No more emotional abuse... I am learning to say no there right way. With compassion and understanding. I now know the I can be quick to judge. I have learned to there is a time when a conversation needs to happen and time when things need to be discuss when both parties are ready. I my marriage we never set time aside like that.
OK, so it is good that you set a boundary on accepting what you feel is emotional abuse. People can tell us a lot of potentially hurtful things, yet if we do not internalize it, we don't feel as though we are being abused.
The boundary is about protecting yourself, your emotions, until or unless you can not take what she says or does to you, personally. You needn't ever, yet it is always an option and possibility.
Saying "I will not accept this" (or similar) and then removing yourself from that situation is very appropriate, at this time.
Again, as far as waiting for a response from her, it still would likely be best that you leave that topic alone. When or if it happens, it will happen.
Why do you need a response from her? What is the reason for your anxiety over no response?
Kaffie, I am coming into a great number of opportunities new career, new place to live( get out of my parents house) I would love to share them with her. The anxiety of unknown. I want to move forward in my life. But there I feel bad leave her behind.
There are possible career opportunities, a new place, etc. That is great! With or without your W, these are things that are good to pursue!
What is likely happening is you are worrying about things that may or may not happen. Try to understand that you can always change your mind, later. Right now, your W does not want to be with you. She might be confused, but you can not live your life based on a hope that she may change her mind. Even if she does, you have no way of knowing if that will be tomorrow or a year from now. Right now, your decisions need to be how YOUR life will benefit into the future.
Having said that, as I mentioned you can always change your mind at a later date. You also can make sure that your life is positioned to accept SOMEONE into your life at some future time. It could be a new love or it could be your W. You are not closing a door to the possibility of having someone in your life.
You DO need to move forward. Your W can always join you, later. You may feel like you are leaving her behind, yet the reality is, she is choosing to be where she is, right now. If she stays stuck, there is nothing you can do about it. Nor is there anything you can do if she changes her direction to "move further away from you".
All you can do is keep your boundaries, move forward, and burn no bridges.
Thank you kaffie. W sent me a message stating she had an appointment to call the mediator, that was 2 days ago. So to ease my anxiety I email the mediator to find out if she did and she has not. W needed to reschedule her talk. How can my w blame me for dragging this out? She is the one who stalls everything. I makes me crazy. my mother said the my w is unhealthy for me....
Thank you kaffie. W sent me a message stating she had an appointment to call the mediator, that was 2 days ago. So to ease my anxiety I email the mediator to find out if she did and she has not. W needed to reschedule her talk. How can my w blame me for dragging this out? She is the one who stalls everything. I makes me crazy. my mother said the my w is unhealthy for me....
Edward, please remember that your mother will have her own opinion about your W, regardless of your current sitch. Also, your mother wants YOU to be happy. So she'll say things to you that are not just her personal biases, but also because she wants you to be happy.
That said, your mother could be right. But your W is unhealthy for you if you do not uphold your boundaries. Not just regarding your W, but anyone... maybe even your boundaries with your mother are weak. Something to think about, maybe.
Regarding the mediator, try not to judge your W because she "stalled" that discussion. You likely have no idea why and it could be very valid. Yes, things are delayed. That's all.
I am curious to know what your reason was to call the mediator? Were you simply trying to prove to yourself that your W didn't do it and so lied to you?
Remember that WAS and MLCers often tell the LBS something, especially if it has to do about dissolution, only to not follow through. It can be their way of trying to say, they need more space and more time.
