I cobbled together from member posts here and online sources a 1 page email with a dispassionate, clinical explanation of brain chemistry/PEAs as it occurs during EA/PA, and differences between infatuation a real love.
I stopped myself before emailing it to my W, in order to get opinion from DBing experts on whether it might be helpful or harmful.
Quick context:
-W has had EA for some time. Feels recently like it's coming to an end but not yet over, based on W's actions/closeness with me. Then again, it felt like this 3 months ago only to be surprised that EA had resurfaced with new intensity.
-W is showing clear signs that she's coming back into R and is noticeably much happier person, and happier about our R.
-W has new-found interest in psychology, and even asked me to find her good therapist--never, ever thought she'd seek IC!
-W has been talking for hours with me about a PA between her young niece and an older man, who she knows well. Man holds senior position in company where niece is bottom rung employee. W totally perplexed and amazed that this man would "risk his whole career, M and family" for this girl.
-I've been amazed that she seemingly hasn't asked herself this question about her own EA.
So I thought to send her PEAs/Affair-infatuation fog email, titled, "Why Brian risked his career and life." Thinking it might be backdoor way to help her understand why she's been stuck on phone/email/text romance with a guy she really does not know, but who was early described as her "mirror."
What do YOU think? Helpful, or stupid step back from DBing, which has been working very well?
It couldn't hurt, but I wouldn't get your hopes up that it is going to actually do anything to change her behavior.
Pyromaniacs rarely want to voluntarily give up their matches and kerosene, and certainly NEVER after merely reading an article about the dangers of matches and kerosene.
Usually much more effectively to do whatever you can to separate the addict from the source of their addiction. Some old wise poster here told me years ago, "You can't teach an infidel," and I think that's about right.
Thanks. I actually used a lot from your posts in the piece. Think I'll send it since we've had these convos about her niece. Info will be new to her and I can't imagine her reading it and not connecting the dots and saying, "huh..."
