Okay, I have my new favorite trifecta... You in a cheerleader outfit, ice cream and a drink. Holla!
You are right - the time spent in MLC in relation to the time I've had total with my H does not compare. Our R runs deep. So while I get frustrated and weary, I have been able to find the strength to pick myself up and keep moving forward.
I think about a renewed M all the time. Maybe too much.
Going to keep trying to do my best to see this through one way or another.
Thanks
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
T, You are doing great. You will see this through. Your h is "inching" his way along and it's going to take some time for him to see the light, but I do think he's baking up slowly but surely.
What about you? How are you doing? Do you have plans for the weekend?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for the reassurance gals! It's hard for me not to question myself, question just what the hell is going on...
Even after a year and a half, I am still so very hurt by the A. Symptom or not, the reality of it is just so painful. On the other hand, I want to make sure that it all plays out so that when it is over, it is OVER. Because I'm telling you right now, ol'TVS is not sticking around for an encore presentation of this show.
I remember that for a long, long time I took things day by day. I had to. Thinking further ahead seemed impossible.
Sometimes I go back to that thinking, if I'm having a tough day. But mostly, I like to do the T^2 check- ins every few months. So can I make it one more day? You bet!
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So the boys and I had dentist appointments together. I remember specifically that when I made the appointment back in January, I expected H to not be living here. Things didn't go as I thought they would.
Anyway, he volunteered to come with me to help with the boys while I got my teeth cleaned. I thought that was pretty nice.
Yesterday evening was really good. It was beautiful here, perfect weather. We played all evening in the backyard as a family. H was joking around and actually being really funny. He was the guy I remember
The return of his sense of humor is a big step in my book. When it up and left town, wow, THAT was tough. I found it hard to interact with him during that time. We had always had a very playful R.
I also noticed that his sense of humor now includes being able to accept teasing and joking from me. Because believe me folks, Mr. Sourpuss was having none of that!
Now of course he is still attached to his phone. He napped with it on his chest and took it into the bathroom with him when he showered. It just makes me shake my head!
One more day down on my journey. I'll let you know UW if I need you to get your megaphone out
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I remember that for a long, long time I took things day by day. I had to. Thinking further ahead seemed impossible.
Sometimes I go back to that thinking, if I'm having a tough day. But mostly, I like to do the T^2 check- ins every few months. So can I make it one more day? You bet!
I've often said that if we're struggling like crazy everyday, we'll never make it. We'll never outlast their crises. We absolutely MUST find a way to make our svcky situation work for us. Make changes, adjustments, whatever, until we are good to go. I'm so happy to hear that you have been able to do this!
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Quote:
Yesterday evening was really good. It was beautiful here, perfect weather. We played all evening in the backyard as a family. H was joking around and actually being really funny. He was the guy I remember
The return of his sense of humor is a big step in my book. When it up and left town, wow, THAT was tough. I found it hard to interact with him during that time. We had always had a very playful R.
I also noticed that his sense of humor now includes being able to accept teasing and joking from me. Because believe me folks, Mr. Sourpuss was having none of that!
You're right, the return of H's sense of humor is a huge positive sign, ESPECIALLY when he allows you to be part of it. Build on this, and you will be golden...
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Took S5 to see Despicable Me 2 yesterday. I invited H, but he acted a bit weird about it. Seemed like part of him wanted to go and part of him didn't. I told him if he wanted to go, I could get my parents to watch S3. He responded with something like, "I don't care. Whatever you want to do."
I responded with, "It doesn't matter to me. S5 and I are going to the movies either way. It's whatever you feel like doing. "
He didn't respond. I felt it was best to drop it.
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He has been good, seemingly looking for some validation about things that he does, which I am more than happy to give him.
He'll ask me things like, "Did you notice that I ____?" Or "What did you think about ___?"
I appreciate that he is doing nice things for me.
I have been in a bit of a funk lately though because I am missing having a R with him very much. As I have more interactions with the "old" H, it makes me sad that he doesn't act like my H.
So I've just been reminding myself about baby steps. We've come this far, and I don't want to spook him now.
My in- laws came over for dinner tonight. H was in a good mood and acted normal. Very little texting.
He's still sleeping horribly. Some nights he maybe gets 2-3 hours of sleep. I don't know how much longer he can go on like this.
So upcoming big events in August... I have my beach trip, then H will go on his weekend long "golf" trip, then I will have another day when I will have to see H and ho bag at work. Oh, and I turn 40.
August is going to be a doozy!
Got the blender going and popcorn popping. Maybe extra butter for this part
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Hey T I think you did good dropping the movie. Plus it gave you and S5 time together. I can't figure out how they can be so different moment to moment, just have to accept it and move on. I have a feeling we will be dealing with that part of their craziness until the end.
I too have been trying extra hard to validate. That was one of my h's comments. I think they all say that about us don't they? I'm just trying to give him less things to complain about.
Wow!!! The big 4-0! I don't know. I didn't get wigged out about mine. I had a party for h. Not the other way around though. We were in the middle of a project he elected not to deal with it. No biggie.
Another big meeting at work? This one may be a little more interesting. Your h seems to be moving along and I'm anxious to see their actions. You just look your amazing self and he's going to look pretty stupid being with ho bag.
One thing that came up this weekend when I was talking to h's mom. Well we have discussed it before but did again. How can ow not only get involved with om but with kids? Of course our h's are crazy but we're talking 2 people with no morals. Then how do you put nice person in the same sentence with ow? My h did. MIL said What kind of nice person gets involved with a married man with children? Gotta hand it to MIL, she tells it like it is!!
You're right baby steps. I feel like I have to wake up every day and say that to myself.
I had told h I was done and now he told me he wants to get out of his mess and work on our m. Yes, he actually used those words. He also didn't use her name. I guess because we were in his parents house and MIL won't allow her name mentioned there. lol But he said it was going to be a process that wasn't going to happen overnight and he still has a lot of issues to deal with. Hello! you're not telling me anything I don't already know. But at least he's admitting it.
Do you ever wonder if maybe he's not sleeping well because of stress? At some point doesn't this get to be a burden carrying around the weight of an a?
Just think happy thoughts about your beach trip. Now that's the kind of GAL i need! Other wise you have a lot to keep your mind occupied in August.
Sweet dreams!
M 48 H 50 M 25 T 27 D 20,18,15 6/11 H filed 3/12 H dropped 4/12 H moved out
Hey T! I hope you had fun at the movies with S5. He must have been so happy to have you all to himself! Too bad his dad wasn't interested in joining you, his loss the big dope.
I agree with you that your H has "crossed that middle ground and can see glimmers of the light out." More glimmers all the time. I can see such a lot of changes in him in just the few months I've known you, and a ton from reading your old threads. Judging by uR's peeking vs. moving along definition, your H is doing more and more peeking. LOTS of peeking. I betcha he starts closing those doors pretty darn soon, and you know who I hope gets her fingers smashed up in the process.
Try not to think of the work event at your job next month as having "another day when I will have to see H and ho bag at work" TVS. It is another golden opportunity for the Twat to lose even the little bit of respect your co-workers might still have for her, when they see she is still behaving like a slut. That must burn her a$$! And think of her humiliation when H closes that door on her (including smushing her fingers) for good. Pad locking, dead bolting, hammering planks across and booby trappying it just to make double triple certain she stays on the correct side of the door.
You mentioned his good mood morphing into acting irritated and impatient with kids, and said you weren't sure what his problem was but hoped it was trouble in paradise! My H gets cranky when he doesn't feel well and when RT is pulling his chain. I bet your H reacts the same way. Too bad for them that these needy horrible OW are going to put them thru living hell more frequently as they sense our Hs moving away from their clutches.
I like what uR wrote "Maybe it will help you to think about it like this. While MLC takes a very long time, it is, in the grand scheme and in relation to how long and vested you are in this relationship, not so very long."
Thanks uR, that helps all of us, for me, it puts the length of my H's MLC into perspective. 4 years....38 years. I know I can hold on a lot longer when I look at it that way. One hour, day, week at a time.
And guess what! I dug up a bunch of clams when I was scratching around with my patience shovel! Now we can have steamers with our cocktails! I have some of my popcorn butter left over to dip them in.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
You are right - the time spent in MLC in relation to the time I've had total with my H does not compare. Our R runs deep. So while I get frustrated and weary, I have been able to find the strength to pick myself up and keep moving forward.
I think about a renewed M all the time. Maybe too much.
Going to keep trying to do my best to see this through one way or another.
good for you to be sayin it- thinking it & feelin it. i hope i feel the same. sometimes i waiver and wonder if it's all worth it- if the feelings are still there (enough) OR if they could be reincarnated as something that works.
