I guess I should've put "fat" in quotes. Those were her words not mine.
She did attend the MLB game with my entire family. We had a great time, but she was on her phone constantly. I spent my time running to the concession stand and bathroom with the boys. They actually had a blast. Our team won in extra innings with a walk off home run. I made sure we sung all the songs, did the dances, the chants, etc. We rode the monorail and buses going in so the kids could get experience on public transportation.
I still am not able to detach like I should. I wake up every morning with the knot in my stomach. I try to analyze every word and deed. I feel like I'm facing an execution in four months and no one will talk about it.
There was an interesting conversation the other night. She had been excited about going to see a local band play at a bar in town. The boys and i rode dirt bikes that day, but she was at home when we returned late that evening. She made the statement that she "just couldn't be seen down there." Mature for her.
I spend most evenings outside. It's too painful to be around her, so the boys and I play ball or just hang out until dark. She leaves immediately after the boys go to bed.
I dread the school routine that's coming up. That was the most physically demanding time during this. I still hate homework . I do think going back to school will help her realize how tough this is. A monkey could take care of these two during summer break. It's not so easy when you have to maintain a routine and meet responsibilities. It seemed to help draw her to me in the spring.
I'm trying my best to be patient and let the answers come to me. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of missing my best friend. I'm tired of sounding like a broken record on here hahaha!
I've got to keep on fighting. She's worth every second of this.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Getting back into the whole school routine scares the crap out of me!! Thankfully when they start school I go back to work. Work is like vacation for me compared to taking care of my two sweet tornados all summer.
For many these MLC have to do with skirting family responsibilities. They want to be teenagers again.
They cant admit that they are having a hard time with parenthood and instead exaggerate in their mind all the problems of their marriage.
This is beautiful: Ive got to keep on fighting. She's worth every second of this.
She is worth it as are your kids.
Keep GALing.
Alanon saying: Dont give up before the miracle
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I feel like a broken record on this forum too! Like I did this or he did that and this happened, blah blah blah! But it seems to help me to think through things.
School does force a routine in and can be stressful even in the best M sitch. You are doing your best and as difficult as it is for you, she may be in a phase to think about what she really wants.
I'm glad you think she is worth it! She must know you think that. How could she not?
Is she at the house every day then?
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Every day. Usually for supper and then most all day on weekends.
But being here physically is not the same as being here.
An example would be yesterday evening when I put the dog to bed. She's a 50 lb sweetheart but she has to come in to keep from barking all night. Anyway, the dog was on her bed and w came in to see her. W got down and was petting her and wanted a lick on the face. The dog turned and looked at me and wouldn't. W apologized for not spending more time with her and was really being sweet. Still, no smooch. W then says, "give me a kiss or I'm going to cry!" She finally got one but it took a while. It made me sad for her.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
What an interesting day yesterday. The county I live in had an emergency response drill at my Ws employer. My work required that I be involved. W texts with me all morning giving me updates on what's going on as they prepare, the kind of commercial vehicles outside that will play a part, etc. I explain to her based on what she's seeing the situation that they will eventually create as part of the drill. She passes this on to her coworkers and is so happy to be in the know.
The drill starts and I get the call to respond. W wants the play by play during the whole exercise, and I fill her in as I can. She passes this along to others. Still tickled that she has a connection to whats going on.
As expected, the others on-site are dressed to fight fires, take care of casualties, etc, but that's not my role. So, I'm dressed in business casual like normal, granted with all the safety gear on. Being the better dressed always gives you the look of authority, whether you are or not. (I'll admit I wasn't innocent in my clothing choice). I was hoping it wouldn't go unnoticed with w and it didn't.
When the drill is over w texts to see where I am and she and some of her friends come to find me. I'm holding court with four or five people when she shows up. Introduce her to them and chat for a few mins. Later, she comes back out and asks if I'm available to go out for lunch, but I was not. Yesterday evening when she came home she asked me to tell her all that happened and asked lots of questions.
After dinner we had to go by the boys school to meet their teachers for this year. I was still dressed nicely, but because of the drill she was dressed in shorts, t-shirt, etc. The meetings went well. When leaving, w made the comment that I was the best dressed person there, and she laughed that everyone probably wonders why Mm would want to be married to me (her). I laughed it off and said all they had to do was look at your hot legs!
For the first time in a while, I really felt like w expressed how proud she is of me and proud to be my w. I recognize it was mainly to feed her own ego, but that's ok. Doesn't mean she's "in love" with me, but it does help in the man only a fool would leave department.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Loved the post, Mm! Full of positive energy and oozed that kind of animal attraction that a woman likes to have for a man!
IMO, every encounter like that is a positive deposit in the R bank.
There was an interesting article in the WSJ this week about postures and confidence.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I was hoping w would be one of the "injured" and I would be thrust into service to give her mouth to mouth. Wasn't in the cards but maybe someday
Lol!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
. I do think going back to school will help her realize how tough this is. A monkey could take care of these two during summer break. It's not so easy when you have to maintain a routine and meet responsibilities. It seemed to help draw her to me in the spring. 