Is he stressed or is it the R? How to cope?

[LisaB]

Thank you, Maybell. I am not really doing so well, I honestly thought my H was too good for this type of behavior. I trusted him 100% and thought he would always be honest with me. I guess I am a fool.

I wish I knew something I could DO to make this better but I know only time will do so. It really isn't fun.

Thanks a lot for your message.

Love,
Lisa

[LisaB]

I guess one of the worst parts is that I know the OW, she is a wonderful, sweet, gorgeous girl and I consider her a friend. I wish I could look down on her and say she is just a .... but I know she is a great girl. I think that is what makes it scary, I can see why he is interested in her.
On the other hand, I consider her a friend but if she is trying to steal my man she must not be the best, most mature person out there. So maybe she does have a flaw or two. Hopefully she has a lot more flaws and my H will quickly realize that. I pray...

[watto14]

hi lisa, so sorry you're here, but the people here are all here for each other, My h left a couple of months ago, and I wish I'd found out about db before I made a lot of mistakes.
some days are going to be harder than others, but you sound like a really strong woman, and we're all in your corner

[LisaB]

Thanks watto14! All the words of encouragement have been so nice. I have been having quite a hard time these past 24 hours or so. I guess it will only get better from here? At least that is what I hope. If it gets worse I dont think I can manage.
Thank goodness for the great people on these boards and for my supportive friends giving me love IRL.
Hugs all around,
Lisa

[watto14]

I can totally understand, I've been struggling the past day too, it doesn't help that tomorrow my twins turn three and they're at their dads, it will be the first birthday of any of my boys I haven't been there when they wake up in the morning

big hugs to you

[Cadet]

if she is trying to steal my man she must not be the best, most mature person out there. So maybe she does have a flaw or two.

YUP!

However best not to obsess about the OW,
she is not your problem but only a symptom of the disease.

She is what we call affair down.

You need to LET GO and whatever is suppose to happen will.

[Georgiabelle]

What Cadet says.....

OW may have a PHD from Princeton, be sweeter than a cup of sugar, look like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, and sponsor hungry children in 3rd world countries. Doesn't mean she doesn't have something massively missing internally or mentally.

[LisaB]

watto14 - I am so sorry to hear you are struggling and that sounds so sad to be away from them on their birthday. But you know you are always with them in their hearts and souls! <3 Sending you good thoughts.

Thanks Georgiabelle and Cadet. You are so right. I'm not exactly jealous of her, it's just that I do see how my H could be interested in her. I mean, I wouldn't mind having her figure but I'm not bad either. I don't feel she outshines me but in my H's eyes she is a sparkling diamond right now. There's nothing I can do about the situation with them as you say, no need to obsess on her. Whatever will happen between them is now out of my hands.

I need to focus on myself but I am just not feeling so great. I can't seem to eat anything, as I am sure we have all experienced before in times like these. Drinking water even makes me gag. I'm sure it'll pass soon.

I'm also having some struggles within myself with wanting to spy and snoop. I know it really only harms me and makes me obsess but it's so tempting. And now that I have found out about OW and the resulting lies I also am struggling with wanting to tell the H off by calling or writing him and ripping him a new one. I have to remain strong and silent with no contact but it is SO HARD!

My girl friends and this board have been so supportive. I really appreciate that with all my heart.

Thanks all! Love, Lisa

[watto14]

I went through the exactly the same thing Lisa, the spying and snooping will destroy you, you may find out more info, but how much do you really want to know, how much more can you hurt? Whatever it is your h is doing, he has to own that, not you, and the more you snoop and spy, he'll either get better at hiding it or you will just start to look harder for things that just aren't there. I just about destroyed myself going through my H Fb messages, his emails etc, saw stuff that I didn't need to, and only harmed me in the process, please be kind to yourself and stop the spying....

[LisaB]

Hi watto14, thank you SOOOO much for your feedback. I agree. It is just really hard to resist. Especially when you have no contact, you just want to find out what is going on. But you are right, it harms you and upsets you when you do it.

I guess I feel on the other hand that knowledge is power. Otherwise I wouldnt know about the OW, and now I am armed with that info and can help me make better decisions perhaps?

I don't know... but I agree with you mostly! Thanks!
Big hug! Lisa