Hey Starsky... ok... then I will let it go!!! POOF!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
yesterday... he was a little teary & upset/concerned & talked to me about his concerns about being an only child & having to "care" for elderly parents. I just sat & listened. I did NOT say what I wanted & would have normally said "yes, this is what I thought we would be doing together, caring for our parents when needed or the time came"... I just listened. I can tell he is fearful that now he is 50 & taking care of his mom, this is what he wanted to avoid & will now be doing it "alone". >>>> DOESNT HE REALIZE I WANT TO BE PART OF HIS LIFE & WOULD HELP??
He left work early to go pick up his mom after surgery at the hospital, but ended up sitting there till 9:30 (as she had pain issues, they decided to keep her overnight)... he was texting my DD at the time & not once did he mention he was still at the hospital or that his mom was being kept overnight. <<<< Yes, it bugs me that he didn't tell me or her.
When he told me this morning... I didn't persist to ask WHY.
My mom says this is a "good thing" and that I didn't ask why too... I just don't see fully how & she is not good at explaining it.... any ideas?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Oh my. I just don't understand why you want to stay stuck. Actually, it's like you have super glued yourself to a stool and put it in quicksand. Why? Why?
My husband told me and our 3 kids he was going to work out of town for the next 2 weeks (I didn't buy it) . His girlfriend announced. their vacation started today. Question for you....,why did h do that? I know why. If my. 9 yr old D knew, she would know why h lied also. Why? Drum roll......it's his choice !
I hate to sound harsh. Why are you so desperate to buy what xbf sells? Even if it is a crumb? I'm sorry. I just struggle to see why you don't want more for yourself.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 06/27/1407:24 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I hate to sound harsh. Why are you so desperate to buy what xbf sells? Even if it is a crumb?
More COOKIES.
MM, when are you going to start valuing yourself? You are worth so much more than the crumbs of a cookie, but we've all said that to death. So from now on, I'm just going to post to you "COOKIES" to remind you when you are settling for crumbs.
hold on folks... I didn't buy it or take the crumbs. I held off on my usual comment/s!! I bit my tongue. I also just listened.. I didn't ask him questions (unlike me)
Please show me where I am taking a crumb?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
The fact that you are asking why about everything xbf does or doesn't do speaks volumes. Again, why didn't he mention he was at the hospital? Why? Because he didn't want to. And you are asking why the grill was out? Who cares?
I'll be blunt. If xbf wants you to know something, he will tell you. If he doesn't, he won't. End of story. Really. There are no ulterior motives or veiled meanings.
Again, he knows where you are.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 06/27/1407:48 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
exactly G'belle... BUT ... I have NOT taken the crumbs ... I am only venting on here.
Since the day he stated he mainly wanted a sexual R with me... I have dropped the rope. My actions match my words from that day forward. However, in HERE... I have posted what I have struggled with.
It is getting somewhat easier to let go & to really let him be "ON HIS OWN" .. not allowing him to have MM whenever he wants/expects on his terms. If we are not talking about business, daughter, mother condition....there is NO talk. However, I did "listen" to him express his concern about being an only child & parental care.
How am I accepting a crumb?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
You may not be persisting in your words with him, but in your own head you are still stick and heavily attached. Just because you haven't verbalized it to HIM, doesn't make you detached. You are still reading into things like grills, and cookies, and wondering why this and why that.
Inside of you, everything in your life is still hinged on him and the fantasy of what you believe your future with him should be.
You still eat, sleep, and breathe this man.
I could not for the life of me figure out why my ex would give up a like with his infant daughter and his wife . Why he didn't want to see her grow up full time, have family holidays, vacations, birthdays. I beat myself over the head trying to figure out why he would give up his life with us.
Then, with much urging I stopped. I just stopped. I accepted that he did not want his future up include me or his daughter full time. He just didn't.
So you need to accept your exbf does not see his future including you in the way you want it to.
Let that fantasy go in your heart and mind, then you won't wonder why he says what he says or does what he does. You need to see your future without him, and I don't think you have seriously sat down to figure out what that looks like
^^^^. Gabby said it much better than I was about to.
Outward actions begin as inward thoughts, MM. Until you change your inward mindset, you will continue to project "needy/clingy/smothering" to your xBF.
You have NOT dropped the rope. Not by a long shot.
Well... I can hear what you are all saying, however my outward actions have been happening because of what I am feeling inside too.
Still unsure where you feel I am accepting his crumbs? I didn't see him toss out any cookies either.
Inside I feel "I am worthy of more" & I am not "his" to have at his disposal. I dread being around him & look for ways to be out of his space. However, I still love him (not sure why anymore).
I don't believe I project "clingy/needy/smothering", especially in the last 3 weeks (and more so this week).
For example last night: He brought coffees, normally I follow him inside (as he opens up) and we sit across the desk from each other and he pulls out his cookies to share. Last night (and a few other times over the past 3 weeks), I decided to take my coffee & sit outside with my lap top & work. He sat inside, by himself. Also, at closing time, we were discussing foreclosure & how he may have to contact that female agent for her opinion (normally I would react jealous or enquire about her part - I DON"T anymore). We then got interrupted by a phone call on his phone (normally I would have waited & waited until he was done as to finish OUR convo), this time I waved bye and left. It was kind of rude how he dismissed our conversation to take a phone call.
Also, he goes out of his way pretty much daily to pick up coffee in town & buy's special cookies too. He does not live anywhere near the coffee shop. He does this to maintain "time" with me.
If he doesn't "want" me... all of me, I will not "give" him me.... anymore.
I understand from DB, that I have to fake it till I make it.... and that is what I am doing.
I do understand that I have inward work to still do. I know that letting go & behaving as such goes against my feelings for 20 years... I am naturally fighting against myself... I am working on this, with each thought that pops in my head. I am pretty sure I have begun dropping the rope. I understand that I have to accept that he doesn't want to be with me, however its hard to believe when his words have said otherwise. Yes, I know they are words. But, his confusion & how much it upsets him is what I see/know. I am still going to base it on he doesn't want me for now, therefore he doesn't get the "fun, loving, interesting, available, sexual MM" anymore! I am withdrawing because he is not behaving like a person who is deserving of ME.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
