Really need your help

[formyfamily]

Thank you cadet for the link, I will read it today and thank you for your support.

[formyfamily]

Hi kate's place, in confiding in them , I was hoping that they would help, but noticed that I should maybe refrain from doing that again. Now after reading your posts , I will no longer confide on them. I will keep the conversation about the kids and how they are doing, and confide to my own support system, which in part is this forum. Thank you

[formyfamily]

my heart is hurting me a lot. I am in shock. I can't believe that the person I married just told me that he was looking at apartments today. I have no words, cannot explain how I feel except that I feel dead inside.

This is what happened: H knew that I had a doctor's appoint today and that I am on stress leave. So I informed H of the update saying that I am off for another two weeks. He kept asking me questions like have you told your mother, have you told this person, that person...Did you tell the doctor...I told him that they know some of it and that the situation is kinda in the air.

He then replied to me, What do you mean in the air, It has not been working at all since January. (lies-cause I knew something was wrong but did not know the extent of it till later especially since we were still intimate then.

He then started saying things like: I told you that I did not love you anymore ...to which I stopped the convo short cause if he continued I would have crumbled to the floor. I left, went to my sisters, and a three way calling with some of my friends, also called the counsellor.

I probably wont sleep all night, especially that I guess now he is moving out and wants to talk to the kids.

I know that a lot of you went through what I am going through right now., but I could not imagine how it physically hurt, feels like my heart is being compressed right now

[formyfamily]

Woke up this morning with a major headache, slept for two hours. I had to put my brave face on for the kids. I still can't believe that he looked for apartments yesterday, and was cold towards me.

[Pudmuddle]

Hi fmf,

I am in a similar sitch in that I had taken stress leave and was coming out of my stress fog when I got the blow from my H. It is quite awful to think they couldn't support you through your tough time. I thought things were getting better, when they were not.

He wants you to share with everyone in your life because he is trying to justify his actions. He is filled with guilt and thinks you are the problem right now. Don't listen to this as he will make no sense. Don't believe what he says right now.

Read other's posts here and you will start to get a sense of what is going on.

I found a post in the Midlife Crisis topic that has helped me tremendously today. check it out: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1350825#Post1350825

Hang in there and post as often as you need to, even if it is to journal your feelings. People in here are wise and will help you through it.

Regards, Pud

[willbwell]

I know your hurt. I did talk to my dr about what was going on and started taking an AD. It has helped. I had panic attacks in the beginning. The hurt comes in waves. Best thing is get busy yourself. I'm taking classes which forces me to study and not dwell on sit.
Thinking about you. I pray for all of us and these lost spouses

[formyfamily]

Hi Pud,

I guess I saw your post at the same time, and saw that your feelings right now is exactly how I am feeling right now.I wish H would wake up and see the 'light'.

I guess I have been letting him getting to me. Like him saying to me: 'I told you that I don't love you' hurts like crazy.

I will start writing often, cause I sometimes don't know how to handle this...

[formyfamily]

Hi WBW,

My doctor prescribed an AD, but I am afraid to take it because of side effects and what comes with it... I have not researched it much...

I have an activity later today, but find it hard to get out of bed right now. All I think is about what happened last night. I will continue to pray and pray for others as well.

[AnotherStander]

So sorry you are hurting!! I remember it all too well and I remember there wasn't much anyone said that made me feel any better about it. All I can tell you is the best way is through the pain, not around it. I used to cry all the way home from work, then hold it together long enough to walk past the kids, go in my room, lock the door, go in my closet, close the door and collapse on the floor crying until I couldn't cry anymore. Then gather myself, put on a smile and go out to the kids. Do what you have to do to process the grief.

My doctor prescribed an AD, but I am afraid to take it because of side effects and what comes with it... I have not researched it much...

DO NOT research it, it'll scare the crud out of you. Just start taking it. People who have great experience with A/D's have no need to post about it on the Internet, but the small fraction who have problems make up the vocal majority on the 'net. They'll have you believing your hair will fall out, you'll gain 50 pounds and you'll be more depressed than ever. I went on A/D's after going into severe depression and having crazy anxiety attacks after BD and a week later I felt better, a month later I felt completely normal. I stayed on them a few more months and then slowly weened off with zero problems or side effects. I've been off of them over 6 months and never did have another anxiety attack or bout of depression. Of course this forum is also a big help as are friends and family, and DB'ing and GAL'ing. It all works together to help you recover.

[willbwell]

re the AD. I didn't want to be 'on something' I started taking one, got to feeling better then went off. After some time, I decided that the AD really did help. I felt more even.I needed to be on one and it was ok.