, decisiveness, leadership...etc. What other issues does your W have with you?
Also this is the 2nd thread of yours I've commented on. Keep your story in one thread. It makes it easier to follow.
Wrong attitude. You need to rebuild your self esteem first. You need to believe you are a great catch for your W or she never will. She married you so something about you is attractive to her. Forget physical appearances because they all fade. She knows it. Stop thinking about the other guy as a god. The way you described him almost had me wanting to date him and I'm not gay. Trust me, his farts stink just as bad as everyone else's.
Your W is in a fog and in the honeymoon stage of a relationship with this guy. Sooner or later he will show traits which are going to annoy her and she will annoy him. At that point she realizes the grass is not always greener.
Read DB and DR and follow the steps. They work! And if your M cannot be saved you will come out of this as a better person for your next relationship
Good luck!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Stick to one thread. You are jumping from forum to forum without listening to what's being said. You need to read the Board's policies b/c you've already broken one.
You need to read Divorce Remedy before you start with any plan of action.
Do not contact OM on FB!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Okay, so try to calm yourself so that you don't act out of panicked emotions.
Have you read Divorce Remedy? It's important that you do.
Instead of focusing on the OM, look deep within yourself and evaluate how you've been as a H. Many times, a woman will turn to another man when she feels lonely and her emotional needs are not being met. After years of living with unmet EN, It causes her to be vulnerable to a man who gives her the right kind of attention. So she's probably not in love with this man, but he makes her feel special. The more you try to attack him, the more she will defend him. He is really a byproduct of the problem that was already there in the MR.
Go to work on yourself......fast! Pull back and put no pressure on her by talking about the MR, OM, A, the future, how she feels, what she's going to do, telling her you love her, etc. Don't smother her with your presence, following her around, making contacts throughout the day. There is much more, but start with these.
Set goals for yourself. Not about her, just you. Write them out here. What can you do to find that man you were before M?
Get a life that does not include your W. Make yourself leave the house and find something to do. Buy some new clothes to fit after losing the weight. Make sure you look clean whenever she sees you.
Polish up your personality, manners, & charm. Break old habits that put you in a negative light or turn people off. Don't behave like a jerk. Regain your manly confidence and be a strong leader for your family.
During your soul searching, decide what you cannot live without.....and what you absolutely won't tolerate in you life. This is not to control anyone else. It is to protect you. Those will be your boundaries.
Others will come to help you. But you have to get this foundation before you start making some kind of big move. Those big moves can really make things much worse.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Okay, so try to calm yourself so that you don't act out of panicked emotions.
Have you read Divorce Remedy? It's important that you do.
Instead of focusing on the OM, look deep within yourself and evaluate how you've been as a H. Many times, a woman will turn to another man when she feels lonely and her emotional needs are not being met. After years of living with unmet EN, It causes her to be vulnerable to a man who gives her the right kind of attention. So she's probably not in love with this man, but he makes her feel special. The more you try to attack him, the more she will defend him. He is really a byproduct of the problem that was already there in the MR.
Go to work on yourself......fast! Pull back and put no pressure on her by talking about the MR, OM, A, the future, how she feels, what she's going to do, telling her you love her, etc. Don't smother her with your presence, following her around, making contacts throughout the day. There is much more, but start with these.
Set goals for yourself. Not about her, just you. Write them out here. What can you do to find that man you were before M?
Get a life that does not include your W. Make yourself leave the house and find something to do. Buy some new clothes to fit after losing the weight. Make sure you look clean whenever she sees you.
Polish up your personality, manners, & charm. Break old habits that put you in a negative light or turn people off. Don't behave like a jerk. Regain your manly confidence and be a strong leader for your family.
During your soul searching, decide what you cannot live without.....and what you absolutely won't tolerate in you life. This is not to control anyone else. It is to protect you. Those will be your boundaries.
Others will come to help you. But you have to get this foundation before you start making some kind of big move. Those big moves can really make things much worse.
Okay, so try to calm yourself so that you don't act out of panicked emotions.
Vince, I apologise for squatting your thread. Sandi, any way you can look at my thread as well in your own time? Others have been so good in supporting me, but we are all relative newcomers. I am at a crossroads and can't process this on my own, and I have choices to make soon...
Thanks in advance
M:37 W:38 No kids Together since 2006, Married since 2010 EA discovered 06/07/2014 W moved out 06/08/2014
