Still having a hard time with the upcoming anniversary date. I think it's just hitting me especially hard this year because it would have been such a monumental number of years. Hurts my heart to think of it.
What strategies would you suggest for putting it out of my head? Stop signs don't seem to be working this time.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I don’t think this will help but I can tell you of my experience.
Friday September 13th would have been my 16th anniversary, it hit me like a train about 3 days before, It caught me quite un awares. Anyway I found a quiet place and bawled my eyes out (not good to see a grown man cry) but I got it out of my system.
On the actual day I was distracted as I was expecting the decree nisi (notification to end marriage) to be issued, so Start marriage on the 13th end on the 13th .
However the notification never arrived so I just got on with the day as normal as I could under the circumstances. Sorry I have no magic answer but I do hope you make it through the day.
Have you talked to Gabe about it? You both are in such a unique position in that you are together just not remarried. You need to figure out what you want hon. Do you want to be remarried or just maintain the status que?
Decide and move on from there. This has been a big issue for you for a long time and no progress has been made. If you want to be married ask him. You will have your answer.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I know you are all right. If I would just talk about it there most likely wouldn't be this weight on me. Gabe doesn't talk. Ever. You all know I shut down completely when I'm upset or depressed but I'm working on that slowly.......very slowly.......
I shouldn't be so afraid of reactions. What is he going to do? Leave? Been there, done that. If I don't share my feelings then I deserve what I get, right?
Just a feeling of dread, that's all. There is no reason to put this much importance on a stupid date that counts for nothing anymore. ARGH!
Do I want a new date to celebrate? Celebrate what? That's the question. Survival?
I've been telling myself that I don't really care if we get remarried or not but the more I think on it and live like this the more I realize that just isn't true. It's not who I am. Marriage is THE commitment. Without it there is such an easy out. Of course, as we all know, it's always an easy out no matter what. Oh pooh! I don't know where I'm going with this. You see the problem, right? My thoughts go in circles. BLAH!
Round and round and round we go.....LOL
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I don't know. I feel like a couple. We do as much together as we can with our schedules. We talk about everything....except our relationship. Like I said before, I asked one time where he saw our relationship going, he asked why it had to be going anywhere, and that was the end of that. I haven't ever asked again. Too scared after all this time to hear the same answer.
How do I ask for something from him when I don't know the answer to what I really want in the first place? That's not fair at all.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
How do I ask for something from him when I don't know the answer to what I really want in the first place? That's not fair at all.
Huh? You're crying for ages because you don't feel you have a permanent, committed relationship living outside of marriage and now you say this? C'mon, you know what you want and you're scared to put that forward in case he doesn't see it that way again. But hey, it's a discussion about your relationship,it's not an ultimatum on your part. You have the right to say you would feel more secure and happier in the relationship if you were married. It's a process and if you don't introduce the discussion that process never begins. Tell him how you feel, let him process it. Who knows where it will go...but you don't have to enter the discussion like road kill waiting to happen. You can do this!
I made it through the anniversary. I was pretty down but thought I was keeping my smile in place. I'm apparently not as good as I thought I was. Gabe noticed when I came home from work to change and go to the gym. He wouldn't let me leave until I told him what was wrong. I tried to pass it off as my personal problem and he didn't need to worry about it. No go. He leaned on the open car window until I told him.
He was shocked. He had no idea what the date was but he was upset that I was sad. I told him it was 20 years and he was surprised.
Honestly, I felt bad that I had let my guard down. It wasn't anything he needed to hear about. The date isn't important anymore and why my stupid heart can't let go of it, I just don't know.
When I came home from the gym he had bought me flowers and a car and wrote something beautiful in it. My heart shut the heck up.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
