H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
It helps Cadet, there is so much I dont understand coming from her. I mean she is not the person I have known and I can tell this even by what little contact we have. By detaching, are you saying to not respond in a (friendly )manner when she asks for something? info or whatever. I have not been initiating contact for almost 3 weeks now and only responding to her contacts (still very limited by her). But i do it nicely and try to help. Am I to be more stern for lack of a better word towards her? Right now its back to no contact from her for several days so if/when something comes up maybe I shouldn't be so nice anymore? just respond directly? I am finding though that detaching keeps me in a better mental state as when I do see an email from her I almost cringe as to oh no now what.
Hi 2old, by detaching we mean not to initiate communication with her. Answer her emails in a friendly fashion, but not too friendly. Answer them as if you were talking to one of your neighbours. You are doing well so far, keep up the good work
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Okay, I see I think. You know the thing is I am a nice person to almost everyone Seriously. And so is my WAW. I try to treat ppl like I would like to be treated. And yes, I have had a tendancy to be nice to my S in these emails but will now try to be a little less nice. Not ugly but to the point. Anyways has a great weekend GALing. Now things slow down a bit again.
Okay, I see I think. You know the thing is I am a nice person to almost everyone Seriously. And so is my WAW. I try to treat ppl like I would like to be treated. And yes, I have had a tendancy to be nice to my S in these emails but will now try to be a little less nice. Not ugly but to the point. Anyways has a great weekend GALing. Now things slow down a bit again.
I'm generally a nice person as well, I wouldn't hurt a fly The thing is, you've been hurt by your W. Like I said be friendly, but treat her as if you were talking to a neighbour. Be sympathetic if she's ill or in dire straits, etc. You're not being mean here, just not over friendly. By being over friendly she'll back off. Remember baby steps Answer her emails as short as you can. You can feel proud of yourself that you've been answering her emails in a nice way but to the point. Don't beat yourself up about this, you're doing exactly the right thing My weekend is almost over but thanks anyway Enjoy yourself GALing this week
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
oops I misread that, I thought you said have a great weekend GALing when in fact you were talking about yourself. Glad that you had a good time, I bet it's done you the world of good
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hehehe..to funny, but i hope u did have a good weekend....Trying one other question,,,,would it be wise to wait a day or so before replying? W knows I'm on puter alot so if I were to delay too much she might realize what I was doing...just a thought...
Well you're supposed to wait a day or 2 before replying, but I never do. Anyway how does W know that you go on your pc every day since she's left? For all she knows, you only pick up your mail every so often. She doesn't know what you're doing as she's never heard of 180! If you did wait a day or 2 she'll wonder what you're doing and why you aren't answering her mail immediately. It's a way of becoming mysterious, let her wonder what you're up to. When I didn't contact my H for a few days, he thought I'd got myself a new fella, lol. My H doesn't email me, he only ever phones or texts. I don't always answer it immediately and this annoys him.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Well, good point, waiting a bit to return contact. This week (thursday) is three months of my ongoing saga. That is the last time we actually seen or spoke with each other. In some ways it doesn't seem that long ago and in other ways it seems like a lifetime. I know I am stronger today yet this thing lingers on. Now that I have not been initiating contact it will be interesting to see how long things go before she does. But then again I realize that after 3 months it does not really matter if or when she might make email contact. I have been thinking also about what a strange time in my life this has been.
