In general, I love history. My personal history? Not so much.
I have found it to be a good way to gauge growth and progress. How can you see how far you've come if you don't look back at where you were?
How can you be sure you don't repeat the same mistake twice if you don't remind yourself of what you've been through?
Have you met your goals or are working consistently towards them? How do you know if you don't go back and look at what they were?
If we ignore history, we are doomed to repeat it.
That doesn't mean the only way to "not ignore" history is to regularly go back and read through your own threads/journals, but how can you be sure you remember everything if you don't...ever?
Goodness, the mistakes I've made...reading through the all the garbage I went (and put myself) through would be much less painful than finding out that I had repeated it unnecessarily.
But, and here's a tip of the cap to labug's stance, if I have fully evolved into the person I set out to become at the onset of this journey, then I don't need to worry about making the mistakes of the less evolved, less experienced, historical version of me that is now extinct.
$0.02
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I'm in need of some clue-by-fours, I've been thinking and since NC has not been effective at all, I'm thinking of reaching out to the STBX and saying somethings I think I should say before it is all said and done. Thoughts?
So I had court. Still no willingness to compromise from her. Going to trial. She sent a couple of emails before the trial with more ludicrous statements invented from whole cloth. I don't know if she actually believes what she is saying but her statements are so far from reality that it is difficult for me to believe she does. So much anger and hate still. There was a brief thaw when she dropped the TRO where we could have a civil exchange, but she's since ramped up the vitriol back up.
I sent her a message that detailed my regrets that things ended up here and how I wish they could have been different, no response, not that I was expecting one. I had a week moment before therapy and snooped on my STBX in-laws Facebook pages. All in all, having a pretty bad week. I feel like I can't begin to heal until this is over, if then.
I wish we could just have one adult conversation about this. And I feel like an idiot for still caring.
I'll be doing my best to keep busy this weekend, volunteering for the non-profit, doing a couple projects for friends from church, and a few other things, but I think it's going to be a rough couple of weeks.
it sounds like you are having a tough time. I am sorry that you have not seen any improvement in your sitch. I am right there with you, with my STBXW. Sometimes, the WAS is just bound and determined to move on, for whatever reason. Maybe they just can't come to terms that things can change. Maybe they are too proud to admit they want to come back. Possibly they are just too broken and hurt, and they must move on to save themselves. Who knows! I think that yours and mine is probably the normal scenario. Turning things around and reconciling is the probably the exception to the rule. I know that doesn't sound great, but perhaps you will have a little comfort in knowing that there are a whole lot of us here that are in the same boat.
I wish I had an answer to moving on. I think we all wish we could more easily. unfortunately, it just takes time and work. Keep your GAL activities running, and try not to focus on W. I know that is easier said than done. I also struggle with that. It just seems so unreasonable and strange. But, it will get better. Keep posting! Keep journaling!
Just got another drive-by text from the STBX. I don't know why she keeps doing this, trying to provoke me by saying such horrible things. I haven't lost my temper since I discovered evidence of a PA in January.
There's so much more I want to say here, but it's all the same junk I've been saying again and again. Not really getting any support on my stand from anyone anymore: friends, family. therapist, even here. Just trying to get through the holidays right now.
