Wife dropped the bomb on me two months ago

[lost_hope]

How are you doing BKS? Just checking in.

[BKS]

Fartilitre,

Its funny that you say to do this because that is what I was doing last night. I haven't gone through it completely though. I will and I will get back to you.

From what I have read so far, I can see that my emotional state has caused some problems with respect to me figuring out how to deal with all this.

Thanks and I will continue with my homework.

BKS

[BKS]

lost hope,

Thanks for checking in on me. W said she wants D. I am still cycling between what I believe to be Denial and Acceptance.

Now that she has stated in MC that she wants D, I am not so much in denial about out situation than I was. I just have to get through the Acceptance cycle.

Fartilitre,

I am working through my threads and I see that I have been sabotaging myself with regards to my DBing efforts. I start to make a mental list of the things I have been doing wrong and the list got too long to keep mentally.

I will have to put it down on paper but I can say from first glance that I have failed at DBing for the most part. My 180's are still going well.

I will make a comprehensive list bf my backslides when time permits.

BKS

[Fartiltre]

BKS,

I am working through my threads and I see that I have been sabotaging myself with regards to my DBing efforts. I start to make a mental list of the things I have been doing wrong and the list got too long to keep mentally.
I will have to put it down on paper but I can say from first glance that I have failed at DBing for the most part.

I do agree but we all do this! The important thing right now is that you have realized this and thereby you can adjust! Do NOT punish yourself for this – learn and adjust!

I am glad you came to this conclusion all by yourself because then I can leave the 2x4 in the closet

Do take the time to put it down on paper but also mix things in that you would like to do! I believe it will help you tremendously. It will be your own 37 rules. When you have done the list then make it action oriented as MWD describes and make sure that it is action you can make happen without help. This will help you focus on you and that’s what you have got to do for now IMO and a few others in your thread:

What are you doing for YOU? GAL type stuff

Take care of yourself and start having some fun!

There's a world full of possibilities, you're the only one holding you back.

Focus on you and create goals that you have 100% control over.

I wrote my first post in your thread as an answer to a question! IMHO you have all the answer right in front of you but you have the exact same problems comprehending these as I have! I do understand this and I do get you!

You need to start doing what you know you should be doing! Act on brains and not on feelings! Focus on you! That’s the only way to be the spouse nobody would leave!

The best way to do this IMO is to make a set of measurable goals and then start working them. Evaluate, learn and adjust!

And do remember this:

Right, it's a marathon. She loved you once, right? So now she has chosen not to love you. What makes you think she can't change her mind back again?

What will make it possible for her to do this?

All the best!

F

[BKS]

Ok, here's this weeks update:

Wed. the 7th, I received a letter from W attorney indicating that I should have my attorney contact her to come to an amicable resolution.

I have talked to a few attorneys but have not retained one yet. I may just wait until I am served papers. I will speak to another attorney on Monday regarding this.

Other than that, I am still cycling up and down with acceptance and right now, I feel saddened by the fact that W is taking away and breaking up our family. It seems so selfish of her and she seemingly could care less.

I still keep a PMA around W and we even played badmitten together with the kids on Thursday. Its a very strange and surreal situation.

BKS

[shouldistillhope]

BKS,

Keep up on your PMA not only around your W, but around everyone as this will help you start feeling better over time. I know from my sitch, the time between when D is actually filed and the time before it's final is tough. You will feel like it's now or never as far as trying to save your M and in the end, it seems to just put more pressure on the WAW.

Your timeline reads alot like mine, so believe me when i tell you this, i know how you are feeling and what type of emotions you are feeling.

The thing that has helped me the most to get through the rough times by far are my kids. Be strong for them, they will look to you for answers and yet, they have a strange way of letting you know that things will be ok without even saying it. They don't understand what is happening and are probably scared and confused as well but when you are together, show them you can be there for them. They will also find new ways to put a smile on your face as well.

I will keep checking in on you and offering as much support as i can.

Have a good weekend.