All that dating stuff is for 12 months down the line ,I need to do plenty of healing before I delve into that again.
Not posted here for a few weeks but I’ve been on another MLC site more to understand MLC rather than the divorce process.
The divorce process here was slowing up because W was focussing her attention on OM and their night time manoeuvres, but apparently OM has binned W for his regular partner and posted pictures of their make up vacation on facebook, a few days after he and W has a weekend away. I think there is still minor contact but W is not getting incessant text messages and staying out late like she has been.
So with no OM around W is pushing the D again, The decree nisi to desolve the marriage has been issued and will be read out in court October 16th. W just pushing for “her” money, so we are at the bank tomorrow to agree the loan. Once we know the amount we can get it put into the written agreement. The decree absolute for final divorce likely to be in December, W will then move in with her mother and look for a house in the spring time. (well that’s her story).
My emotions have been up and down but the end is in sight, So for now I keep doing my stuff which is gym and sculpting my body and reconnecting with family, most of my friends from the old days are out of the picture so I guess it’s time to make new ones.
I am glad you are moving on and have decided to hold off on dating. I have moved out, so I don't see my W nearly as much. When I do see her, it immediately takes my mood down a notch. Once your W moves out, there will be tremendous relief.
I have the loan approved to buy out W share of the house equity, but now she wants more. (Roll eyes). Everything is in place for her to move out as she said she would but she hesitates. Anyway we will leave it to a judge to decide how much she gets then she'll have to go.
I'm in a good place mentally as I have accepted that we are done. I'm looking forward to the time she moves out and I can start to enjoy the years of plenty (it been more than 4 years for me).
Long story short, the D drags on, W has rejected the financial settlement I made, she wants more money that I can afford, she thinks she is divorcing Rockefeller. Bottom line is we will have to sell the family home and split the money, however the housing market is depressed , and the house needs repairs so not much hope of selling soon.
I am sorry to hear that. I know how painful this is and how bad you want closure. Since you are selling and not staying, what are you going to do about a home after the D?
I suggested to W we borrow a smaller amount fix up the house and sell, however she rejected this suggestion. She said she doesn’t trust me as I may fix up the house and change my mind and decide to keep it. Then there will be less equity in the house for her if I decided to buy her out and I will be living in a fancy house. When I said I can’t change my mine she said “oh I don’t trust you, you always find a way to change your mind”.
Anyway as for what I do now not 100% sure, was chatting with one of my nieces and she says take a few days, lick your wounds, then get on with formulating your new plan. Most likely will down size and get a smaller place. But not started yet but I will get a move on.
It almost sounds like she just wants to be difficult for the sake of being difficult.
I ended up moving in with my Dad. It is really nice to be away from the drama and tension. I hope you can find someplace soon. If you found someplace, would you be able to move out before the house sells?
Make a list of pros and cons of selling the house, including the financial pros and cons:
Selling the house now:
Pros - selling the house gives you cash to work with, settles things, you are free to downsize, W has to share in the expense of selling
Cons - will not go for top dollar if you cannot agree on spending money to fix it up, may take a long time to sell, dragging out the divorce
Buying W out of house:
Pros - it would be done quicker, you could take your time and fix up the house, then sell it later for top dollar
Cons - usually in a divorce, when the house equity is split, the subsequent cost of selling is not figured in. So, for example, if you have a $100,000 home with $50,000 in equity, normally you would pay your wife $25,000 to buy her out of her share. However, if you SOLD the house today, you would not net $50,000, but instead would have to pay realtors fees, closing costs, and pay to fix items identified by the seller on inspection - say, maybe, a cost of $9-10,000 when all is said and done. So you would only get $40,000 out of it - $20,000 to each of you. So - in this example, if you wanted to buy her out, fix up the house yourself, and sell it later for more money - you would need to be able to sell it for $105,000 PLUS whatever you spent fixing it up, just to break even with the amount you would have gotten if you had sold it right away and split it. On the other hand, if you could put $10,000 into it and make it so it could sell for $140,000 - you would net $140,000-$25,000 to wife -$10,000 in selling costs - $10,000 in fix it up costs - $50,000 mortgage payoff = $45,000 in your pocket instead of $20,000.
Could you get a room mate to help you with expenses while you fixed up the house? Can you refinance to get some of the money you need? Give us some numbers and an idea of how much sweat equity is available in this house (i.e., are nice well-fixed-up houses in your neighborhood selling for $10,000 more, or $50,000 more? How much money would it take to bring it up to that level? How much could you do yourself?)
