Doing that work now, or have been for a while. Just sent them a random pm on facebook saying how proud I am of their latest achievements. They are both probably shocked they haven't seen me be angry, depressed or whinging for so long.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Good work HWA Bet they can't wait to see you after all this PMA!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I hope TTD180. I suppose part of everything we are trying to do with the DB, is also recognising where we have gone wrong in life. While I still did lots of things with my boys, maybe (who knows the history anymore) I should have put more effort into positive feedback to them. Also my wife should have been given more positive feedback. All I can do is continue to grow and improve myself.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
All I can do is continue to grow and improve myself.
That's all we can do
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Busy weekend. Need to itemise all my furniture and belongings for when the company comes to transport them back home. It is a very long job to do. It's amazing how much this hits home that I am going back home, but it'a also strange I am not worrying to much about the W now. Speaking of the W, for a few weeks now, I have been up and done about whether I really do want her back. Don't get me wrong, I miss her and love her heaps. Just the simple fact of could I learn to live with her again, to spend each day with her again, to TRUST her again. Then there is the "can I put up with her family again" after all the poop that has/is happening with them. Does anyone else have these type of questions they ask themselves?
Trust will be a big one, as since I still have not found the answer to why she walked out (WAW or EA/PA) and probably won't. The W has shown no normal (if there is such thing) WAW signs, she literally has just put up a wall and that's that. Considering the lead up to the BD was just normal day to day living, it does seem quite strange behaviour (from my point of view). If she is in a EA/PA relationship again, if PA, no outward signs are being shown or talked about. Maybe that is easier for them to work on PA, as they will be in the country by themselves. The W still never really answered my question about being in a relationship when I asked two months ago. She rambled on about different scenario's and things that happened, and how could you think that means they are in a relationship. She simply didn't say yes or no.
It is also hard to understand no asking about my transfer. While it is nice I haven't had to explain at this stage, it still hurts that no one (and I mean no one in the family) has asked about whether I am transferring or not. Since the W and SIL are both teachers, they know the dates and times of transfers. They know I have applied many months ago for the transfer, just simply haven't bothered checking. Again, I am not focusing on this, just simply stating things that are in my mind at times. Not on my mind all the time.
It is still very hard to understand what is happening when there is simply no contact whatsoever. Especially when the BD wasn't from some big nasty thing that occurred. It does though make it easier for me to start moving on, having no contact from the W, not seeing her and not hearing from the family now.
Good time yesterday. Went for a run, got about 1km into the run and met a father of a student from school. We were in the cross country run a few weeks ago together and talk quite regularly about running etc. Anyway it ended up he was going for a 15km run and we decided to run together. Good stuff. Ended up talking (trying to talk) about lots of different things (but no Sitch talk) and I even validated some. I made sure I didn't talk about me, whatever the subject, but simply asked him questions and listened to him talk. It was a good run. Ended up doing about 16kms all up in 1hr and 11min.
Well, need to finish my itemisation and watch the big race today, Bathurst. I don't know whether you hear about this race overseas or even see it on tv, but it is a beauty, the big race of the year. My brother is a volunteer each year and is on the stands at the last corner this year.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Just the simple fact of could I learn to live with her again, to spend each day with her again, to TRUST her again. Then there is the "can I put up with her family again" after all the poop that has/is happening with them. Does anyone else have these type of questions they ask themselves?
Yes I have these issues all the time. I think Trust takes time and I think if you do what others have done on here, the main objectives are MC and complete disconnection from the other person. The other bit about family is what worries me as well. Not his family as I know my MIL is going to be ok about us getting back together (if ever!), but from my family. They've already told me that they won't accept him back into the family again. I know it's between the two of us, but it's hard when your family aren't supporting you. I think this would be one of the reasons why H won't come back.
You're worrying to much about the EA/PA and as said above, she needs to lose all contact with her OM and MC will sort out a lot of issues such as why she left, etc. These things are on my mind at times as well, it's hard for them not to be! However we're moving on and that's what counts I've never heard of Bathurst race. My cousin lives in Williamstown and she's not mentioned it. She recently mentioned about the tall ships docking in the harbour!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Couple of more questions to put to the DB group, please humour me. I know most of the answers, just want to confirm them. And no, I am not wanting desperately to do them.
1. Do I tell the W I am transferring? If so, when, as I leave around the 16th December? 2. My BD anniversary will be on the 24th October, do I send any letter, last chance requests etc. 3. My marriage anniversary is on the 25th November, same thing, do I do anything, send anything or simply ignore? 4. Do I buy presents for the in-laws at Christmas, or ignore them as they have done to me over the last few months? 5. Do I ask/request about the solicitor and why no reply? Or simply let it go until I get a reply? At this stage I don't need to worry about anything, but, in Australia a de-facto can apply for half of the assets (if she is in a relationship).
At this stage in my sitch, I am still standing by a lot of my original ideas: I was not the one who walked out, I will not start the solicitor or force the sharing of assets, and lastly I will not file for divorce. If the W is happy to do all those things, good on her, but I will not do that, as I still have the belief that things can be worked out (maybe a silly belief). I still have the knowledge that if my sons ever ask about the sitch, I will at least feel that I did all possible for the sitch and that I did not force any issues.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
First of all have you still n/c with the W or are you getting on at the mo? This will change the answers I give you.
1. What would your W's reaction be if you told her you were transferring? Would you feel better by letting her know? You could always send her a Christmas card with your new address in it. If she needs to get in touch with you then she'll find a way I'm sure.
2. I wouldn't
3. My anniversary was a few days after my H walked out so I didn't acknowledge it at all. If your W acknowledges it then send a thank you email and wish her a happy anniversary as well. Otherwise just ignore the date.
4. They've been ignoring you so I would ignore them. Whatever you do will not build a relationship back up with them anytime soon. My parents will not appreciate a present from my H. Maybe send a card if you want to, but see what the others think first
5. Definitely not! If you've not heard from her solicitor then she may have withdrawn. My H threatened me with a solicitor in June, then realised he couldn't afford it.
I hear what you're saying about the kids knowing that you've done everything you can about the sitch, but believe me they'll know If it works out in the future then great, if not then you can tell your kids that you tried your best I know that you've had no contact from your W and they will think that you've not tried your best but I truly believe that you should keep things as they are. You can explain to them all about 180 and DBing if it doesn't work out. Hope that helps. Feel free to ignore everything I've said Wait and see what others think as well.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Well HWA, IMHO you dont say anything about anything. Since our sitchs' are somewhat alike (WAW)I will tell you I tried acknowledging our anniversary and only got a response saying she would get back to me on the matter of filing divorce. Which by the way nothing as yet...Then I went thru whether I should email her a happy Bday a month later. I did and when mine came 3 weeks later unbelievably she did not acknowledge mine whatsoever...I said unbelievably because I did not think she would ignore mine.
As far as you have come do you think in your mind you should say anything? I have come to realize my with WAW there is nothing I can say to make anything between us better. She is im her own world and apparently quite happy without me....
Bet they can't wait to see you after all this PMA!