Blindsided

[Mimi00]

Also, H is going to fly to a different state in a couple of months for a few days to visit his best friend and he had originally asked me if I wanted to join but I decided to stay behind with S because of the ridiculous airline ticket prices. He apparently did want me to go because he looked up prices out of a different city which were a lot more reasonable so now we are both going. I guess that is some kind of good sign, because he easily had the chance to go without me but went a little out of his way so I could join.

If you can go on the trip, I say go, especially now that you know he does want you there. Go and make it an amazing & fun trip. My H would ask me to go places and do things, I would say no, because I felt it was too much money, or because it wasn't something I liked to do, or because I just thought he was simply asking and it was no big deal. I now know I was foolish to say no, he was trying to spend quality time with me, and I did not realize it. It hurt him when I would say no, he felt alone, I didn't realize it. He didn't tell me how my not going on trips and various events bothered him until it was too late.

All we have is today, so take advantage of it, don't wait for your vacation in a few months to come.

[chl0901]

(especially since H never said anything about it - I'm gonna just need to let that go!).

Iexcept for H got really moody and quiet for a couple of hours in the afternoon so I just didn't talk to him (it would have annoyed him) and his mood had recovered mostly by the evening.

Just joined your sitch, but am sensing a pattern...are you?

Hi kate's_place, thanks for stopping by! By pattern, do you mean me needing words of affirmation from my H? Because I've found that is my LL and I do feel I need those! Also, from the second sentence, you mean that I annoy him? He does get annoyed with me easily, even when I am not "being annoying." And I've especially watched what I've said this past month with him in an effort to not be a nag or annoying but I haven't seen much of a change from H regarding my changes with that so far.

So finally read everything whew !

I see you are calming a bit but the whole OW thing is still making you crazy. What are some options for you to deal with this??

Do you mean ways to vent some of my stress and frustration about H and OW? If so, one of my outlets has been exercising which does help me some I think. I also think venting on here helps me a lot to deal, since there are a lot of other people who know how I feel and what I am going through. I also like to think of my S and remember that we are going to be okay no matter what happens. Those things usually calm me down for a bit, but then my mind starts to run wild again and just the overall feeling of betrayal and how H can lay next to me in bed at night and act like everything is going okay when I know he is confiding and spending time with OW. It just makes me really angry and upset.

[chl0901]

If you can go on the trip, I say go, especially now that you know he does want you there. Go and make it an amazing & fun trip. My H would ask me to go places and do things, I would say no, because I felt it was too much money, or because it wasn't something I liked to do, or because I just thought he was simply asking and it was no big deal. I now know I was foolish to say no, he was trying to spend quality time with me, and I did not realize it. It hurt him when I would say no, he felt alone, I didn't realize it. He didn't tell me how my not going on trips and various events bothered him until it was too late.

All we have is today, so take advantage of it, don't wait for your vacation in a few months to come.

Hi Mimi, yes, I will be going. We have booked the plane tickets and I asked off work for those days this AM. I am somewhat excited about it, but also a little anxious/upset about leaving my S for a few more days since we are vacationing like 2 weeks later without S. However, I did not state this to H since I am trying to put H more into my thoughts/actions (if that makes sense). I want H to know he is just as important to me as S is.

[Mimi00]

Hi Mimi, yes, I will be going. We have booked the plane tickets and I asked off work for those days this AM. I am somewhat excited about it, but also a little anxious/upset about leaving my S for a few more days since we are vacationing like 2 weeks later without S. However, I did not state this to H since I am trying to put H more into my thoughts/actions (if that makes sense). I want H to know he is just as important to me as S is.

Good for you going on the trip, I'm sure the alone time will be beneficial. It's also great that you're working on putting more thoughts & actions into your H. Your S needs you two on the same page for his future, but also when your S becomes of age and leaves the home your H is who will still be there with you daily. So making sure to nurture the relationship with your H just as much and you do the one with your S is a great thing

[chl0901]

Journal: Throwing a bit of a pity party for myself today. I started feeling ill yesterday and felt really bad by last night. H was pretty nice/sympathetic for the most part last night. I woke up this AM feeling even worse so I called into work. I expected H would take S to daycare since I was sick and he's done that in past similar situations. I got out of bed a couple of hours later and H was gone for work but S was still in bed, which was really frustrating. I dropped S off and then went to the dr, which took forever. I sent H a text about the dr appt taking a long time and he didn't respond. I tried to call H after the appt to let him know what the dr said (I have a virus), but no answer. I did feel pretty upset at this point with not feeling well at all and feeling no support from H. He finally text me back later and said he thought I just took the day off just because (when I never do that!), which is why he didn't take S to daycare. Now he says he isn't feeling well either so I hope he doesn't have what I have.

Pity party over!

[Mimi00]

Hope you feel better soon!

[chl0901]

Thank you, Mimi! I've gotten some (much needed) rest and relaxation!

[JuneReN]

So, a few things:
In response to your response to me. H is not going to fulfill your LL right. Unfortunately this trip is one way. You have a lot of expectations that will drive you crazy. Like most of us you keep looking for the person you married. Sometimes you find them sometimes you don't. If you act like this is a new person with new behaviors the. You do not try to reconcile past behavior and emotion with the stranger WAS is.

You are doing everything for H. Exercise, haircut, etc. again, we all have been there. They notice but they won't tell you. My suggestion is you get out of house once in a while. " I'm headed to dinner with so and so. Girls night." See ya later okay? And smile. All the time. It was my little " everything is super cool and zen smile that made H comment.

Stop asking for sex giving hugs or kisses. Period. Give the boy some space. Dont be cold just give him space. Record reactions like an experiment to see what works

How do you know he is sharing everything with OW?? You don't. It's just crazy making. Every time I have mind read I was wrong.

I think the vacation will be good. No expectations.

[chasingpavements]

I agree with everything kate's place has said! I think the vacation will be good as well. I often think I don't spend enough alone time with my H. For the past 6 years it has been all about the children, and we have not had much time for each other, just to hang around.

[chl0901]

Hi kate's_place, you're right - I do have a lot of expectations of my H that are not being met right now because I am comparing him now to who he used to be. I think I will schedule a girl's night soon which will be much needed and fun! I will also make sure to smile more.

I honestly do not know what he's told OW about us at this point, but you're right, I am mind reading. I do know that he has talked about our relationship with her in the past though so I assumed he has been again. It just drives me nuts to know they have been talking so much and spending time together (he'll take her on "dates" but not me!).