Lost, confused and trying to make a stand

[brobafet]

I'm moving my thread here. I think in new comers my posts may seem counter intuitive to all that post there and I just need support and help and advice.

this is my thread in new comers:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2360374#Post2360374

Please read. Please help. Going to pick my kids up this weekend and W is expecting me to bring their birth certificates and shot records so that she can enroll them into school in her home town which is 1.5 hr away from me and my job. So far we have been getting along and have been switching the kids back in forth 7days with me 7days with her. I don't want a divorce but she does. I've remained silent in the matter and all things except to talk to my kids, since she told me last Saturday.

I have had free consultations with three different law firms but I just get more and more confused. I want to protect myself and I want to protect my children. I don't think my W has this in mind, by what she has stated to me (trying not to mind read). I'm worried that if I dont bring the papers she wants she will refuse to let me take my kids and things will get ugly. Please someone help me.

[Underdog]

Corerush,

I don't think this forum is a good fit for you - those of us here have had the divorce already and are in a post-D world. Since you are still new at this, staying in Newcomers is probably a good idea where you get way more traffic and help.

That being said, I see you live in my state. I'm not a lawyer nor do I play one on TV. But Colorado is a no-fault state, and what you want isn't going to matter.

There are plenty of TV ads lately for a law firm in Denver that specializes in father's rights (I can't remember the name but in the commercial, the guy walks around with a big red D all around him), and you might find solace there. In the end, my advice to you is to get one on retainer now to protect your relationship with the kids. Until you do that, the courts don't see this as a problem.

Good luck.

Betsey

[brobafet]

Thanks......i just feel/felt ostracized. Just wanting support

[kml]

I disagree about the forum, Betsey - I think this is the right place for anyone who is going through divorce issues, as people here have experience and advice to offer.

I haven't read your thread yet, but I do agree with Bets that you need to lawyer up. Once she enrolls the kids in school in her town, you'll have a more difficult time getting 50/50 custody, I should think (and it wouldn't be very practical anyway). I don't know if you are prepared or able to be the primary custodian, but if that's what you want, you will need a lawyer to help fight for that. Your work status and hers may influence the courts (if she's a stay-at-home mom, they'll probably let them go to school where she is.)

Separate out your feelings about wife and divorce, and just ask yourself what is best for the kids? If it seems inevitable that they will live with her and go to school there, you may not want to make waves. On the other hand, if you believe they would be better off living with you and seeing her on weekends, get a lawyer ASAP, one who is experienced in fighting for father's rights.

[brobafet]

I disagree about the forum, Betsey - I think this is the right place for anyone who is going through divorce issues, as people here have experience and advice to offer.

I haven't read your thread yet, but I do agree with Bets that you need to lawyer up. Once she enrolls the kids in school in her town, you'll have a more difficult time getting 50/50 custody, I should think (and it wouldn't be very practical anyway). I don't know if you are prepared or able to be the primary custodian, but if that's what you want, you will need a lawyer to help fight for that. Your work status and hers may influence the courts (if she's a stay-at-home mom, they'll probably let them go to school where she is.)

Separate out your feelings about wife and divorce, and just ask yourself what is best for the kids? If it seems inevitable that they will live with her and go to school there, you may not want to make waves. On the other hand, if you believe they would be better off living with you and seeing her on weekends, get a lawyer ASAP, one who is experienced in fighting for father's rights.

kml, thank you so much. My feelings are there but all I'm thinking about is the kids and what will/could be best. Which is me moving down there finding a job and being able to see my kids 50% of the time. I'm just lost and need support. The way I have been made to feel so far is that if I do move down there I am kowtowing to her when really I want to remain civil and give my kids the best life they can possibly have with us being kind and loving? towards eachother. I just need a hand or a fricken hug something. THis hurts and I'm sad.

[Rick1963]

corerush we here on this thread have been where you are. We understand the hurt, fear and pain. I would listen to KML and get a lawyer. I would wait before making any moves to relocate. I'm sorry to be pragmatic about this but you will need a steady job and income if the divorce goes through. It can be costly. I wouldn't be thinking of getting new job right now. To me work was the only stable part of my life while I went through my stich so slow down a bit. 1.5 hrs away is not that far to see the kids for a little while until you get yourself together. heck I have been driving 90 miles each way to work for 10 years. you can do it also.

[Underdog]

Ellie--I just thought that since most of us here are not on as often as they are in newcomers, he would get faster and more support up there.

I have a friend up in Fort Collins that used to post here. I can't remember his DB name but his real name is Kevin to those of us who remember him. He tried his darndest to play nice with his XW for the sake of his kids. He was and IS a truly nice guy and a great dad. His XW was definitely NOT a considerate co-parent to their 2 kids.

He would tell you if he were here to go get that damned attorney now. The monetary costs will pale in comparison to losing your kids. Kevin even had to go to court post D after he found out that his XW petitioned the court to have their kids' last names changed to her new H. He won.

I have numerous friends - both male and female - in this state who have been screwed out of the justice system here. My business partner's wife (and by default, him) were out $200K to fight her XH. And they lost anyway. Her 3 boys are really screwed up now, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it was going to happen.

If you think I'm trying to scare you, I am. YOU NEED PROTECTION. She's already making decisions without you, and that is just going to be a runaway train that gathers momentum, speed and steam.

And Rick is right. If you start this process unemployed, they are not going to see you with the stability you need to win the war.

One of the ads I've seen (I can't remember if this is the big red D one) is Cordell and Cordell. They have offices all over the state. Here's one of their quotes:

Denver Fathers Rights

A recent case involving a Colorado woman arrested for falsely accusing her ex of abuse in order to benefit in their ongoing child custody case is another example of the importance of having a Denver fathers rights attorney on your side.

False allegations of abuse are increasingly being used as strategic weapons in child custody cases to take away dads rights in Denver, Colorado. Why? Because women know they can strip away the rights of fathers in Denver by filing for an order of protection – even with little evidence for a claim – that frequently turn into sole child custody orders.

Having a Denver dads rights lawyer will ensure your rights do not completely vanish in court whether you are fighting false allegations of abuse or protecting your financial means to remain involved in your children’s lives.

If you are concerned with your rights being protected, contact a Denver fathers rights lawyer at Cordell & Cordell. To schedule an appointment, please call 1.866.DADS.LAW.

This is exactly why we're urging you to get on board. The sooner the court system has you in it, the faster you can prevent this from happening.

I also read in Newcomers that your W has previous drug issues. I suggest very strongly that you use that against her. If it comes into play, you don't want your kids to be in that type of situation. Besides, it doesn't sound like she's going to play nice with you at this point.

Best of luck.

Betsey

[brobafet]

Thank you all. Pray for me to have the clarity of mind to make sound decisions.

[brobafet]

So I went on a support for mens right website namely to see if I could get support and information. The men on this website seem vindictive and angry.and I do not want to become that. I want to work.this out with my wife I want all decisions to be between us for our children. And everything that I'm being told seems underhanded and sneaky. Am I am fool for feeling thia way. Am I a fool for thinking that W and I can put all our feelings aside and work for our children? I kmow silence is preached here with a WAS but my situation doesn't seem to fit the model. Can anyone give me some enlightenment?

[kat727]

I wanted to be able to post at work but I am no longer able to. You do realize that she never stopped cheating don't you? Maybe she wasn't with the original guy, but always with someone else. Are you sure you want this to work? She appears to have a strong addictive personality.

I would stop trying to address issues with her for the moment. Get a lawyer to protect yourself and your kids. Just because the people going to the lawyers seem angry, doesn't mean you have to be. She will walk all over you because you don't want to do this. Set your feelings aside for now. Get hopping!

kat