Sigh. I'm so glad that you have asked for forgiveness. Problem is? I don't see you actually receiving any forgiveness. When people tell me that they are asking for forgiveness, I think that they are confused. I think that they are really asking for an opportunity to change things. On a conscious level, people know this is impossible and they can't turn back the hands of time. On a subconscious level, though, I think that they are really seeking precisely that which is impossible - to go back and change it. Please receive forgiveness. Please forgive yourself. There is nothing more you can do other than change your behavior (the true sign of being contrite). You have obviously made great strides in doing so. Oh and that humility lesson? It's the best one we can have. Another lesson in humility? You aren't God. You can't turn back time. You can't change the past. You don't get to make decisions for others. But you do get to make decisions for you! Funny, isn't it? We want to make all the decisions for others, but we have such trouble making decisions for ourselves. Make the decision to play the cards that are in your hand instead of wishing you had other cards.
Soooo... one day my husband came home. Only I didn't want him home. I was still pretty angry and not at all thinking very healthy. Plus we have the added complication of alcohol addiction.... but I digress. I dated a guy very briefly during our separation. Guy was awesome. Had 2 beautiful daughters (my chance to be a step mommy!), was so handsome, very witty, very fun, independently wealthy, even came armed with a seminary degree (did it in his spare time - unbelievable!)... There were a few issues, but on paper, boy he was so wonderful... Thing was? Relationships don't happen on paper, they happen in the heart.
OM is not better than you. He might be better than you for her (and boy I know that still hurts), but not better than you. We waste precious time with these comparisons because they are so meaningless. And for me? Despite what the paper said, my husband was ultimately right for me. This had absolutely nothing to do with the wonderful guy, but had more to do with my connection with my husband. It's a hard pill to swallow, I know. But you can't view this as not being good enough because it has nothing to do with that. It's about 2 puzzle pieces fitting together. I have no idea whether or not your ex is thinking clearly now to understand if OM fits her better. All I do know is that if that's the case, it doesn't diminish your worth one iota. She doesn't get to decide your worth. You do. Again, it may sound like I'm offering platitudes, but it's more eternal truth.
Also, can you please stop apologizing about your need to come here and talk this thing out? That's about the healthiest thing you can be doing. Stop calling yourself pathetic. Pathetic is someone sitting in their room by themselves wallowing in self pity and refusing to do anything to dig themselves out. I know. I did it for awhile.
