I am sorry, I know how hard this is. Always keep in mind that no matter how angry/hurt/sad/broken you feel towards H, you must separate those feelings out when dealing with the kids. You are aware of the impact of D on them and you are worried about the long-term affects; there is no way to remove all of the pain and hurt but if they can see you and H still being kind to each other, not using them as pawns, interacting when the kids leave/come home it will be the best of a horrible situation.
Keep going to your IC and get whatever help you need to get through this. You never know how it will turn it out..
I will try my hardest to separate ose feelings because of them. I will do anything for them. It hurst deep inside but I don't want them to suffer. Will keep getting IC sessions and pray
Me 37 H 37 D9 D6 M9/ T12 ILYBINILWY 05/2013 Asked to S 06/13 Said he wants to S for sure 08/13 Said that he's looking for a place (Sept 17/13) No ring on his finger (Sept 19/13)
Me 37 H 37 D9 D6 M9/ T12 ILYBINILWY 05/2013 Asked to S 06/13 Said he wants to S for sure 08/13 Said that he's looking for a place (Sept 17/13) No ring on his finger (Sept 19/13)
Sounds like you are making some progress, glad to hear this. Keep working on yourself and moving forward for YOU, you will continue to cycle and their is so much to learn.
Thank you Cadet, I am really trying, thank you
Me 37 H 37 D9 D6 M9/ T12 ILYBINILWY 05/2013 Asked to S 06/13 Said he wants to S for sure 08/13 Said that he's looking for a place (Sept 17/13) No ring on his finger (Sept 19/13)
Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to the point when I am ok with all of this. Thank you for telling me that there will be a new normal cause it's hard to see that it is possible especially when I am hurting. Now I know that a new normal is coming. I will keep saying this to myself
I know EXACTLY what you mean, my sitch is well over a year old but the memories of the early days are still very fresh. I remember reading stuff like what I wrote to you and thinking I just couldn't imagine ever being happy again or having a "new normal" that would be satisfactory. The first time my IC said "new normal" it just made me angry, I didn't want a "new normal", I wanted my "old normal" back!!! But I did find my new normal and it has proven to be really great, in fact I am happier now than I've been in years, even well before BD. I've changed a lot and you will to, and it will be for the better
Originally Posted By: JonF
I literally got to the point where I enjoyed the downtime, and used it to work on hobbies, read, enjoy time with friends, etc.
Exactly, same for me. I think after BD we all see the glass as being half empty, but in time we start to see it as half full. Initially the time alone when the kids and/ or spouse aren't there seems terrible and lonely, but when we start filling it up with stuff that WE want to do then we learn to enjoy it and even look forward to it.
What I have always used as my guide in dealing with my ex-h, his ex-w when we were together, etc. is the memory of my best friend not inviting her father to her wedding because she didn't want the stress of her parents not getting along - and they had been divorced for 20 years! I cannot imagine my child being in that situation and having to make such a choice. It is up to us to separate our adult relationship from our parenting relationship in a D situation.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
