New to the site...

[heartbroken5]

I think maybe I've jumped the gun and got my hopes up too high. I don't know, me with my expectations thinking that it could be. He hasn't made any attempts to see me again only texting here and there. I supposed that, that is better than nothing. Us having no contact for over a year. What I won't do going forward is initate any conversation. I'm going to back away and put my bandaids back on.

[3boymom]

HB - I know how hard it is to not get your hopes up. I would have done the exact same thing if I was in your shoes. I would just continue to take it slow. Let you ex reach out to you. After every good interaction with my H, I have to secure the bandaids again. Just know that you ex is probably just as nervous and confused as you. It is not unusual to have the WAS take a step back after taking a big step forward. Hugs!

[heartbroken5]

Thank you for your reply. I broke down yesterday and text and no response. I think I have just fallen 100 steps backwards. I still love this man and I want so much to be with him and it's just not happening. To think that I've home so far to be back at square one. All I can do is start over again. I don't mean to sit here and type out a full blown pity party, but I'm feeling just a little pitiful. Where do I go from here?

[planet]

I don't mean to sit here and type out a full blown pity party, but I'm feeling just a little pitiful.

It's ok to vent. Journal if you must.
It's ok to share with people who understands. Many of us are here in this forum.

Where do I go from here?

UP.

[heartbroken5]

Thank you for your reply and encouragement. I haven't fully relied on the support here. I spent the last year pushing towards healing forcing forward movement, but I made bad choices and I'm back at square one. I have a lot of work to do.

[adinva]

Square one is very familiar to a lot of people here. You know what to do; pick yourself up, dust yourself off, do the next right thing.

[heartbroken5]

Square one is tough. I worked really hard this year to get past hurt. I welcomed new relationships (prematurely), I got out and GAL, then out of no where a little bit of hope to hold on to and now I'm crying the same tears all over again. Wondering why did he reach out, why did he make it seem as though he wanted to see me again? I was strong at that table, maybe too strong? I should have told him how much I've missed him and how I'd love to see him again rather than we'll see. I should have never sent any texts, I should have just waited but I didn't and now I'm back in the same place I was over a year ago. I want someone that clearly does not want me. I can't seem to get past this.

[heartbroken5]

So I allowed myself one full day to be pitiful and now it's time to get up and dust myself off. With the new year right around the corner I felt the need to pull out my journal. I don't want the new year to be the same. I've recognized some of the mistakes I've made, trying to fill in the gaps with rebound relationships, drinking and partying.. trying to get over the feelings of abandonment and low self esteem.. Classic behavior that I read about and vowed that I wouldn't induldge in (never say never). So I'm here at a tipping point of my life realizing that one, I don't want to be in a relationship right now. Two, I'd like to believe there is hope after being apart and now divorced, three that I've got to make necessary changes in order to have a lasting relationship with my ex or someone else... I said to myself that lunch was the worst thing that I could have done, but now I see that it could very well be the best... I'm glad I found this site when I did. I want to keep posting, reading, learning, and being inspired by everyone.

I would also like to believe that there is really hope for my sitch...I just want another opportunity to see him again, wondering if we'll ever talk again....idk one day at a time right?

[2stubborn2quit]

Yep. One day at a time. I'm glad you're finding some piece within yourself.

[heartbroken5]

I did it again, I reached out and asked the ex if he would be be available to toast to the new year early, figuring that he had plans for the evening. He agreed. We met at a local wine bar and when he showed up, he was not the same guy that I met for lunch a few weeks ago. This time I was the one who was a little nevous and he was looking like he had something to prove. We managed to get through it all. We had great conversation once again and laughed so much. Then it happened... the topic of "what happened" came up. I was having such a great time, I said the past is the past, although I hate how things ended up, we can never go back there.. we can only move forward. He seemed relieved. I apologized for the part I played and he did the same. We talked about some of the realizations that we had... He told me about counseling and anger management that he'd taken. I told him that I loved him and would always love him... He said the same in return. I told him a lot of things that I'm not sure that I should have said, like against the rules. We talked about seeing one another again..and we kissed several times. I was thinking how did we get there, am I going to come crashing down soon and get sad again? What do I do now?