I am thinking about asking w to have dinner with me tonight. Since she asked me on Wednesday, it is maybe my turn to ask her? If we had met and just started dating I think the timing would be right. I kinda feel like so much time passes between the times we see each other that it gets awkward. I could also just try for the boating thing next weekend.. But if that happens, it would likely turn into a whole day + overnight thing which could be awkward. Any vets reading this? Any thoughts from anyone?
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
I am not really sure how to define where I am at right now. We really haven't had any negative interactions since march. The big exception is that she canceled the Vegas trip two days before we were supposed to go without giving a reason. Still, I didn't get upset (as far as she knows). Anyway we have pretty minimal but positive interactions. And actually going out with her last week was probably the most positive interaction I have had with her since we split. It sort of feels like I am at the very very early stages of trying to build a new relationship and I don't really know what to do as far as how often to initiate contact or, when we are together, how to treat her so that I am not applying too much pressure but at the same time I am avoiding being just friends. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
I am thinking about asking w to have dinner with me tonight. Since she asked me on Wednesday, it is maybe my turn to ask her? If we had met and just started dating I think the timing would be right. I kinda feel like so much time passes between the times we see each other that it gets awkward. I could also just try for the boating thing next weekend.. But if that happens, it would likely turn into a whole day + overnight thing which could be awkward. Any vets reading this? Any thoughts from anyone?
I've taken it in turns asking my H out. He paid for dinner one week so I said it was my turn the next time. It was a bit strange because that's not soemthing we did when we were dating - he always instisted on paying. The overnight thing might be awkward - it was for me the one time it happened with H (after the fact, not before or during). I'd say just play it by ear on the day. Don't expect anything and don't commit to it being more than just a few hours. Maybe have a plan B in case you either need an escape route because it feels too awkward, or just in case she cuts it short.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Thanks nq, I just heard from my friend that the boating thing is completely out for this weekend. Good thing I never confirmed with w. I now have to try to think of something else exciting... Or just say I am busy... I think Maybe I will try to meet her during the week... Shorter meetings = less pressure
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
I went back and read my entire thread (both of them). Wow! What a long strange trip it has been. And will continue to be. I was posting on another site a bit more between May and July and now I wish I would have stuck with one spot, but hindsight... It is funny how within a week or even within a day my mood and feelings change. I suspect the same happens with my w. I wonder if she knows she could have me back. And if she does is does, is that a good thing? I want so much to build on our positive interactions of last week, but I know I can't force anything. We text a bunch yesterday about an unpaid bill that is in my name, but she is responsible for. It wasn't a negative exchange at all, just businesslike. At one point I ended with "I hope you had a good weekend".. She never acknowledged that message, but continued to respond about looking into the bill issues. My last message to her early evening yesterday was that she received a toll-bridge violation and that I would be happy to give it to her over cocktails sometime (which is exactly what happened last week.. We met for drinks and I gave her mail, bills, and toll violations). Anyway, she has not responded yet. I am still wondering if she is going to want to get together this weekend like we talked about. Anyway, now I think I need to wait for her to respond to my latest text before I bring up any new topics. Should I be more detached here? I just don't know where I stand. How does it happen when you transition from rarely seeing each other to more regular interactions?
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Wed. Aug 14. W was supposed to come by in morning to pick up mail. Here is what has happened since.
Text exchange:
Her: got pulled to sf today. Can I come by tonight or tomorrow night? Friday morning might work too.
Me: do you just want to get mail? Do you need car?
Her (8:16 am): Need mail. We can arrange car another day if that is ok with u :-)
Me (8:37 am): Ok. Just let me know when ur coming and if I won't be here, I will leave where you can pick it up.
Me (10:51 am): FYI (phone) bill is due again in a couple of days.. I know it seems like we just paid it
Her (11:56 am): I can pay online now that I ha e login. I will post $xxx payment tonight, k?
Me (12:14 pm): k. Pls let me know balance after you pay. Btw we are eligible for new phones if you want one.
Her: (12:16 pm): I totally need one but don't want to commit to two year contract.
Her (2:55 pm): U working at nights still?
Me (2:59 pm): No summer session just ended. Only doing (job #2) until fall when I have 4 classes.. Yikes!
Her (3:04 pm): Busy guy ... Do you have kids tonight? I could really use a few hrs out getting a drink & appetizers
Me (3:08 pm): no kids. Where would you like to meet?
Her: (3:23 pm): trying to think of a good meeting place away from downtown. Was thinking (expensive place) but kinda expensive... Any ideas
Me (3:33 pm): how about someplace in (nearby city)? (Named three possible place)
Her (3:34 pm): drive will suck
Her (3:38 pm): how about Mexican rest by kids house on (street name)? Margaritas & tacos?
Me (3:40 pm): (name of place) .. What time? You coming from sf?
Her (3:42 pm): no in (hometown) now. How about 4:30 pm?
Me (3:44 pm): sounds good. See you then.
Her (3:49 pm): perfect
Her (4:33 pm): in bar at table
Me (4:35 pm): In traffic going back to house to get mail.
Her (4:43pm) Ur killing me... U r never late to anything :-)
I showed up late because I needed to bring her mail to her ( which took me out of the way) and traffic was bad. We had a good time. Very laid back and casual. W touched me a few times and it felt slightly flirty to me. One of the things we talked about was friday night sailing races that i do with a friend. She sounded very interested in going and next possible race would be friday august 23. I told her she should come with me that friday. She said at one point in the conversation that she had given up on men implying that dating is not going well for her.. I am not sure how to take this comment.
Right after we left she text again
Her (7:39 pm) thank you for hanging out tonight.
Her (7:40 pm) next weekend sounds fun (referring to sailing races)
Me (7:51 pm) I had fun too. I'll try to get you on a boat
Was that a date or a just a friendly get together? We hadn't seen each other since May.
Skip forward to Friday August 16 (no contact between)
Me (1:40 pm): did you happen to pay any of (phone) bill?
Her (1:56 pm): Omg.. I got busy and forgot.
Saturday August 17
Me (10:46 am): ok. It is due today so I will pay.
Her (10:49 am): I will login and pay $xxx right now
Me (10:51 am): thnx
Her (11:07 am): just paid (phone) and (other cc bill)
Me (11:13 am): thanks
Monday August 19
Me (10:28 am) just FYI .. The (cc) bill is due by the 10th of the month... I am getting all kinds of reminders (for that bill).. I was late on my other cc bills this month too.. Bills suck
Her (10:34 am): I just paid $xxx
Her (10:35 am): I will check again at beginning of the month to make sure
Me (10:39 am): Reminder said (double what w paid) is due.. So I assume (other half) is due by sept 10th... Anyway hope you had a good weekend
Her (6:02 pm): got it. Will take care of it next pay check
Me (6:25 pm): you are the proud owner of another (bridge toll) violation which I would be happy to turn over to you over cocktails again sometime.
That brings us up to date. No response to my last text. My friend cannot do the race on the 23rd so I can't either (his boat). Should I ask her out to do something else? I am not sure if I have a window of opportunity here or not. I don't really know what last Wednesday was about. It felt very positive at the time and she seemed very interested in hanging out with me again soon. I just don't know how to begin the process of spending time with w again after all of this time apart. We had previously agreed to go to vegas until she canceled two days before. That is all documented here in this thread. Wednesday was my best day with her since we split up. We have met up other times, but they were not as positive. One difference in my actions for this time was that I agreed to meet right away. Previously I had been busy and we had to work to reschedule. Anyway, I am lost and don't know how to initiate spending time with w again. If we were just starting to date (without our history) it would be much easier. Any suggestions???
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
