Me 11 months on.

[Fartiltre]

HWA

1. How do I prepare myself for seeing the wife and her family at my sons 21st at the end of the month? Especially when I don't get any practice at this. My personal view is act neighbourly, if asked mention I do not want to discuss anything apart from how are you, and that reply will always be "great". But I know my emotions will be hard to control outwardly, not anger emotion more tearing up emotion.

Prepare by doing mental exercise visioning you doing great at the party! Psycho Cybernetics contains a lot on this subject.
Stay away from the alcohol
Be rested - sleep
Exercise before the party.
Practice smiling until the smile stays on your face.
Plan a little ahead so you know who you will seek out and address.
Leave early but not to early.
I teach salespeople about the 4 times 20 because first impressions last.
Focus on and practice:
The top 20 cm (your head): Make it neat and put a smile on it, nod when people talks…..
The first 20 words: Practise them!! Practice answers for “How are you” What have you been up to” and other ice-breaking questions and so on. What will you ask people about?
The first 20 paces: Walk tall, confident and not around in the corners
The first 20 sec: The time it takes people to make their picture of you! Focus on this everytime you greet a new person.



Still remember to be HWA! Don’t change you – just show the best part!

I agree on the neighborly but I don’t think you should actually say “I don’t want to discuss……” – just don’t do it! Shift the subject! Your emotions should be stoved away on this occasion and I know this one will be hard on you – but you can do it!

2 when should I tell the boys about my transfer? At this stage I haven't because the wife will then probably find out, and while it shouldn't change anything, I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach about her finding out could cause issues.

You fear these issues so much that you haven’t shared this major thing with your sons????
Why is that? – I would say tell them now!
What are these issues you fear?
What do you fear the most: Issues from W or you son asking you “Dad, why didn’t you want to share this with me?”

About the FWB I agree with others and you: You do not seem ready for this. Wonka hit the nail perfectly IMO. On the other hand keep on seeing her and enjoy the time and company.

Still disappointed either didn't ask about me, the holiday in Melbourne or even if I am transferring.

Boy’s 18y and 20y – why would they? They properly even don’t remember that you have applied. You are the farther – show them the high road!

Pulling!

F

[hotwheelsaust]

F, thanks as always. In reply to your feedback.

1. There will be no alcohol anyway, I am driving. The rest of your suggestions are pretty normal for me, but will continue reading psycho book for help with the emotions.

2. I think my biggest fear about telling the boys, is that the wife will find out and this in turn will somehow advance the asset selling or divorce papers. I am not against telling the boys at all. Also don't think the boys would say anything about not telling them. Will think quite hard this weekend about telling them.

3. FWB isn't an issue either, seriously, I think if a supermodel offered herself I would struggle emotionally. Apologies to the ladies out there :-)

4. I have been focusing on the boys not asking about me because of their age. It just hurts when no one asks how you are, or even cares.

Holidays are now over, back to the country tomorrow, with only 10 weeks left.

[hotwheelsaust]

Back in the country now.
Hold onto your nuts book arrived, so will start reading tonight.
Thank goodness no letter from the solicitor. Any ideas why no reply from the solicitor? The W sent one over 3 months ago, I replied to her request and gave my view/options, but nothing since. Is this normal? Was she just checking out what I would request?
Decided to tell the boys about the transfer in 3 weeks time, when I go back to the city for my sons 21st. I would prefer to do it face to face rather than over the phone. Unless they ask beforehand.
No FWB stuff occurred during my holidays, I really don't feel comfortable about it, especially while I am still recognised (by paperwork) to be still married.
Other than that, I am feeling ok about everything. Had a bad day yesterday, but it happens.

[hotwheelsaust]

Have read the first chapter of the N.U.T.S book that was suggested. A very good read, makes a lot of sense.

[T1000]

I love how you call it the Pschyo book!

[hotwheelsaust]

T1000, I think I was on the Ipad when typing that, so reduced it's name - but that shortened title somehow fits.

I forget to mention a good moment coming back in the plane to the country. Normally I have the magazine to read or the Ipad to play game on, simply say hello to the person next to me and that's it. This time is was a woman next to me, a couple of years younger, and yes, she was married. But we struck up a conversation that went for the entire 1 1/2 hour trip. She was interested in learning to ride a motorbike, she was coming to the country for a nursing 20th anniversary and lots more. It was great to simply listen to someone and ask questions about them. At one time she asked about me, my family etc. I simply replied my wife separated from me last year and I didn't continue on that path. That felt good as well. No let me tell you my story.....sob....sob.

[TryingToDo180]

Hey HWA! Sorry I've just come across your new thread, didn't realise that you'd had the old thread closed I did wonder where you were, lol. 6 pages already! I can't keep up with you, lol. Last time I heard from you, you were going on holiday. Did you have a nice time? I see you're off again somewhere else Well done for not going into the whole story with the woman on the plane

[hotwheelsaust]

TTD180, no I am not on holidays again. The plane flight story was coming back to the country.
Had a great time on the holiday, visiting a city I haven't been to in many, many years. It has changed so much. Drank lots of coffee, ate lots of chocolate and bought some new clothes. Visited all the tourist destinations.
Came back to the city, spent time with both boys. Didn't see or hear from the family (W's) or the supposedly best friend. Did have some expectation the friend might have contacted me. Doesn't matter, at least I know where I stand.

Also have put my name down for the half marathon in March next year. Since I will be back in the city, then lots of runs will be available. This will be my first half. Looking forward to it.

[TryingToDo180]

So did you get your transfer then? If so congrats, I'm really pleased for you
Sorry I'll try and catch up tomorrow, It's 11 o'clock here and I think I need to go to bed as I'm up at 6am! lol.
Glad you had a good holiday I know what it's like to lose a friend, not nice at all
Good luck for the half marathon next year, I have great faith in you that you can do it

[hotwheelsaust]

Yes TTD180, the transfer came in. It was a very emotional day when I found it. As much as I had prepared for it, the emotion hit hard. I know the W is gone, but it still feels like I am walking away from her with this transfer. I know it is for the best to move back home and it is positive. Just hurts.