I will suggest that though her actions don't deserve much consideration, the high road is to tell her your intentions.
In fact, I like the trailer idea as an option BEFORE you list the acreage!
Use it as an experiment on being in that town AND it doesn't commit you to moving when things change (as they invariably do) when the dust settles from the custody/sep agreement.
My two cents.
And now I wait to see if THIS post is made irrelevant by time delay of 'approval'
Control is impossible Detach from the emotion of this Be your natural self Earn back your self-respect Assign responsibility equally Realize this process will improve you
Thinking of sending her a message saying something like this (BTW I'm emailing her directly now which she isn't objecting to. She still is responding via her mother, ie I send to her, she responds by sending her response to her mother who forwards the message to me )
"I'd like to let you know what I'm planning for the coming week. I agree that we don't need any surprises from each other and I really hope we can work together.
I will be pulling the trailer over to Your Town and parking it there for the next month or two at least until I have purchased a new home in the area. I will then be keeping the kids with me from this coming Friday after school until the following Friday after school. My Dad will be coming for part of the time to assist with the kids while I am working. The kids will of course be in school as usual and follow the same schedule they have been."
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Thanks Drew. I make my case for why I'm thinking what I'm thinking. I definitely have taken a lot of the advise I've received on here and been thankful for it.
How do I work with my W on going forward if I don't think about how she may react to something? Doesn't MWD talk a lot in her books about looking to the past at what did and didn't work and then changing our interactions with our spouse based on that? If I was controlling and inconsiderate in the past isn't it a good idea to continue with 180's on those?
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
When you stop being afraid of your W, the answers will come clearer to you. You are still paralyzed by fear and guilt in my opinion.
Do I tell her?
What is she gonna say or do?
What if she says no?
What if...what if..what if....
First, stop thinking and trying to coparent with her! I know it sounds harsh. Here is the thing...are you co parenting or are you just doing what SHE wants. A difference buddy. A big difference.
Co parenting takes TWO people. Yes, there are two people involved but who is the one that keeps making all of the changes? Hmmm....
To answer your question more directly....
I would email her and let her know....
"I will pick up the kids on X date. I will drop them off to you on X date and time."
That is it. No "I hope we can work together"...no..."let's do this for the kids"....no ..."we can be a team".
Right now Scorp, the team is YOU, the kids and YOUR attny. She is NOT on your team. Actually, if you are willing to do everything she says, whenever she says, however she say..well them you can be on her team.
Does this help?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Yes, that helps for sure. You're right eric, I am still living with fear and a whole pile of "what ifs". The guilt is still there too. It seems I'm still on a roller coaster with doing better and then falling back.
It feels so odd to not tell her more about my plans since that is what I would expect from her when it comes to the kids. DB is counterintuitive so that must mean telling her less is the right thing to do .
It is SO hard to try to stop mind reading. All that comes to mind when I consider telling her my plans before hand is that she will flip out, deny me access to my kids and that I'll make my sitch worse. How do I stop that thinking???
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
I'm afraid that by telling my W I'm going to do something that she hasn't agreed to she will cut my contact off from my kids entirely. She's done it before. It seems in some ways that she has lightened up a tiny bit in general, it's all been on her terms though for the most part. If her lightening up is a trend that will continue then perhaps in time she'll agree to what I've been proposing to her.
By telling her I'm keeping the kids for a week she may just decide to withhold them from me entirely. It may also lead to her getting a custody order right away as well.
Like eric said, what if, what if, what if....
I don't want to do anything to make things worse.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
)
.