What to do II

[MrBond]

Seriously? Read the books and learn the right way to detach. All you're going to do is waste your time reading about people who didn't detach the right way.

[Ben2010]

Im reading through your threads right now and some of the advice you got on here. One of the posts mentions a great thread on detachment. Just wanted to know if anyone knew which one it was as Im bored sitting at work right now.

[Wet]

Hi Ben 2010,

I picked this up from a post yesterday. I thought it might help:

"Detachment is caring about someone while seeing her as separate from you. It is a state of owning your own issues and letting her own hers without feeling responsible for helping her. If you are of the praying persuasion, it's growing out of "Dear God make her come back" into "God, please help us each to walk our own path in wisdom." It is what makes validating possible, because validating is the act of acknowledging her feelings, thoughts, and experience as separate from yours, and of equal validity.

Thought stopping techniques help. When you find yourself dwelling imagine a huge stop sign, for example. If you know a certain kind of day or activity will cause a trigger, plan ahead for it so you don't get stuck in it. Reach out to friends and family and let them know you need them, not to help with W but to help you get out, feel alive, be a part of the world. Make goals for yourself, things you didn't get around to because she wasn't into it for whatever reason. Spend time with your +2. Do things you never imagined you'd do, or that have been on your bucket list. Make a plan for each day, how you're going to be more like your ideal self and less like your every day self. Live as if you are happy until you find yourself actually happy. I know you don't believe it now, but it will happen. The world will look totally different to you when it does."

[Ben2010]

I like that. The part about "God, please help us each to walk our own path in wisdom." - scares the crap out of me. I have a very hard time even acknowledging that this could really be over. I know that I will have to face it soon enough one way or the other, but for now Im trying not to think about it. I also like the thought stopping technique there. I will be trying that and seeing if it works for me. And no MrBond that doesnt mean that I am going to skip reading the books. I am still in some sort of panic mode right now and very nervous about the whole situation and I cannot read them here at work.

Thanks for that Wet!

[Ben2010]

Thought I would repost this when I read it on one of MrBonds threads, a quote from gucci loafer that makes him my hero on here I think:


I know. The majority of men on here struggling just can't seem to let go. It is nothing more than low self esteem and lack of confidence. To top it off, I don't see much of a success rate with the tactics and methods the men are using on this site a working very well. We have men who have been on here from 2 weeks to over two years. Same methods being used by most all and same results happening to most all..

I guess the men who have been on here for so long just need a "little more patience" and understanding before she wakes up...

Maybe tomorrow huh? Maybe three years is the key......


All the while the simple facts and reality that the men who usually have the most succes getting the woman to come back are the ones who let them go the fastest and leave the woman alone the quickest. The men who go out and start getting a life, having fun, mingling and flirting with the opposite sex and living and loving life to the fullest. They stop whining, stop complaining, stop venting, stop journaling and START DOING..

Those are the men who succeed. The evidence is all around these men struggling, but they fail to see....

I wonder why that is?

[rayzzz]

[quote]
All the while the simple facts and reality that the men who usually have the most succes getting the woman to come back are the ones who let them go the fastest and leave the woman alone the quickest. The men who go out and start getting a life, having fun, mingling and flirting with the opposite sex and living and loving life to the fullest. They stop whining, stop complaining, stop venting, stop journaling and START DOING..

Those are the men who succeed. The evidence is all around these men struggling, but they fail to see....

I wonder why that is?

Good call Ben! Totally needed to hear this...I am sure many of us do. Gonna sharpie this on my wall.

[pilot]

Thought I would repost this when I read it on one of MrBonds threads, a quote from gucci loafer that makes him my hero on here I think:


I know. The majority of men on here struggling just can't seem to let go. It is nothing more than low self esteem and lack of confidence. To top it off, I don't see much of a success rate with the tactics and methods the men are using on this site a working very well. We have men who have been on here from 2 weeks to over two years. Same methods being used by most all and same results happening to most all..

I guess the men who have been on here for so long just need a "little more patience" and understanding before she wakes up...

Maybe tomorrow huh? Maybe three years is the key......


All the while the simple facts and reality that the men who usually have the most succes getting the woman to come back are the ones who let them go the fastest and leave the woman alone the quickest. The men who go out and start getting a life, having fun, mingling and flirting with the opposite sex and living and loving life to the fullest. They stop whining, stop complaining, stop venting, stop journaling and START DOING..

Those are the men who succeed. The evidence is all around these men struggling, but they fail to see....

I wonder why that is?

Powerful statement if true. I wonder if any other "old timers" would concur? If so, then it should definitely reinforce the idea of detach and GAL.

[Ben2010]

It immediately gave me a great sense of strength when I read it. Im glad it did the same for you guys. I think I will make it a point to read it everyday and especially when I am having a bad self-esteem day. It really let me drive all the way home from work tonight and not care that my W told me that she wasnt going to call me tonight and that she was tired. Normally I would think she was lying to me and get paranoid. I just laughed and let it go. I dont think I will bother answering her call tomorrow night either. Not as payback but just to let her know that I am not always available when she wants it.

[Ben2010]

Let me add that I will not be dating anyone else. That is the one line that I will not be crossing at this time. I just need her to know that I am someone who deserves to be happy and that it doesnt necessarily mean that it will be with her, but I am hers to lose for right now. She will have a set time frame from right now that I will see where we are at and reevaluate if need be later. If not then maybe it will be time to let go.

[Maybell]

Ben you don't have to assume that each of you walking in wisdom has to mean permanently walking away from one another. Lots of faiths believe God hates divorce. The point is that she's already walking her own path; the prayer is about acknowledging that every person walks his or her own path and you wish her wisdom in her journey. Hopefully the wisdom of her path leads to a restoration of your relationship together.