I noticed secret phone almost immediately after her withdrawing . Some days she doesn't do it . But on the days she does she definitely txting men. Not sure if she getting advice or other stuff.
I actually did tell her to leave once Bond but not like you said. Not in a James Bond way. When she txt other men I said it was disrespectful and asked her to move out. She said no way.
I understand getting my balls back.
I just feel her one word answers and practical silent treatment is rejection no. When she goes up to bed at night doesn't say a peep. I help her fix her laptop not even a thx you. Feel like putting a sticky note on her laptop saying "your welcome" lol
Plus I know she is txting old divorced guy friends. Not sure if it is advice or poor me type of stuff.
I really don't fear D anymore Bond. Do I want it. Not really. But this crap redic. I mean c'mon. We land from the Bahamas and 3 days later this. It is crazy train.
but.. She never truly recommitted. She try convincing herself she did but she didn't. Working on a M isn't have Se X, brushing stuff under the rug and waiting for me to make a perceived mistake. (this i will be stating)
Drawing up boundaries?? Example please? Enough is enough? If I tell her enough is enough do you know her answer? It is "nobody is asking you to stay, you can leave"
I hear everything you're saying. I'm not going to tolerate this behavior much longer.
I do not like the akwardness of not initiating conversations. Problem is when I do I get my hand burnt from touching the hot stove.
Sorry, I haven't followed or caught up with your previous threads.
What happens if you tell W about something new and exciting, or plain and ordinary, that happened to you in your day?
We teach others how they can treat us. You know, that boundary thing.
My W sometimes would roll her eyes at me when I talked. I put an end to that. She can be cool if she wants to be, but I won't accept rude. And yes, she is mired in MLC and I'm giving her plenty of space.
Welcome to the MLC board.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
How do I begin to set and enforce boundaries bond when she won't leave. Since she withdraw she change passwords to everything and start acting like HS cheerleader.
She use passive aggressive behavior such as silent treatment or 1 word answers to shut me out again .
Even on days when she initiates conversations once kids in bed she goes upstairs without a word said.
I practice detachment everyday but we all know it is not simple especially under same roof with a W who is secretive etc
She has best of both worlds I'm around as involved active parent and she has detached from me as a spouse and blames me (comment I made ) for being stuck again
First of all, FY is right - there is no need to be disrespected.
BUT - I wouldn't interpret the silent treatment as disrespect.
She knows this bothers you, you need to change how you respond. Don't be interested in her. Be more interested in everything else BUT her. Don't ask about her, don't share.
Now's not the time to work on communication in your R. That can come later. I mean, how can you work on serious adult communication with someone who has a teenager mentality? You can't.
Believe me, I completely understand where you're coming from. My H is the male version of your wife - secretive, immature.
But when I stopped being interested in him, AND stopped sharing things about me (especially my plans), he's started to become interested in me again.
And he sure as hell doesn't like it when he's not privy to what I'm doing.
Of course she's going to blame you, that's what they do. So much easier than accepting the blame themselves.
Keep being that great dad - you can't go wrong there
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Also I still don't know if my W is MLC,WAS,Perimenapause, or just a combination of all 3. She had lots of complaints about me and I've rectified many of them. ACOA and codependency issues is what I have left. I am seeking help for both. Besides that I am a great father and a good husband (to most). I truly believe that now.
And maybe even more. Which is why each of our sitchs remain unique and working through and support for us in our sitches has to remain in context.
Focusing on ourselves, will benefit ourselves. It CAN benefit our Rs and possibly save our Ms. But we can't control that outcome. Only operate in ways in which those outcomes can be possible.
yes KD but I am sort of at crossroads. I am not sure I can do this again. I weathered the physical separation. I weathered the 1st false start. I am just not sure where I am at again with all this
