Life has been super busy, and I have been reading along with threads, but not posting. It really does get better as we are able to reclaim ourselves from this mess.
Anyway my xh contacted my youngest son to tell him a couple of weeks ago to say that he recognises that he needs to do a lot of work to repair their relationship, and is paying for him and his gf to visit him while they are staying with me for their vacation.
THEN and this is the lovely news, youngest son and gf are now engaged (post this contact).
However, it was my eldest son getting engaged that I believe was a trigger for my xh's MLC 8 years ago (there were other things, but his behaviour changed from that point). So I am wondering if this will plunge him further into his crisis.
I have heard nothing from him in nearly a month, not even a brief message about the engagement, which I slightly expected..
Fortunately they are not getting married until next year so we have time to sort some things out, I hope.
Bea, Congratulations to your son and gf on their engagement. It will be interesting to see your xh handles this news. The visit w/his father should prove rather interesting too.
How are you coming w/your projects around your home? You aren't over doing it, are you?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly - I have been having fun with family and friends, not busting a gut on the house!
Cadet, as to reconnecting with his kids, I think that the MLC handbook long since ceased to apply to my xh!! He is doing it his way. In fact I have come to the view that he has completed his MLC as far as he can without professional help which he will never ask for. The OW he got together with after our divorce appears to be a good influence on him and his behaviour, and I think that is the way it is going to be - he is probably doing the best he can, and I will leave it at that.
Today is my wedding anniversary, and it is always just a little sad. Since the death of all of our parents we are probably the only people in the world who remember the day (not something you burden your kids with post MLC)
They say that the MLCer remembers. I rather doubt this in my case. So probably just me, but I am having a good day all in all.
Recovering our past is hard - that is the one thing that the MLCer really robs us of. It becomes unsafe - you wonder at what point they bailed, at what point it is all false? But then it comes not to matter, and it is how we and our children remember it, and that is as good, positive and happy. Screw them (if the censor allows that one!)
So to newcomers, it is OK in the end whatever happens. You did your best.
Bea, Happy anniversary. Yes, the mlcers do remember specific, important dates. They may not always say anything about them, but they do remember.
Your xh is a lot like my xh in the fact that the ow appears to be someone who keeps them afloat. Neither of them will hit rock bottom until that hit that spot the "hard" spot in the ocean until that person is out of their lives. How long will it take? Could be soon or it could be years from now. It's very unfortunate that your xh can't see the light and realize he had a wonderful wife and family. I am very sorry that he just can't seem to get his act together to realize all of this and find a way to mend the fences with the family.
I hope you can find something enjoyable today and celebrate that special day in your own way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have been away for a few days, and just arrived back to find a letter addressed to my xh at my house.
I bought this house after our divorce, he has never lived here, or even visited. He owns two properties a long way from here, and OW2 also has an apartment and a house.
You would not find this address simply by browsing, as I keep it very private (although I know my xh has it) so the sender would not find it randomly.
Could someone please suggest why he has started to have mail sent to my new home. It isn't forwarded from somewhere else, it isn't junk mail, I can tell by the envelope it relates to his professional life.
I am utterly dumbfounded. it makes no sense whatsoever. There is no way i would arrange to have mail sent to his homes. how does he propose to get it - we live a long way away from each other
Has my youngest son's engagement sent him over the edge? Is he expecting my to contact him and say 'btw you have a letter here, what should I do
I laughed out loud when I read this! I am on my third house post divorce. My XH has no connection with this state, much less this house. AND YET, I get mail addressed to him. It makes me feel like I am being stalked. When a professional organization sent something to him here I called up their director of membership and ripped the poor girl a new one.
I hate to say it, but it's a function of the marketing driven age we live in. People throw things out into the universe and see what sticks.
Otherwise you sound fabulous. So thrilled for your family's good news. Keep doing what you're doing!
Maybe the news of your son's engagement (btw, congrats to them) HAS put him over the edge...in a good way. Just a thought. That is really nuts alright. Do you know for sure that he and the ow2 or ow3 or whichever ow he was with, are still together? Do you suppose that he's on his own now and has had time to move along further on his journey? It's possible that he sending you a message and is looking for an excuse to reconnect via his mail. If he's reconnecting with the kids then you're next! I'm an optimist so don't pay any attention to me.
There are as many possible reasons as there are mlcers. I've read that no two are alike in the way that they reconnect. I'm anxiously waiting to see if he contacts you. I'm not sure what I'd do. Whatever you do, don't use your son as a messenger. Either let him contact you or if you are ready to have contact with him, send an email telling him that you have a piece of mail addressed to him. Look at the rookie (me) giving the Vet advice. LOL
Happy Anniversary. Remember the good that came from your marriage and let the rest go. There were more good years than bad so focus on those and the wonderful children that resulted from those happy times.
Welcome back, I've missed reading your posts.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
I know everyone is going to hate this answer but hear it goes...
I would open it, not to snoop but to see if its junk mail. I am guessing its junk mail. If its not junk mail you will know rather quickly then you should not read the contents and send xH an email saying he got a letter at your place & you opened it accidentently.
The reason I suggest this unethical move is because I believe our mental health is the most important thing and any time wasted figuring out why this letter is being sent to your home when its probably junk is wasted time & can really set you back.
Congrats to your son!
My kids are much younger but I always think about the happy times I will share with them in the future like weddings and babies and that really motivates me to keep it together.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
