Wife's mental illness and hard decision

[SemperFi00]

Hey there LT, just thinking about your situation.

Let us know how things are going when you have a minute.

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks for asking SemperFi,

I am very busy with my daughters right now. It has been quite a change for me to have them home. I am enjoying it greatly. Spending time with my kids are my GAL activity for now. I hope to do some things for myself soon, but they come first.

I have not talked to my wife in a month now. My only attempts have been regarding health issues with my girls and even then she won't respond. I suspect part of it is her anger that the kids are all with me and not having any issues or acting like I am a psycho. She so tried to convince them I was dangerous. They are seeing the truth now and I don't believe feeding into my wife families issues. I think given the option of living her or in a cramped apartment they will choose here. I have another appointment with DCF tomorrow,but expect things to continue to go fine.

So my life has just about come full circle except for my wife. I can accept that. Her problems are hers and I won't allow her to push them onto me again without a fight. I do pray that she gets the help she needs and will heal.

[Lifes Twists]

Well, I just found a court summons that was dropped off with my youngest today. I was expecting it. From the date on it I can see my father in law rushed my wife down to an attorney almost as soon as she got out of the hospital. I am at peace with this right now. I have to concentrate on my kids and get primary residential custody of the youngest. I don't feel my wife can handle it emotionally nor do I feel my children should go through that again. I have emailed my attorney and will ask him to file a counter claim to give me the decision in the end if she falls apart again.

[SemperFi00]

Stay strong!

[labug]

I just caught up on your most recent happenings. You've certainly been through the wringer and it's probably going to get worse before it gets better.

Keep the focus on you and your Ds and what you can realistically do considering the circumstances.

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks labug,

Surprisingly I left well last night. First time in quite a while.I think its because some of the unknown has been lifted. I also think I am more at peace with the direction now than I was a year ago when it all started. I know now the wife has to go down her own path that she has chosen to go down. I also feel I have a better handle on how far her mental illness has progressed and know she needs help that is beyond my abilities. I do wish her well.

I meet with my lawyer tomorrow. He gave me a surprisingly low retainer. He feels comfortable that a lot of the ground work is already done her lawyer will be doing a lot of catching up since he is new to the situation.

Almost all of my focus is on my girls right now. I think they are feeling better now than they have in quite a while. My next issue will be keeping them here and not thrown back into the emotional pit that is the apartment with my wife. I hope that the court will assign their primary residence with me. I should know by the end of the month.

[labug]

I know now the wife has to go down her own path that she has chosen to go down.

Do you think your W chose this road? How's that? It seems she has a pretty active mental illness right now, something that's probably out of her control.

Your Ds are soaking all this in and how you respond to your W's illness will be with them forever. One of them may have depression (or something else) in the future.

She will always be their mother, always. Compassion and acceptance goes a long way and touches our succeeding generations.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi labug,

What i wrote did not come out the way I meant it too. I actually do know it is an illness. I have stuck by her through many ups and downs as this illness has progressed. I spend a lot of time with my daughters right now and explain to them that it is an illness and we need to all pray that their mother gets the help she needs to over come it and get better. I have stood by her through a lot including this past year and been consistent in not running her down and in my support of her even though she had left me. I m trying to set the example for my daughters to not abandon someone when things go bad and that family comes first no matter what. I think that the fact they are all back living with me including my oldest and are seeking guidance from me speaks volumes to my efforts. I still don't want a divorce and have hopes for the future. I have to do what I have to do to protect my daughters for now. I met with my attorney this morning and left with the understanding that everything would be to protect the girls and that I wanted my wife to suffer as little to no emotional suffering as possible. I am not even asking for child support. All I seek is to be able to stay in the house till the kids are through school as they have been uprooted enough. I am asking to not pay alimony because I need the money for the kids. I asked that her car be paid off or refinanced in order to remove my name so my credit is not damaged anymore than it has been. I need it to be good enough to co sign student loans for my daughters as my wife has destroyed hers this past year. I am not asking her to finish paying me so I can pay off the loan I took to pay off her attorney from the last go round. I think I have shown a lot of compassion and acceptance and hope my girls will learn from my example and be able to do the same if they ever have to.

[Lifes Twists]

So, I am sitting here this warm afternoon struggling with what to do. I met with my lawyer and he says that my wife actions have actually simplified the divorce. You might think I am relieved with that, unfortunately I got more difficult news to deal with. I met with my pulmonologist and he gave me some news that made me sit back. I have never smoked in my life. Apparently I have a life threatening lung condition. They are still trying to give it an exact name. he told me that he wants to determine if I will need a lung transplant as soon as possible as the wait is a long one.

My struggle right now is do I tell anyone. I can't tell the wife due to her issues. I don't want to upset the kids as I am seeing them getting a bit settled after a year of upheaval.My parents are too elderly and won't handle it well and just make the situation worse. I am trying to apply some of what I have learned here and trying to detach from it a little till I know more. Just when I thought some of my life was getting on a better track something else comes along.

[Bunches]

LT, so sorry to hear your ill. I'm sure it couldn't have come at a worse time, but you seem to be handling it well. I think setting it aside until you know more is the right thing. You can't leap to conclusions if Dr.'s aren't able to give you any facts yet.