No she doesn't speak of divorce, she's not that direct...about anything. And anything she does say will go in circles as she runs away when you try to talk.
But her priorities speak very clearly that she's not interested. For example the time we had lunch was quite a merry go round of times and dates. She's with her friends and has plans any night of the week. Weekends are booked as well. Lunch is possible, but she's too busy any day except this one day. Why? It's not a priority. Her friends are a priority. Partying, clubbing, Caribbean holidays with her friends, these are a priority. Trust me, she has lots of time for them; she'll reschedule things with me for them and time with them is carved in stone.
2s2q, you're really pushing the "reasons to hate W" agenda lately, I'm curious if you're trying to convince us or yourself? The stuff you're telling us is no revelation, it's all right out of the WAS playbook (1st edition). All of the above is a reflection on how she feels right NOW. Tomorrow, who knows? Quit focusing so darned much on her WAS state-of-mind, that is not who she was and is probably not who she will be, it is just who she is right now. That's why DB'ing focuses on US, because we can't change or fix them. We can't snap them out of it. We can only influence them slowly and indirectly by changing ourselves.
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I recently made the mistake of asking her if she'd be interested in spending a few days alone together.
I'll try to get her to explain further and understand but as soon as I try, she does the verbal version of a squid spraying ink to run away from a predator.
My W and I are trying to work out the details of the D right now. When I send her an email I get no reply. When I call she doesn't answer. When I bring it up face-to-face she deflects. Why? Who knows, she was the one that wanted D so bad and now when it's in her grasp she suddenly is in avoidance mode. It only takes one to D, if you're done with your W then that's your option to pursue. But you don't need to convince us it's "right", we might try to talk you out of it initially just to make sure you've really thought it through, but in the end we support people here even if they decide to pursue D themselves.
I'll leave you with a story, those that read my threads probably remember my buddy that is reconciling with his W. I had lunch with him a couple of days ago and each time I usually ask for more details about his sitch. He and his W barely spoke for over a year (he says it may have been closer to two years). She said he was the reason for everything wrong in her life. She couldn't stand him. He was mean, treated her poorly, didn't respect her, he caused famine and global warming and everything else. After almost two years of NC he realized it was over and got on with his life. Then out of the blue she called him and asked him out to a movie. He went just as a friend. I still remember when it happened several years ago, he thought it was odd but just shrugged and went. It was a good 6 months before things became intimate again, but she recently told him that she knew at that movie that she was in love again. Now he is the greatest thing that ever happened to her. She has totally FORGOTTEN all the bad things that a few years ago were all she could REMEMBER. Now all she can remember is that they've ALWAYS had a great M!
So remember that. Your W feels that way RIGHT NOW. Don't react to her feelings. Work on you because her feelings may change, and if they do you want her to look back at a road to you that's paved and smooth.
Thanks for sharing that story, AS. Very inspiring and brought a smile to my face.
25-LOVE your perspective. You are amazing. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to help those of us that are struggling. I hope I can do the same some day
2S2Q-I can relate to your feelings of frustration, but reread 25's posts and then review yours. You DO have a lot of positives that I feel you are overlooking by being so frustrated. Review your 180's and strive for YOUR happiness. The happier I feel, the better I feel about my sitch. I'm doing everything I can right now to have only positive thoughts and it really helps. I agree with you on feeling lonely. I long for someone to share my day and cuddle with. But that's just more reasons to be the best me.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
My pleasure, glad you all found it inspirational The buddy in question has been a good friend for over 20 years. He is a really nice, laid back guy. I can't remember ever hearing him raise his voice or show anger. Hard to imagine his W could have laid so much fault on him, it just made no sense. Sometimes WAS's complaints are valid and sometimes they're just spew from the fog. His reconciliation had more to do with giving his W time and space than any changes he made in himself, because he really didn't make any changes. He just stayed true to himself and he left her alone. I'm not saying we shouldn't change ourselves, we should always strive to be better. But his story highlights that the WAS's path is just as much about their personal journey as it is about the LBS doing things to draw them back.
Agree 100% with that A.S. In my case my W does have a beef and it's something that certainly has to be corrected (I have a temper but have never hurt her). BUT, that one thing snowballed into so many little things with her for a while to where all she could do was focus on negative things.
And I've been trying to reverse that cycle for a few weeks now. With SOME results. Still a long way to go.
Me: 33 W: 27 S: 5 D: 2 Bomb: 1/2/14 First Separation: 1/25/14 MC: 2/7/14 (one time only) Moved Back in: 3/31/14 W says she wants a divorce and moves out: 7/26/14 Appt to sign dissolution: 12/30/14
Agree 100% with that A.S. In my case my W does have a beef and it's something that certainly has to be corrected (I have a temper but have never hurt her).
What would your wife say to this statement? ^^^ I mean, if you have a temper, it must show. So, what happens? You have never hit her, is what i assume you meant when you said you'd "never hurt her". I'd bet a lot of money that you have hurt her. Just wanted to mention that you have to be careful with your glossing over....
BUT, that one thing snowballed into so many little things with her for a while to where all she could do was focus on negative things.
And I've been trying to reverse that cycle for a few weeks now. With SOME results. Still a long way to go.
Not sure if this will give false hope or just inspiration, but I recently saw the movie "Stuck In Love" and it deeply resonated with me and my h. (Our d16 picked it!!)
But I'm not now in the midst of the whole "DB Ordeal" atm, so perhaps my perspective enables me to see that movie and simply feel happy in a bittersweet way.
I recommend it also b/c it shows the kids perspectives too. Check it out if you think you need more patience in your situation, b/c the movie will inspire you to do that, I hope.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25, I actually ordered it. its on the way (along w/ Riddick and a sex how-to video)
interesting movie night!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
