"Am I anger yes a bit. I have not said any of those things to her. "
It doesn't matter if you say it to her. If you hold those things in you and they change and fester into continued anger and resentment, then they will come out in your actions towards her.
"I have been try understand her feeling but how can that happen if she does not want to speak with me."
You don't need to speak to her to UNDERSTAND her. Sometimes understanding is just respecting her wishes to figure things out on her own.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
June 7th we will return to mediation. I would like to return to couples therapy, But W said she was not interested only want to go to divorce mediation. My therapist suggested that if that is what you would like to do maybe I could ask her.
Would that be a good idea? Is there any harm in asking?
Could say something alone the lines, " Understand that you want to return to mediation, and I have agreed to that. I would like you to reconsider possibility couple's therapy as I have stated before."
You COULD ask her. Has this come up, before? That you two discussed therapy? It sounds like you HAVE talked about this before and she said "no". If that's the case, then do not bring it up, again.
The harm in repeatedly asking things is, it pushes the WAS away. It is pressure and can lead to anger and resentment from both parties.
She has said she was only interested in divorce mediation when i asked her to speak with a mediator who was also a therapist. That was last week. I just want to say to "what are you so afraid of?" Both of the therapist we meant with together told her that she had issue she need to work out. I so much want to help. Guess you are right I does not love me anymore I need to accept that.
I do understand that you want the best for your W and I suspect you would agree (even through the anger, which is likely from frustration) that you want the best for her, even if the M isn't saved.
That said, your "thought" (and I understand that was just an idle though) regarding what she was so afraid of, with regard to therapy... well... only SHE knows that. And if she IS (more) afraid of therapy than she is hopeful for a great, positive result to the therapy, then she will continue to resist it.
Also, again try to understand, she may very well believe that she... really does not have a problem that requires therapy... that she may believe she doesn't have a problem, at all... personally.
Regardless of what you, or the mediator / therapist thinks.
Truth is, we ALL have issues that could likely benefit from working with a therapist or coach. Just that it will always be a choice. Working with a therapist (and possibly equally so, without therapy) may... or may not... result in positive growth.
You do probably feel justified that the therapist agrees with you.
That still doesn't make you... or the therapist... "right"... or her "wrong".
This question is rhetorical:
Do you want the best for your W?
Then let her follow her path and find her place in life and possibly back to the M. Only she can do that and she NEEDS to do that and will learn from her mistakes and her successes, as life tends to do for us.
In the mean time, it remains... how are you... working on you...? That age old question. And I KNOW that you have posted above regarding some of your GAL.
I would ask... WHAT ELSE? What OTHER GAL and 180s are you doing, that you haven't already posted?
I have now been offered two jobs. Going to take one the if I do really well in the beginning I really can make a name for myself. This job came by luck it is an amazing opportunity. As for my other life I just hang out with my family doing things with them. Still living in my parents house. I really miss her and the life we had miss her company and love. My dog as well. I spend a lot of time alone and it [censored]. I am a handsome, kind, generous, loving man why am I alone...
A very good article in the new times magazine this past weekend may 26 2013 about female desire. " There maybe a pill for that" really hit home to me. But I read what I want to read. Wonder if there was any feedback about it.
I am curious to know what is going through your mind that you mostly are spending time with your family, as part of your GAL.
Don't get me wrong, but is there some reason why you don't get out, much? I'm guessing lack of a job, so lack of money might be the cause. Although if that's the case, quite often people can find things to do that are quite cheap or even free. Such as hanging out at a park or going to a library or even just visiting with friends, which is a great social opportunity as well as potential to network, as well.
I also wanted to bring forward from your old account, last post, you responded to a post by 25yrsmlc:
Originally Posted By: edward112
What have a Learned about myself? I rationalize things too much, without looking at emotions. I am easily depressed. I have trouble saying NO. I do not speak up for myself I am self-sacrificing, afraid of failure and subjugation, shameful, have a great fear of abandonment, codependent. I keep my expectation low so I do not get let down. I hate being lonely but often put myself in position to be lonely.
What have you done specifically to deal with the things you listed above?
I believe my job was part of the trouble I go away for two to three months at a time then I am home for two to months on vacation. I do hang out with friends. I have been reaching out to them all, my friends. I did to lose touch with many of them when I would go away. Then when I came home I wanted to spend that time with my wife. I tried to make her life easier while is was home. Cooked, Cleaned, laundry, drove her to work , pick her up from work so she did not need to take the subway, ironed her close, made lunch for her to take to work all that kinda stuff. I would send her flowers while I was away to her job to our house. Made sure I called everyday, email through the day just to keep in touch with her. We brought an old house ( sold it ) and that need wok and I spend the last five years of my vacation fixing it myself. Yes it needed a lot of work. This was a house she pick I was questionable because she had never lived in a house before, I knew it would be alot of work she love it when we first moved there, it was the neighbourhood her mother was from, her grandfather use to own a deli there the woman we brought the house from went to grade school with her aunt. The day she left she told me she hate living there, it was not cool and will never be cool, ( yes that is what she said) I said would move but guess it was too late. I do go out I spend a lot of time in museums, art galleries, running and walking around the city. I spend a lot of with my family yes I am one of 11 siblings and we are very close and yes we do hang out together.
Somethings that I have discovered about myself, I am I kind, thoughtful, attractive, funny, generous, compassionate, authentic loving man. I and I have discovered what I need to work on to make myself a better person for myself, those I love and love me. I am able to catch myself when I am going to make a critical statement and turn it into something positive, or at least less negative. I do see the joy in living and I have ask God the help me keep the compassion alive in my it works. I feel the opportunity to a new job is a great restarting point in my life, I will be confident and make the employer know the picked the right person. Do I find myself slipping in depression yes. It still hurts went a sit and think about her I do miss her and I do wish she would at least give it one more tr, but I know she is not interested. Until she believes that I do love her that will not happen. ( she told me that I did not love her, I did love her how could she she know what I feel). Though sleeping at night is difficult I find waking in the mornig to be easier now.
She send a message she says I am a " psycho ". I do not feel like one. How if anything should I respond to that. she is going to sell her rings, I have to said reading that is like getting hit is thegthegut with a 2 x 4 Why does she hate me so much?
