Thanks Mr Bond, As far as I know she will be staying somewhere else for a while not in the home with me. At least that is what she told me so it will be easy to tread lightly because I can now begin repairs that I wanted to do over the summer and wont have to contact her to come over any more.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
No, She was leaving the home with her some bags I assume for the night. I walked up to her and asked if we could meet today to put her car in her name only so she could then get her own insurance and that would protect us both in the case of an accident. Also said I would call a real estate appraiser to check out the value of the home in its current condition.
She asked how much that would cost and I said no idea you will have to decide that based on what coverage she wanted. She sighed and walked to her car. I told her to be careful. She started the car then decided to dial 911. This all took place after being in the same general vincinity in the house for 3 hours.
I asked her what made her fear me or did someone tell her she should and she danced around the subject but she offered up that she is not being brainwashed.
She then called some people on the phone and told them she didnt feel safe with me around and was wimpering to them I thought for sure someone would come over but no one did. Maybe that played into her decision to finally phone the police as a last ditch effort to get me to back down.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
New info I went back to my home yesterday after giving the W the requested time to get some things together without my being there. She knew I was coming back yesterday after work to stay.
I gave one last courtesy text to tell her I was coming home in a few minutes. She texted back "see you later"
When I went in to the house to my surprise nothing was removed, packed or looked like it was going to packed. She came home I said I am in the back bedroom. So she knew I wasn't going to surprise her. When she came up I said hey and I'll be in here. She quick looked at me and went to our bedroom. We did not speak.
She took a shower made her dinner and went downstairs to watch tv. I left her be.
Kinda surprised me that she did all this and stayed overnight considering two days earlier I was crazy and Demented and we couldn't leave under the same roof.And she doesn't feel safe with me around.
I just need to know the bathroom schedule for morning showers other than that I will let her make the first move to discuss other things that we need to agree upon to allow this arrangement to be successful. Or if she want to talk about the M
Am I doing what I should or is there something I am not doing that would help out.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
W still hasn't spoken to me since I moved back. She will answer text though.
I asked her if she was going to use the Christmas decorations in the living room. I told her I would like to buy a Christmas tree I would pay for completely myself if she agreed. If not and she wasn't going to use them then I would like to put them in the attic and clean the living room.
She hasn't responded yet. Not sure if I should have asked to do this. But I am trying to make my life as normal as possible and having a Christmas tree is always something I loved. Even if this Christmas is the worst out of 47. I at least want to give or allow myself some semblance of holiday spirit.
Knowing my W this is something that probably will upset her that is why I am not sure if I should have asked the question. On one hand, it could be considered an unproductive thing to do. On the other hand, It is me GAL back. Why am I conflicted?
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
Although I am not going to file for D. Should I continue to move in that direction somewhat? For instance, having her car turned over to her name only and having her get her own insurance. This will cost her money that she probably doesn't have. Because I know that she is low on funds Is it wrong of me to begin these types things? Or is it a good thing because then she might realize that together we can do much more. Apart makes it very tough on her to do alone. I don't want to seem controlling or condescending to her though.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
She responded back that I could get a Christmas Tree if I wanted but this is no indication that we are reconciling.
And when she went to get a sandwich her turkey was gone so lets keep everything separate so we are clear. Thank you.
I replied I bought my own food and thought that we could talk about things like this instead of text. We don't have to talk about day to day activities if she didn't want to. But know that if she needs something or whatever my door is open just ask or knock.
She replied later.My apologies on the Turkey. I must not have seen it.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
I asked her if she was going to use the Christmas decorations in the living room. I told her I would like to buy a Christmas tree I would pay for completely myself if she agreed. If not and she wasn't going to use them then I would like to put them in the attic and clean the living room.
She hasn't responded yet. Not sure if I should have asked to do this.
Next time don't ask her if you can do something, just tell her what you're doing. So you could have said "I'm going to buy a tree and decorate it using the decorations in the living room, let me know if that's a problem." That way if she doesn't respond then she has no reason to gripe when you proceed.
Originally Posted By: nit84
Although I am not going to file for D. Should I continue to move in that direction somewhat? For instance, having her car turned over to her name only and having her get her own insurance.
Not sure if you have an L, but this is really an L question. I've read that in some states you CAN'T take your W off your insurance without her consent if she's already on it, even if you're S'd.
She's trying to get space from you, so it's not productive for you to put her in charge of your basic decisions about your own life. Don't ask her if you can get the tree that you want, that is important to you. You being separated didn't stop Jesus from being born and celebrating what is meaningful to you is important for you. So don't put that responsibility on her to tell you if it's ok or not for you to function.
I agree, telling her you're doing something, if it will impact on her space and surroundings, is polite, and so is giving her an opportunity to speak up if it's going to bother her so you can determine if you can accommodate her needs as well as your own. My only addition is you would need to be specific about the timeframe, such as I'm going to buy a tree on Tuesday so if you have a concern or problem let me know by Sunday. So you're not left wondering if she's going to have a problem and if you can move forward with your plan or not. Be concrete and specific and business-like, polite and considerate.
Don't take actions to "show" her something (in my opinion). And do check with a L about what you should be doing to reasonably protect yourself.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
