"I was beginning to think nobody understood my intentions here... "
NO we ALL understand what your intentions are. We've all been in your shoes.
What you failed to understand is that we were telling you just what Sandi told you. You didn't need to tell her what you needed to RIGHT NOW. There is a time and place for everything and for you with a W who has a TRO on you, now probably wasn't the best time.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You are "in it" right now as I type - I am praying for you my friend
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Me: 27 H: 27 Together: 11, M: 3 S 2 BD: 06/24/13 Living together H: EA - unknown current status Read: DB, 5LL (slowly reading DR) Back and forth we go...
Now the bad news: The wife is still adamant that we were not good for each other. BUT, she wants to be able to talk one-on-one without the court mediating. AND she admitted my L's settlement offer was equitable. AND she said she wants the best for both of us and she still "wants to be friends."
Now the really, really bad news: She has an illness that could be potentially very serious. She is supposed to hear back in a week or so. I asked and she said she did not know about it before she left.
For the legal eagles: My L sees nothing wrong with my W & I talking one-on-one without him there. He said he does not believe her illness is a ruse and said even if it were, I am safe from any possible debts she may incur.
I guess to most people things would sound pretty hopeless, but I feel very fortunate to be where I am now. Finally, I can put DB principles to work! I am, however, truly concerned about my W's health. I asked if there was anything I could do and she demurred, said her family was helping her I told her she looked good and she said that I do too. I told her I was sorry we ended up where we are and I told her that if this is what she needs to find happiness, I am for it. I validated her opinions at every chance and did not try to convince, wheedle, bargain. We talked for 5-10 minutes but she had to get back to her job. I ended the conversation first (DBing, baby!).
Now to re-re-read DB & DR!
(AND, (because I know you're going to say it, and I know how I am) TO NOT GET MY HOPES UP.)
