Yeah. I know you guys are right. I feel like I am just waiting for the ship to sink to be honest. He is still lying so much! And not even bothering to try to cover his tracks anymore. He is using our joint bank account to shop nowhere near where he says he is staying. It's ridiculous.
Ok he is lying and? He is sleeping with OW and? He doesnt live with you anymore and?
Just answer this question...how was Beersha before this guy came to her life?
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
You know what ye21? I can barely remember. I had a large, varied circle of friends, and was always busy, always out visiting someone, doing something. I am trying to get that back but it seems much harder 10 years down the road.
I am trying to force myself out there, but it's hard, especially with my guys in tow. But I am getting there and there are some super kind people out there.
I just don't know what he is hoping to achieve by moving home. He says no hope to reconciliation, so why come home now, 3 months after he made the break. Isn't it a big step backward for him? I feel like he is pushing me backwards. Trying to upset things all over again. Regain control for himself b
First part of your post was going on the path... In the second you go back to why? Why?
No idea why but only time will give you the responses...the universe will take care of the answers when you are ready to listen to them... Meanwhile lets focus on you, dont "force" yourself this is not a "forcing" recovery....its as simple as accepting the pain...
PAIN ITS RECOVERY... If you suffer you are healing.... If you fall and you break a finger it hurts right?? The sane ones dont hurt right? So this is it, it hurts a lot but it will get better... Accept all you, if you dont feel like doing nothing dont "force" yourself, things will happen.
My recomendation? Find a CoDependent anonymous group or some group like that, or even al anon, just because there is people there who suffered a separation like you and you can vent without being judge its a good way at least for me to not feel so isolated..
Again this is your recovery and everything will happen the way its suppossed to happen... Read DR books , watch Michelle videos and call if you have money one of the coaches!! Work on yourself and thats all that will bring you peace...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
You know what ye21? I can barely remember. I had a large, varied circle of friends, and was always busy, always out visiting someone, doing something. I am trying to get that back but it seems much harder 10 years down the road.
You're very young for being here. That's a good, lucky thing - b/c as bad as you feel now, trust me when I say it is far worse if you remain in this situation for another decade, only to realize you might have found your authentic self now, and you wouldn't be shutting off the possibility of meeting OMs who CAN meet your needs b/c you won't be stuck here...
You say it "seems much harder 10 years down the road", and I get that. But the thing is, it won't get easier than it is now. It only gets more difficult, so more years of this don't make it just happen.
You have to make it happen and the sooner, the better.
I am trying to force myself out there, but it's hard, especially with my guys in tow. We know it's hard. We know It's not easy. You still have to do it. It's not helpful to keep telling yourself how hard it is, how you "don't want" this, etc. You still must do it.
But I am getting there and there are some super kind people out there. Yes there are some wonderful people out in the world. Wonderful men, wonderful women, great friends, super funny folks, smart people, etc.
I just don't know what he is hoping to achieve by moving home. He says no hope to reconciliation, so why come home now, 3 months after he made the break. Isn't it a big step backward for him?
2 things: Stop wondering WHY he is doing/planning/saying anything. Stop being in HIS sandbox. There are no answers that you will find satisfying. Period.
Stay in your sandbox. And as for his reasons, who knows?
All we "know" is he'll save money, and perhaps improve/keep his R's with the kids. This is not so surprising to me.
However I would take it as a chance to show my new self to MYSELF and that's it. I would not stare at him to see if he's noticing "NOW???" I'd just practice for myself. Mini tests and make sure you pat yourself on the back when you do well.
BTW, did you read the last post I sent you? It was long. I don't recall any responses from you but there are guidelines in the post for you to consider following. I got them from my DB coach, who was a Godsend.
I feel like he is pushing me backwards. Trying to upset things all over again. Regain control for himself b
He's not doing anything to you. To help you move forward, see the 4 agreements below. (#2 is particularly useful to recall in order to detach.)
You must detach, and GAL helps with that a lot. So do these--- The Four Agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Thank you for your post. I am trying to stop focussing on him. I know that I cannot move forward unless I do. The four agreements are very good, I am trying not to take things personally, but I'm struggling. I've been talking with my IC about it. I can't help but feel I must have done something so bad, so awful to make him do this. To make him so angry and hate me so much so suddenly. He won't share anything. I have stopped asked, we barely communicate to be honest now, unless he initiates it.
I am also bad at trying to mind read or predict what is happening. What it means. I know it isn't useful, and it's most likely wrong. I am getting better though. I don't wonder where he is anymore or who he is with.
I am trying to do my best. And I know I need to work out what I want. I need to figure out what I want now. Except I have no idea. What I really want : my children to be raised by both their parents, in a loving home, together. I want my husband, the man I married, come home. But it seems unlikely I will get what I want. Do I need to figure out my plan b? I have no idea what I want, except for my children and myself to be safe, loved and happy.
I am doing my best to achieve it and I am doing better. I have far less days where I am sad. I can see that I am actually ok now. So I can only be better as time goes on. Either with or without him. It's just still a bit raw I guess when I think too far ahead about what may happen.
Hi all. I am trying to keep my anxiety in check. He told me earlier this week that he is coming home to stay in the spare room not just for a week, but until 'things are sorted'. I am so nervous now. I know what I have to do, I guess I'm just nervous and scared. I'm so uncomfortable around him now.
Part of me wants to see this as a tiny positive baby step. DR says it's much harder if your spouse has physically left the home. But I also know not to have any expectations. If anything, I expect things to continue as they are, down this path. I don't even really feel all that hopeful anymore.
Its funny, I'm not afraid of parenting on my own. I know I can do it, and that I'll do a damn fine job. I am afraid that I will be alone now. Is that weird? Should I feel that way already? I don't want a new relationship now, don't get me wrong. I guess I'm just lonely.
I wanted to ask 25, I looked back at your threads, and it's amazing how you guys got through it. It seems like despite all of it, your husband was incredibly selfish, but he loved you through it all. My H says now he has zero love for me. Not even ILYBINILWY. I guess I wonder how you come back from that?
So he came home tonight before his night shift. He put the kids to bed, they were delighted. He didn't say a single thing to me until he left for work. (And even that was just to lock the door behind him). I didn't try to engage him or speak to him. I just carried on doing what I was doing. (It wasn't much, just relaxing on the sofa watching tv). Is that the right thing to do? It feels very strange, it's do uncomfortable.
Well, his coming back home will present a different dynamic for sure. Expect nothing. I'd advise you not even to think of it as a baby step - do not get your hopes up just yet. There is a long, long way to go.
My WAW never left. She talks to OM every day. We sleep in same bed every night. It is very strange.
You have to stay detached. The common advice seems to be to treat them like a roommate. You are polite, responsive, but not overly eager to see him, and not clingy or prying. You just happen to live at the same address.
The upside is that he will see any of the consistent changes you have made in yourself. Keep doing that. Keep your PMA. That may be easier if he is around to help with parenting to give you some relief.
The downside is that this is a strange situation. From the outside, everything looks like a family. From the inside, it is anything but. Don't let yourself fall back to old patterns just because he is there and it may feel natural. It's time to double down on LRT.
At least, as I see it daily. Good luck. You've already come a long way.
its a good way at least for me to not feel so isolated..