She has asked me again about mediation, I spoke with my therapist about returning there. This was me response to the first time she asked,
"Would your reactions be any different the last two sessions?
The decision about returning to mediation,I have been thinking if that is the right route base on the behavior that was displayed during our last one, it really concerned the mediator and I. I sat there with mediator for awhile after you left, she had asked me questions about you that could not answer. I was lucky enough that day to have an appoint with my therapist that afternoon, she was able to help me come to an understanding. I wanted to reach out to your brother, to make sure you were okay. My Therapist and my brother had talked me down from that as it would of most like just upset you more that I was talked to him. If you are uncomfortable with me or the decisions we need to make, you could have discussed that without putting me down or ignoring me. You have rights and so do I. Nothing that was being discussed during our sessions with the mediator was new, I was being open and honest, and have always been. The "complaints", we had about each other, that we did discuss during the few therapy session are not resolved by looking into why things in our past have may us the way we are, but are found in listening and understand each other. I was wrong to judge you in the matter and I apologize if I offended you in such away.
She did not say anything about how she would be different. Speaking with our mediator she seem to think that I might be wasting time and money in mediation, base on her reaction last time. How to I convey that to my W. without Being Parental? My therapist told my that I should write back "I would Like you to stay through the session so we can have a discussion. "
What did your therapist recommend to write to her? I strongly wouldn't tell her that the mediator was hesitant about going back because it would make her sound crazy. Even if she were she doesn't want to hear it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You are understandably upset and it is showing up as anger.
You THINK she is with an OM. Would that be a deal breaker, for you?
You saw that her message said "sent from iphone". It would say the same thing if it was sent from an ipad or itouch or if she was connected to wifi and using her phone through the wifi rather than through the normal cell network.
What "answer" do you WANT from your W?
She asked to go to mediation. Last time... what...? She didn't show up? So you won't go to mediation UNLESS she shows up?
Do understand that if mediation is set up and she does not attend, that's documented and does not look good for her if it goes to court.
At the end of the day, what do you think she wants?
What do YOU want?
What more have you done to improve yourself and what more are you planning to do to become a man that only a fool would leave?
Last time during mediation she got up said this is not going to work ran out called me disgusting. Tried to slam to mediator's door in my face screamed at me that she neverwanted to see me again. I sat there with the mediator for awhile she asked me if my wife was seeing a therapist becaise the behaviour wants uncalled for. That I need to understand that that she has toward me is not true. She has issues to work on. To me it seems like she does remember what happen. I would at least something recognizing what happen. I think was wants money. My therapist told my to respond " I would like you to stay through the entire session" Myself I have become more confident. I have really feel that I have grow emotionally, I am deal with things better. I have been more understanding and feel alittle more a peace with myself.
She got upset because I said I did not agree with how she withdrew her retirement to pay for plastic surgery but I supported her after it done. The mediator was trying to explain to her that it was a martial assest she spent on herself.
She got upset because I said I did not agree with how she withdrew her retirement to pay for plastic surgery but I supported her after it done. The mediator was trying to explain to her that it was a martial assest she spent on herself.
OK, so the mediator felt your W was not participating appropriately in mediation? Fair enough.
That does not mean you don't go back to mediation. Let your W set up another mediation / mediator. This is entirely her responsibility if she wants mediation.
