Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This is my ultra brand new and improved list of links.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC as rewritten by HB from Jim Conway are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
I would not ask her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Knowledge is Power"
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Here is the post again with the 3 links that dont work FIXED.....
Originally Posted By: job
Here is Cadet's welcome to our Forum posting.
Welcome to this board.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC as rewritten by HB from Jim Conway are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
I would not ask him anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Well h strolled in at 5:45 this am and grabbed himself a cookie. Huh? Says he has no food in his apt.....
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Probably just checking whether you started to rid your home of things he may have left behind or things from your former M to him that might show that you are just fine with the fact he left and are moving on and getting a life of your own.
Or maybe he is missing you. Really soon for that but it has happened like this with WAS before I am sure.
Just keep DBing and just observe what you see.
My IMC told me to do the same thing and it has helped me stay the course for the most part. Things aren't improving much if at all with my sitch but it is not going backwards either.
Good Luck!! I am rooting for you and your kids!!
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
H is still very snippy and angry at me. He mumbles stuff under his breath. Kids and I are doing okay, but I am very concerned about my D9. She is at her grandparents this week so it has just been me and my 2 boys.
H discussed wanting a more "permanent" schedule as he doesn't want the kids to be confused.He also said that he didn't want them to wonder where they would be. Huh? H says some crazy, contradictory things sometimes. He sent me a text yesterday saying that he had kept his promises and has done all the things he said he would. Maybe he had been watching Lifetime movies. Honestly, I didn't respond as I had no idead wtf he was referring to in the text.
Anyway, h always grandstands about how he would never be late but got to the house at 6:15 this am. He said he would be there by 6.
Detachment is going well, but I do need to work on detaching with kindness. I probably come off as a little cold to h since he did refer to me as an emotional desert. I need to work on my empathy and compassion. Admittedly, I've (expletive) in that department.
I see the turmoil in him but that is for him to work on. I gotta focus on me and my little peeps (and my furry peeps). Thanks for stopping by:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks Job! I love reading these links frequently. I try (but slip) to stay on track.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
We all have had "slips" along the way. It's one step forward, two steps back...but you will learn what works and what doesn't for your situation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Can I ask a question? I'm living as if. I'm moving furniture, taking down photos ( not just h) but most photos. Is this too much ?
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
