Taking A Stand; What's my Position?

[2old]

no, your right Jon, we all seem to send dumb texts/emails and most likely IMMEDIATELY regret them. And then we are left to wonder what the impact may have once WAS reads. But heres the other part, it's true the WAS seem to almost always be irrational so IMO and from personal experience there isnt much impact...I guess that might be the good news...

[chl0901]

Hi Mimi, I know it's hard, but please don't get discouraged. I obviously immediately regretted asking my H about the phone bill a couple of weeks ago but it turned out okay. I've done many silly and stupid things I've regretted but we can't change what we've done. Plus, your text doesn't sound all that bad. Just a reminder to sit on it more next time before sending something. Keep GALing and doing your 180s and working on yourself! Be the best you can be and we're here for you!

[AnotherStander]

I'm tired of my entire situation at this point.

That's a normal part of recovering from BD. We cycle through all kinds of crazy emotions and yes, we all get disgusted with the whole mess at some point. Now is the time to focus on two things- detaching and GALing. That is the path to recovery. Here is the good news- with detachment and GAL comes something else that you desperately need- acceptance of your sitch. You won't be tired of it, or angry about it, or frustrated with it. You'll just accept it and you'll move on with living life. You'll get there, just be patient.

The video was about negative habits we pick up from our parents that we need to recognize, forgive our parents for, and choose to not continue.

You don't want to send him stuff like that, you're just applying pressure to him. In his eyes you're telling him "this is all your fault and maybe this video will snap you out of it".

I sent the text at 7 am my time, haven't heard anything back.

I doubt you will. WAS's typically just go radio silent in response to any kind of pressuring emails/ texts sent to them. Whatever you do, DO NOT ask him if he got it and/ or watched it. It was a mistake, that's OK, just let it go and don't repeat it.

but it won't give me what I want, my H back. That's what hurts. I could obtain all the great and wonderful things this world has to offer, but it wouldn't mean anything to me.......

That's the way you feel RIGHT NOW, but I promise, that will change.

[JuneReN]

Mimi, even though your timeline is counseling from last year, your BD is only July. That is so so little time. I realize you are long distance. So, you begin living your life for you, which it seems, you are still in a huge holding/waiting pattern.

We all would rather be with our spouses, otherwise we wouldn't be here. But you can stand still or move forward. Big difference between moving forward and moving on.

I haven't seen much forward movement going on. What are your plans in work and social life?

[Hope4MeYet]

Hi Mimi, I just wanted to tell you that I am right there with you on learning bad habits from my parents. In reading your sitch I'm happy that another person around the same age is going through something similar as me. My H and I have been married just about 4 years and we have no children. It seems like a lot of the sitch's on here are WAW or MLC. Although I can relate to them in some aspects, they are very different circumstances. From reading the posts on here there are so many wonderful people to support us, and the veterans are wonderful! I am getting so much wisdom from them.

I too have a hard time detaching and the no contact, it's so hard! I try to tell myself to be patient! Keep GALing and come on here to get inspiration, we are all here for you :-)

[Mimi00]

Hi every one, I didn't know there were responses in my thread; thanks for the encouragement & wisdom. I decided to cut down the time I spend here b/c for me, it keeps me too focused on H, so I hadn't thought of checking my thread.

Mimi, even though your timeline is counseling from last year, your BD is only July. That is so so little time. I realize you are long distance. So, you begin living your life for you, which it seems, you are still in a huge holding/waiting pattern.

We all would rather be with our spouses, otherwise we wouldn't be here. But you can stand still or move forward. Big difference between moving forward and moving on.

I haven't seen much forward movement going on. What are your plans in work and social life?

Hi Ruby. I moved 3 weeks ago and started a new job, so I've been short on cash and not able to do much.

I finally got my first check a few days ago so here's what I did so far this weekend:

- I purchased a gym membership, I plan to start this week. I have about 10-15 lbs I could stand to get rid of and it's something to do that's productive.

- Did a fun 5k run friday night

- went to a 5am prayer service held on the beach saturday morning

- Went to a Divorce Recovery class (even though I'm not divorced yet) as well on saturday morning/afternoon

- Also every day this past week I've walk my dog to a secluded open field and while he plays I use that time to take in nature and talk to God, yell & scream if I need to lol

- I have picked up extra shifts for every Saturday this month to keep busy and make extra money to continue GALs.



I don't know if I like the Divorce Recovery class...but I will stick with it for a few weeks before I decide, hopefully it will get better.

I am filling my calendar up as much as possible...it's a bit overwhelming b/c I am a home-body/introvert some what... but going out more is a much needed 180 for me.

Thanks again for your kind words/advice.
Maybe I will post again in a week so if anything significant happens.

[AnotherStander]

Nice job Mimi, that's a great GAL list I'm sure it's tougher for an introvert to GAL, but you're doing a great job and I think you'll learn to enjoy it even if you don't just yet. It's all about taking your mind off your sitch and putting the focus on yourself.

[JuneReN]

Nice list...I would also like to see you take a leap and join a social group...whaddya got around you that looks like fun and is something you never saw yourself doing? I joined a program in winter where I work with the disabled and I joined a coule of other social groups, where, I swear, I knew no one lol!!

I know it's not easy, but try at least once

[chl0901]

Hi Mimi, thanks for the update, and I'm glad you are trying new things. I bet they will get easier with time! Hope you have a good week.

[Mimi00]

Thanks AS, Ruby and Chl0!

In response to Ruby, I have joined a few meetup groups; the 5k last weekend was with one of those groups and I'm suppksed to do dinner with another this weekend but I may not be able to.

Unfortunately 2 days ago I was transporting teens from my job in my car from a meeting and something I the road gave me a flat....I tried to get the wheel off but didn't realize there was a lock on my wheel that I didn't have a key to. I texted H bc he was supposed to put triple-A on our insurance plan long before BD. So I texted to confirm we had it....no response....so I figure things out on my own and 3 hours later texted him back "nevermind, thanks anyways...hope you are well" even though he never responded. Soon after that 2nd text he responds "hey there....I'm laying down, big headache".

I got two men from a car dealership to try to help me out, it was after 10pm...they couldn't help but allowed me to leave my car in their lot overnight until I could find a key for my wheel (I called around and no towing places had this key). One of the men asked me if I had someone I could call to come get me and help me out......that's when it hit me. I am completely alone here. I have no one. Not a soul that I'm close enough to, to ask for help ornthat lives close enough to aid me during an emergency.

And stupid H who doesn't even have the courtesy to text me back and inquire on why I need triple-A.

You'd think I cheated on him or did something horrible....all I did was love him to the best of my ability, cook for him daily, and be there as best as I knew how at that time....I never ment to hurt him by no knowing how to speak his "love language"...... but you'd think I treated him like trash.

Ive been thinking about callling an old coworker of mine that I haven't seen since 2008. I had a big crush on him before H and I began seriously dating.
I want to delete H's number from my phone and just be done with it.

Some of you may not believe me, but DB has helped me to change. I have had a lot of negarive things happen since I moved...I ahve handled well...normally I'd break down and cry...may things are result of H not following through on things he was supposed to do long before BD....normally I'd call him and tell him how bc of him dropping the ball I have to deal with the aftermath....but I haven't called....just the 2 texts the other day when my tire was flat. I am going out and attempting to make new friends here. I have stayed connected w my new friend I made over the summer wheb i first start DBing before I moved. I am trying new things....and everyone sees my changes...i like my changes and will continue...

.but H is the negative spot and i want to erase him from my mind...I changed his name in my phone today (I was going to delete it), I'm considering taking my name off of our joint account. If I do that the last tie will be the phone plan...he would have to remove him self.

He cancelled our health insurance and has his own through his job. I have none now.

I know im rambling...but I had to get this out some where. Today is the first low day I've had in several days...so I hope to get back to PMA after this.


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