New to DB but D quickly advancing

[NoMoreMistakes]

Thanks for the input. Ill definitely discuss it with the wife, making sure to plan it out in advance and aim for a time she is most likely to respond positively.

As for working on me, I am trying to share my feelings more and reach out to other people. I tend to keep to myself and not let others in. So I am taking this opportunity to let my family and friends be my support system. I am also looking at effective strategies to deal with conflict instead of avoiding it. I tend to avoid difficult conversations or do what will cause the least amount of conflict even it is bad in the long run. This discussion with my W about postponing the D will be a good chance to try out these skills.

[Breakdown]

I tend to keep to myself and not let others in.

I tend to avoid difficult conversations or do what will cause the least amount of conflict even it is bad in the long run.

Do you know why?

[NoMoreMistakes]

*I think its from my family dynamic where I was always trying not to be the problem child or cause more stress for my single mom.

I tend to feel like I don't want to dump my problems or stresses on others, so I don't share much. But that leads me to be pretty walled of when I like something as well. This lead my W to think I didn't like being around her and I didn't do a good job explaining when I didn't want to so something.

[sandi2]

If you tell your W you filed too hastily, what are you expecting from her?

[NoMoreMistakes]

I don't know what I would really expect from her. At the time we signed the paper work it was the day after DDay and her feedback was that she was just numb from shock and didn't know how to process it. She agreed to sign because she did not want to keep hurting me.

I guess I would be looking to see if she agrees it was too hasty or worth delaying. I would expect that she at least listens to my feeling and would provide some feedback as to her position. But I can't really expect much more. Given my rash handling of the situation, it may be too much to expect so I will prepare for that case.

[NoMoreMistakes]

Well, I brought up the discussion today after some guidance from my coach on talking points. I asked her for her opinion on pushing back our finalization and her still moving out so that we could have our space to figure things out. She just said maybe and eventually Ill consider considering it.

I don't know if my timing was bad or how I approached it but I don't really feel like I got a positive reaction from it. Ill back off for not but don't know how to approach a follow up as I will have to file the motion in a few days since our finalization is on the 24.

[NoMoreMistakes]

We are only a week away from finalization and I only got "Ill consider considering it" which pretty much feels like a no. So trying to detatch and work on focusing on other things. Definitely a tough task today.

Still feels like she is just in a fog and time will prove its worth fighting for but with finalization quickly approaching, its looking bleaker. May just have to let the process play out and deal with a R post D if there is to be one.

[Breakdown]

*I think its from my family dynamic where I was always trying not to be the problem child or cause more stress for my single mom.

I tend to feel like I don't want to dump my problems or stresses on others, so I don't share much. But that leads me to be pretty walled of when I like something as well. This lead my W to think I didn't like being around her and I didn't do a good job explaining when I didn't want to so something.

So what are you doing to change that dynamic?

[NoMoreMistakes]

I am talking more with friends and family. I have shared some of my feelings with my W but she is not in a place to hear or take them into consideration. So I just follow the rules, be positive and honest about what I'm feeling but for the most part give her space. Anytime I mention feelings with her she pulls away, so I mainly just talk with my family who has been extremely supportive. This is a change for me as I would almost never go to my family for support out of fear of being a burden on their already stressed days.

In my friendships, I have started working on expressing my desires more. Looking to hang out and not avoiding conflict if something comes up that doesn't interest me or that I don't agree with.

[NoMoreMistakes]

As far as GAL, I am taking up painting and drawing. They are things I like to do sparingly but with a lot of time, I will take them up as hobbies. I am also getting out of the house more. Going over to friends houses to hang out, enjoying the out doors and having guys weekends watching football.

Anything to get me out of the house since seeing all of my W stuff packed in the living room is tough. We get along when there at the same time but she is continuing the EA without any pretense of hiding it so its a bit tough.