Soccer season has started and we had a coaches clinic last night for two hours. Basically we played soccer drills the entire time. League president asked me to come back to tonight to play since they'll have fewer participants. I hope too, as I met some really nice people at the one yesterday and had lots of fun.
Two odd issues. W is now following my pictureless Instagram account. I have it to keep up with the boys. Why follow me?
The other issue is she sent me the video where I jumped off the platform up at the lake. Before I first jumped in I asked her and the boys what I should do (cannon ball, can opener, etc). I didn't catch it at the time, but on the video w responds "do a dive, honey!" Honey? I got my rear chewed out for calling her honey. Haha, I forget rules only apply to me.
I didn't dive by the way. Some of you are like me and remember the girl who became paralyzed jumping in a pool. Seems like her name was johnni or something close. That's not ice castles is it? Anyway, I don't dive in water unless I know how deep it is.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Mtnman, you are doing so well. W is still very interested in you. Sometimes our spouses slip back into the old ways (honey) and they forget where they are when they are having a great time.
A year ago July, the day my H bought his Mercedes, we were on the phone and I was gushing about how beautiful the car was and he said ILY by accident! It floored me too!
Also, about the Instagram, sometimes they want you to know their interest in you. But my H has let me know clearly more than once he wasn't "close friends" with me on FB. It's the push-pull dynamic.
It's nice she sent you the video of your jump. And it's so good you have a level head about safety. I'm sure W appreciates that about you. I'm sure there are many ways you remind her of her beloved father but you have that "big boys can have fun, too" mentality. She is attracted to it, but very afraid for her heart right now.
You keep going, I love your updates as you keep plunging into territory ahead yet keeping it all together (home, boys, work, and keeping-the-door-open for W)!!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I wish I was keeping it together, rH. I struggle every single day to get out of bed. My thoughts focus on my boys and my wife, and how much I want us back as a family again. The pain at times is unbearable, still. But I make it through.
Right now prayer gets me through the day. Two weeks ago I spent a night out of town for work. I walked to the Catholic Church in the city and prayed until they locked the doors. (I'm not catholic but knew it would be open). While there I opened the book in the pew that had scripture/meditation for each day of the year. I looked up that days verse(s). It was Psalm 126 verse 5. " For those who sow in tears shall reap with with shouts of joy!" You and the others on this board can appreciate what that meant to me. We've all sowed a field full of tears.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
That's wonderful you can find consolation in prayer and mediation. And I think the fact you are active helps too.
I understand the not wanting to get out of bed. There's a verse in the bible where people say something like "would God it were morning and then would God it were evening" like life is unbearable. It feels something like that.
Even this year many times I would get up and help get H ready for work and then get S13 breakfast and start his homeschool assignments and all I would want to do is to back to bed!
IC helps. Prayer helps. Exercise helps. Vitamins help. Social groups help. Obsessing about wishing W would come back doesn't help. You just have to live and be and do. And wait.
I'm so sorry, Mm. Keep going. You're doing the right things. People have run marathons with prosthetic legs! We can get though this, right?
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I think it's a really good sign that you and the W can have fun together. Mine won't allow much of that. Not ready yet, I suppose.
She has started to allow herself to laugh at a few of my jokes though!
Originally Posted By: Mtnman
I wish I was keeping it together, rH. I struggle every single day to get out of bed. My thoughts focus on my boys and my wife, and how much I want us back as a family again. The pain at times is unbearable, still. But I make it through.
You're trying too hard. There's nothing you can do to force fix this. I know it's natural to worry, but look how it isn't helping! Just live for the moment and enjoy each day. Focus on the positive things. Like how you all still can have fun together. Many here wish they had that.
Remember, this will take plenty of time to get through. You have to find a way to be at peace with it all if you're going to make it. I know you can too!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thanks FY. It is nice to still have fun together, but it's a two edged sword. Just a couple of nights ago S9 was teasing w about giving him a real hug before bed. S9 is like me in that we're very affectionate. Anyway, w says you think this is loving? Pushes me down on top off S9's bed and absolutely wallows me. We all laughed.
I've just got to be patient. I know that. The new phrase on the church sign headed into town say, "Be patient. God isn't finished working yet!" That was nice to see today.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
No real changes here. W stressed over work and definitely more distant lately. She appears to be slowly pulling away. She does text me about the same, but not as friendly in person.
I did mess up the other day when she asked how she looked in an athletic outfit. It was way too fitting and was not flattering at all. I gave her a look that she knew I didn't like it. She changed and cried a lot. The crying was definitely a new thing. she hasnt cried in over a year. She was really mad at me for thinking she was fat. I went with her and bought her a new outfit at a sporting goods store to make up for it. I told her I always think she's beautiful and she knows that. She seemed to get over it but I know it hurt her. I apologized plenty.
Part of me is glad she cared what I thought enough to get that upset. Part of me worries that she sees that as conditional love. She has been heavier during our marriage (hello two kids), so she must know that's not an issue with me. I've told her that over and over during this ordeal.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
