The reason he holds on ~ he needs that hole gone

[RosaLinda]

That is a great quote Nero! You DO feel the same, only not always. None of us do, it is just too damned hard. Hang in there! Did you make a new thread yet? Gonna go check now.

[RosaLinda]

Hi TVS, are you okay? Hope all is well at your house in la la land. My poor H is having a colonoscopy today, he's SO sick from the bowel cleansing. I'm keeping faaar away

[nero]

heyhi-

congratulations on return of sense of humour - once ina great while it peeps out here,, it's like the sun huh?

oh well- still pretty much living in the artic in general i'd say- too darn bad this guy can't be his old self.

he was a nice person. i have serious doubts aboutnew guy

oh well huh- as you say- one more day along the path
\
xxoo

[complicated]

Hey TVS just checking in on you! We haven't heard from you in a while. Hope everything is going well with you and the boys.

Maybe you're resting up for your big August, lol.

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks for checking in on me ladies - don't worry, I haven't taken the bridge - yet

Things have been busy here, but beyond that, I've been taking a break from posting updates and even from journaling. I think I have more or less been sitting with my thoughts, mulling things over.

As I told a dear friend, I feel like I'm in my own limbo land. I'm not feeling terrible, but not great either. Just kind of plodding along...

That isn't to say that things have been bad here. On the contrary, they have been quite good.

But I have become so protective of my battered heart, that I am always cautious when things are calm and seemingly normal. I keep waiting for something bad to happen.

Interactions between H and I have been very good. I feel like there are times when we slip into an old ease with each other - and we joke and laugh and talk like we always have.

Other times, it seems like we are feeling our way around each other. Is it okay to do this? Is it okay to say that?

H continues to not sleep, and is coming up to bed at some point during the night often. Not every night - but quite often.

I had plans this evening with my parents to take the boys to an amusement park. I invited H, but he declined. Said he had a lot of home projects that he wanted to do (which is true) while the boys weren't here. But I sensed he just didn't want to go.

We ended up not going due to rain H ended up working his a$$ off this evening, and did do a lot of things he's been talking about. I thanked him numerous times for all of his work.

Changed things up a bit tonight. I usually go upstairs once I get the boys to bed and leave H to himself.

But this evening, I stayed downstairs and watched one of his reality shows with him. (Naked and Afraid - Not enough freakin money in this world!!! ) He did text - which I expected - but did not ignore me like he used to, and we chatted throughout the show.

Looking for some small ways to make more connections with him.

There wasn't much texting today, but his phone is blowing up now as we speak. That usually means they are planning to see each other soon, plotting their stories and lies. Who knows.

Have been reading along with everyone's threads, will try to comment more soon

Good night

[reachingHigher]

Oh sweet lady,

I understand about taking a little break and thinking. There's so much to consider. Sounds like you're balancing everything perfectly. It does wear you down, I know, I know.

Thanks for your comments on my thread. You've consistently been supporter and friend for over a year now!

I'm working on things being different, it's good advice. I think my H is too.

Hang in there, Tvs, you're doing just the right things. Patience, patience & more patience is so hard!

Thinking of you,
rH

[job]

T,
I'm glad you are doing okay. It's good when you can step away from the forum for a while and take time to mull things over in your own way. I consider stepping away from the forum a rather healthy way to check your pulse and see how your situation is doing in the real world and not just discussing it here.

I think things are progressing slowly but surely. He appears to be taking more of an interest in projects around the home and coming up to bed at some ungodly hour, but that's okay...he appears to feel "safe" in order to do this.

BTW, I watched that show last night and there isn't enough money in the world for me to try to survive in some jungle w/a stranger and naked. Not all of these people survive the 21 ordeal and end up leaving due to be ill or just can't hack it. What will them come up w/next?

The most important thing is to take care of T. When you are ready to come back and post, please do so, i.e., even if it's just to say hi and that you are okay. Take some time away and allow the fresh air to brush the cobwebs away. Be kind to yourself and know that you have and continue to give your marriage all that you can.

Take care.

[TSquared2]

Hi TVS,

Yup, I get the protecting the tears, rips, frayed edges and tatters of our hearts and egos...

Interactions between H and I have been very good. I feel like there are times when we slip into an old ease with each other - and we joke and laugh and talk like we always have.

Other times, it seems like we are feeling our way around each other. Is it okay to do this? Is it okay to say that?

This sounds like the dynamic W and I have going on right now. I think both are good signs, the falling into the old ease, and also the feeling around, because both people are rather changed, yet the old soul endures and is still there inside.

I am watching W take more interest in things about the house like your H, and when I was working night shift just recently, she turned on the outside lights for me so I wouldn't come home to a dark house...hasn't done this in a long time, so maybe is thinking a wee bit of me and also "real life" again, idk.

The vets say that the slow return is best, but man, I guess I need to redefine "slow" in my mind sometimes (or cut back on the coffee, not sure which).

Hang in there and a break is also good I have found, so enjoy it and let things sift and settle.

[complicated]

I've never been one to do anything slow either and this kills me. TVS glad everything is going slowly but surely.

It's good to change things up a bit. I'm sure h was surprised when you stayed downstairs with him but a pleasant one. I'm sure ho bag didn't know what to think because he probably wasn't texting as much.

I'm sure your h is confused. The person he thought was so aweful is pleasant to be around and happens to be the mother of his boys.

Keep being wonderful and making it hard for him to want to talk or be with ho bag.

[uRworthy]

My friend, I have been thinking about you today. I was thinking about how hard it is, what you are doing.

It is like a death, isnt it, in some ways? Of life the way you knew it. Of the man the way you knew him.

And I know you must wonder, where did it go, where did he go?

But than I thought, so many things come in nature from a kind of death or from great change.

And that maybe, this all happened so that you can experience a far greater, deeper marriage. Maybe, with this great change in him and in you, the metamorphosis will be of two people who realize who they are and what they had, so that they will never again let anything break it apart.

At least that is my great hope, T. And there is always hope.

He is in there. How strange it must feel to him to be doing something so different than who he was. How sad he must be to feel so depressed, so confused and in such turmoil inside. He is struggling to come out of the cocoon he's built around himself. And when he does, he will see you standing there strong and sure.

T, I know that the hurt and the disasppointment run so deep. How can it not? But I also know what you are made of and how strong your heart.

Try to remember that you are an amazing woman, loyal, and compassionate and loving. And all that matters.

I know that you will do whatever it takes to see this through. And I also know, without a doubt, that you will be ok however this turns out.

And I want you to know, that no matter what you decide, I always, always have your back.