I'm w/ you on the slimming down K. I need to shed about 10 as well. The last few weeks I've been eating a lot of bread, which I cut out of my diet for several weeks. Then 2 weeks ago I bought a strawberry/rhubarb jelly, I just had to try it.... I've been eating bread, rolls and biscuits ever since. lol I'm back on track as of a few days ago, I just have to keep it up.
I hope the mediator finds that what you sent to be fair as well. Have a good week!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
MAJOR UPDATE- W's attorney sent over counter-offer in an effort to avoid mediation. W no longer wants house or furniture. She requested a bit more cash, which was reasonable. So I have instructed my attorney to accept the offer on my behalf.
Bittersweet day.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Avoiding mediation can be a good thing. I had to pony half the costs of fees involved. I honestly felt it was $300.00 well spent as it really showed just how fair my offers had been.
Good on you to avoid that part of the process. It sounds like she had a moment of lucidity... or her attorney did. I think you did well to weigh everything and accept her offer.
I like that you adopted the mantra of class, honor, and dignity. It seems to fit you well. I am glad to hear that you are still sober. That is just freaking awesome.
You will get through this. You will be a better man.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Our mediation was going to be much more expensive, $1k per side. I think the costs, coupled with it being on her birthday made her cave. I can't express how much birthdays mean to her, like she did something monumental by being born.
Anyway, I've already taken steps to refinance the house into my name alone, and am putting her requested items in the garage. I plan to get the locks re-keyed before she comes over to pick up her remaining belongings so she can't get inside the house. I will be classy and put all of her stuff neatly and cleaned in the garage. It will be my final loving act towards her, I don't feel that I have anything more to give.
I have no idea if Db'ing and LRT had any effect on her. In some regards, we have much less closure than other people's situations. That's just how mine played out I guess. I don't think the door is still open anymore if she were to change her mind. I couldn't ever put myself through this again, and I need an independent woman who can think for herself and be open-minded about things. While we should respect our parents, they shouldn't run our lives, and they aren't always right.
I know that I've gained great relationship tools to move forward with, I am just concerned about my selection ability. I thought I had a woman that would stand by me through it all. When I needed her she bailed. I'll have a hard time trusting again. I also will have a hard time sharing finances. I loved being the provider before and plugging money away, but she really used that against me in the divorce. She had laughed prior to our marriage when I mentioned a prenup, back when "divorce wasn't in her vocabulary." I know now to protect myself moving forward, that people change and talk is cheap.
I still wouldn't wish this on anyone, and will take awhile to come to grips with my new reality.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
You will learn to trust again. This is still pretty fresh so give the wounds a chance to heal.
I re-keyed the house after my XW moved out as she could not account for all the outstanding keys to the house. Probably a good plan for you to do the same.
What DBing did for you was give you a shiny new set of tools for your life tool box. You have a whole big world out there just waiting for you.
I think you have done well, kid!
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Mr CAS is right, you have done really well. I am glad your W & her lawyer had some sort of awakening.
I totally understand you on the selection skills...and trusting. It will be hard but it's a choice that you will make again one day when you're ready.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
W's lawyer sent over the signed divorce decree today, I'll be signing this evening. Unknown how long it takes until it's official but I've already filled out the settlement check and her lawyer is drawing up a QDRO for the transfer of IRA assets.
Sad it's come to this.
On a better note, went out with a new woman on Tuesday night to see a live jazz big band at a local brewery that has good food as well. We had a great time, and she seemed interested in hanging out again. She's a Dr. and 25 years old, so seems independent and like she has a lot going for her.
Also, the work woman has now transferred to my area as of tomorrow, so that might complicate things. I've been LRT'ing her, see lots of the techniques we learn here can help in future situations!
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Thanks Thornton, I can tell you when this started I didn't do as well as you already are. I could not maintain no contact, I would always make up a legit "reason" to contact her. I learned after a couple months and went dark. She never came around, and you'll have no control over whether your strategy works or not.
There is one thing we know though, and that begging, pleading and crying will not work and will only push her faster and further away.
While I'm not necessarily a marriage saving success story, I am a rediscovered my self-worth story.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I was once married and she ended up leaving. I learned shortly thereafter that there was an OM. I was devestated.
I feel into a deep depression, started drinking and smoking pot just to make it through the day. Eventually I recovered and met someone.
It was almost to the day that I developed strong feelings for my new girlfriend that my Ex started contacting me. It was surreal! My ex LOST HER MIND! Stalking me and my girlfriend, threatening suicide etc. Threatening to take my kid away. It was insanity in the truest sense.
The point is, let her go. She may come sniffing around, and when that happens, YOU will be the one in control. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex reaches out one day. Not surprised at all.
