"in what universe...?" part 6

[TryingToDo180]

Sorry to hear about your sister MH Like you said, she should have left years ago.

[MileHigh]

Yeah. Sadly, both sons became alcoholic and one is now dead as a result, in his 20s. And still everyone thinks BIL is a fun drunk and the coolest thing in town is to hang around in his shop - might as well be classified as a private bar or pub.

[TryingToDo180]

My cousin was an alcoholic and he died when he was in his 30s. He was only a few years older than me. He died falling down the stairs when he was drunk, but he was a serious alcoholic. If he couldn't find any booze to drink then he would drink meths.
I've just spoken to my mum on the phone, she is so annoying me at the mo! she keeps bringing up H every time I talk to her, today she was asking if he still does odd jobs around the house for me. No matter how many times I ask her not to talk about him, she insists on talking about him! Grrr, it annoys me so much!
I'm not telling her yet that I've given up on my M, this will just make her worse. She'll then start going on about how he wasn't right for me, etc. I don't want to hear that right now! We have had some good years together and you can't just dismiss 21 years of marriage together! I just wish she would move on like I have done

[Not Quitting]

Unfortunately, like any other addiction, an alcoholic doesn't see they've got a problem and no one can help them while they've got that mindset. Kinda like MLC.

Your mum only means well TTD. It's the momma bear instinct coming into play - she doesn't want you to hurt any longer . You've made your decision, it is no concern of anyone else at the moment. We support you in your decision and we're sticking around to help you through the next stage of your life .

[TryingToDo180]

Thanks NQ I feel that I'm having a harder time convincing them on the hero's spouse forum that I'm done, but I've made some friends there and they've also been supportive The difference there is that you don't give them your story or any background to your sitch. You just tell them what is going on at the mo. I've now related the whole story to them on my thread and this will hopefully help them change their mind

[TryingToDo180]

Happy NEW Year and may 2014 be a great year for us all Over at the other forum I've been having mixed messages over whether I should enter another R or not. I think the girls get me, that it is just flirting at the mo and it's not like I'm entering into a heavy serious relationship.
The lad I was PMing has reconnected with me and is trying to give me advice about how long I should wait, etc. He's obviously not reading everything I write - how my M has been dead for years and how I'm ready to move on. Yes it's only been 8 months, but what a roller coaster of 8 months!
I've said to him that I appreciate his advice and I won't pursue this flirting. Little does he know hehe
He said something that I will copy and paste on here and ask the males on this board for their advice -
Anyway T gonna be a bit brutal here but even if you did hook up with that guy you'd only end up
in a mess again. Believe me l'm a male and most guys have a hard enough time staying loyal even with a young gf but an older one not a hope, it never lasts . l mean h took of twice , you don't want that again.
Is he right?
I don't want to get hurt too soon again, I am looking for a light hearted R with another guy but he's talking like I'm going to be dumped after a week or two!
I know the guy that's flirting with me likes me and he seems a decent sort. He doesn't seem the type to mess me around, especially as I know that he's been hurt before as I overheard him say to someone else that he doesn't want to live with anyone ever again!
Another silly comment that he made was that I shouldn't introduce him to my son too soon. Why is that silly? Because my son already knows him! lol. Just goes to prove that he doesn't read what I put
I also put in his PM that I'm moving on to protect myself from anymore hurt. I know that H is being nice at the mo, but I still don't know if that is just for Christmas or not. By fully detaching, whatever H throws at me I'll not get as upset as I have been doing. I'll even be pleased for him if he announces he's got a new G/F hehe
Anyway, must go and finish cooking the dinner

[2old]

TTD, Only you will know when the time is right to enter into a new relationship....With that said, IMHO I would go very, very slow...And with that said, go back to the first thing said here...

[TryingToDo180]

Thanks 2old I don't want to be put off entering a new friendship before it's even started, lol. I wouldn't call it a relationship, as I think it will only be a friendship at first, that's if anything does get off the ground, lol. The way things are looking though, I'll be here next year still single, lol. Only joking before anyone hits me with a 2x4 for being negative, hehe

[hotwheelsaust]

TTD180, I agree with 2old. You will know when you are ready, I did. And no, not all blokes are the same. Some of us do want to make a proper relationship, whether young or old. Some of us males do have values that we stand by. Some of us males do stick with the woman we have chosen to have a relationship with, through good and bad.
In saying that, go slow, have no expectations and keep a lot of your emotions in check. You will have times of thinking to yourself "Am I doing the right thing?". No matter how much you are ready, these thoughts will still come to your mind, they did and do for me. Good luck.

[TryingToDo180]

Thanks HWA for your post I know that I'm ready now to move on and yes I will go as slow as a snail Hopefully my wish list will respect my wishes to go slowly, if not then he won't be worth it will he?
I guess I just got a bit down this morning with this negative PM that I received. Like I said he seems decent enough, he's got a good respectable job and not some yob off the streets
Thanks for the advice I've learnt loads this year to expect no expectations, to carry on with my plans if he turns me down and have a PMA on life I wish others that I know would follow my lead Life would be less stressful if everyone had a PMA