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Thornton #2462424 06/22/14 05:33 PM
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Please refresh my poor nearly-50 year old brain, what did W say to you when she dropped the bomb. What were some of her issues?
Were you able to glean some info from her?

Wonka #2462425 06/22/14 05:39 PM
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She had been struggling maintaining her sobriety. 10 months sober but working any programs.

She appeared to be going through a depression but then would snap out it the next day and be happy go lucky.

When she left, we had been fighting a lot because she was disconnected from the R. She told me she "felt trapped in her mind", "Didn't love anything anymore", and "had nothing left to give". I kept trying to push her back into AA and therapy but that seemed to only push her away.

She was very sad when leaving, it wasn't angry at all.

Thornton #2462426 06/22/14 05:39 PM
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not working any program

Thornton #2462427 06/22/14 05:44 PM
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Are you working a program?


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
labug #2462428 06/22/14 05:51 PM
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I am. Ive been in therapy working on some codependency issues. Reading and highlighting sections in Codependant No More and reviewing with my therapist.

Thornton #2462584 06/23/14 01:53 PM
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I am bound and determined to have to have a good day today. I have made some small, positive steps in my sitch with WAW. It feels good to have at least some movement after so long with NC.

Today I'll focus on working hard, hit the gym after work, pick D up and then do some grocery shopping.

D and I have had fun watching old Family Feud re-runs. I forgot how funny that show can be. Hopefully there's more episodes tonight.

Thornton #2462600 06/23/14 02:32 PM
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Thorn,

Originally Posted By: Thornton
She had been struggling maintaining her sobriety. 10 months sober but working any programs.


How have you shown non-judgmental support to W in this struggle?

I kept trying to push her back into AA and therapy but that seemed to only push her away.

Therein lies the problem. You cannot force someone to attend therapy if they don't want it nor ready for it.

All of this makes me curious about your dating history.

1) Have you ever dated a relatively healthy woman without any addictions?
2) How long did you date W?
3) How did you meet her to begin with?

Wonka #2462605 06/23/14 02:40 PM
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Point taken, this is stuff I've been working on in therapy. Zero control over other people.

1. I have dated healthy women with no addictions before.
2. Dated W for 3 and half years
3. We are old classmates from high school and connected 15 years later on Facebook. We didn't know each other in high school but connected through our high school Facebook page. We slowly started posting on each other's walls and I eventually asked her out.

Thornton #2462606 06/23/14 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted By: Thornton
I am. Ive been in therapy working on some codependency issues. Reading and highlighting sections in Codependant No More and reviewing with my therapist.


Actually, I meant AlAnon or something similar.

Check for meetings in your area, those people know codependency issues.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
labug #2462616 06/23/14 03:04 PM
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Yes, I have been to some Alanon meetings as well. I have a hard time connecting in those meetings due to the repetitive nature of them. The first 20 minutes is spent reading the "codes and conduct of the group and reading all the steps". By the time that's over, we really only have 30 minutes or so for open discussion.

I'll try out some different groups and see if there are some other ones I can connect with.

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