better to love or be loved?

[figgeroni]

instead of wasting time wishing you could share your class stuff with your ex, how about finding someone else to share it with...

a coworker or even another classmate, a family member?

[willbwell]

just not the same. Just like if someone has died. I miss the guy that was my friend. I have plenty of friends, family to share with.. they are still here- always have been. Its the one who is no longer is.

[willbwell]

h was here tonight. tired, stressed, depressed(I think) Sits with d 15 but not so engaged. Just doesn't seem at all enthused or happy. He has a neck ache .takes an aleve. we make small talk(mostly me of course) he was in the city where ow was. maybe he was with her and the guilt is causing his neck pain. I do know he didn't call/text d15 2 nights in a row to say goodnight when he usually does.
A 180 for me would be to not talk AT ALL. can't do it. I don't stay mad at h even though I should be. I am sad for him.

[willbwell]

just journaling a bit here...
Had a dream about h last night. in our current sit. we were at a school meeting for s. we snuck into a back room and had some great slow kisses. in the dream, they felt so real. I've been up an hr and I am just remembering.
haven't seen h in over a week. he stopped by last night. again, h seems tired. coming to our home seems make him feel so depressed. has said to me-doesn't want to be here. h is still seeing ow I think.
I let the ow take up space in my head. its the curiosity thing...what does she look like? oh, I get the whole, fun, easy no responsibility, brain chem change thing. know in my head, does no good to be curious. This is h's deal. part is a justice thing. would like to confront and say...you must be so proud. sleeping with a married man. h denies the r with her. I'm sure ow thinks she's in love! my h is a catch-he's charming , handsome... can't stand to think of ow getting the good of h.

[Iwondertooo]

Best advice I can give here is he is not thinking like you, and you cannot even begin to guess what is on his mind. I so remember the confront the OW need, but take the high road and just get on with the day. I know it is hard. Wonder

[willbwell]

First time h comes to the house and knocks instead of just coming in. he is separating himself more and more.doesn't look at mail even.
takes the kids to d, and then drops them curbside after. I think surely that must feel sad to kids to watch their dad drive off.to know he doesn't want to be in their home. s17 says nothing. can't believe this doesn't impact him.
s17 says I am weird and ask too many questions( like how is school , how are you feeling) I don't ask him too much about h. s17 is quiet and prefers I not talk to him at all!

I can feel h's disdain for me.

[kat727]

You are thinking way too much about someone who isn't your immediate concern. You and your kids are what matter. That is where your focus needs to be. Quit trying to figure him out.

The relationship the kids have with their dad is between him and them. You don't need to figure it out or drill your kids about it. You aren't going to move forward if you can't wrap your head around this.

kat

[BeginningAgain]

I agree with Kat. Just concentrate on being a mom to your kids and take a ally to yourself. Right now spending time and energy worrying about your H is a wasted effort and is simply taking energy away from you and the kids that you both need and deserve.

BA

[figgeroni]

of course he would knock...he doesn't live there anymore.

Stop focusing on him

stop placing your feelings onto him

stop trying to figure out how he feels or how the kids feel...


you are who you need to be concerned with

[willbwell]

ok, I know... I am an awesome mom to my kids. They are my treasure. the prize! I am made of strong stuff!I have many gifts. I have great support.
do I just file the disappointment away? I know its too bad for h. comes down to expectations. I did expect better. I guess we all do.