Sorry, but I have to say that regardless of how she or other women in her situation feel - no mom should leave her child. I'd rather my child not go to university than to be raised without me there.
We should just be thankful that we live in a country where that kind of choice doesn't have to be made. Right or wrong, I just know that it's often a painful choice for ladies like SDA Lady.
I have been pondering (what a surprise!) earlier comments that pointed out SDA Lady's lack of physical intimacy early on in the R as a sign of not being into me. I have to disagree. The fact is that Asian culture does not date in the same way as North American culture and I knew that going in. Voldy and I dated for one month before she would even let me kiss her goodnight. She married me for 17 years. The Philippines is a very conservative culture and physical contact, whether kissing, hugging, touching is very restrictive. I remember SDA Lady telling a friend that if she dated guys from here she had to be prepared for the fact that when they meet her they might actually want to shake her hand or even hug her. SDA Lady told her not to be alarmed by that because here it is considered acceptable. It was two months before SDA Lady would allow kissing. I think in her mind she was way over the line when she held my hand after three dates! We discussed the physical intimacy thing also, even doing "you-know-what", which is how she would refer to sex lol. She finally felt OK about physical intimacy (not sex yet...that took seven months) because her best friend told her "you're not dating in the Philippines anymore. Stop treating Whatis like you are!". So in my mind at the time and now, the physical intimacy thing was not a "sign" of anything but a lady trying to come to terms with two differing cultures. Often when women come here they either become like college kids away from home the first time (my co-worker lives with one of those) or they stick to what they know and it can certainly cause issues in dating. Now, the question is whether someone can deal with or wants to deal with that kind of cultural difference in a relationship. I'm kind of gravitating towards finding someone from where I'm from and one of the reasons I go to the church I do is because there are a lot of people from my culture there. It feels good. Anyway, I was talking to my co-worker today about this (we're good friends) and he told me he has a friend who's dating a Filipino and has been for a couple of years now. His friend told him that he wasn't allowed to kiss her for six months. OMG, that would make me insane! But, love is funny that way lol.
...and as for our outings, she would rave to any friend who would listen about how excited she was with what we did together, and yes, even the boring Science Centre lol!
Time to move fwd. you've learned some things that will help in the future. She has every right to be on POF - you dumped her. It should not matter if she joined after 2 months or 2 days - some people want to get right back on the horse.
Absolutely, time to move forward! I certainly have learned some things through this whole process which will guide me to a better place next time...whenever that may be
Wii - I think one thing you should learn out of this, is that you've got enough on your plate, so you need a partner who is stable enough in their own life that it doesn't add stress to yours.
I know I've dated some men who were having chaos in their lives, and EVEN THOUGH neither of them ASKED me for help, I still worried about their situations and needed up getting stressed out about it. So I've realized I need to find a guy who doesn't add to my already-high stress burden.
Doesn't mean partners don't help each other out - but I need a guy who carries his own weight, and knows how to live a life that isn't crisis-to-crisis.
Bingo! That is one of the major things on my list of things I learned, Kml. My best friend has been dating women from POF and he was dating a Filipino lady recently and after a few dates, although he liked her, he didn't continue. He said she'd talk over dinner about how hard her life was with tears in her eyes. He thought to himself "is this what I want to spend my life listening to?" Nope. He moved on.
...I also have to recognize and believe I have a right to have my needs met by my partner regardless of her situation. That means not excusing things because she's stressed, she's exhausted, she's dead...Ok, that one I might excuse. But, with SDA Lady I put my needs behind her needs. That may seem nice, but it's not attractive nor is it honest. If I deny my needs, why shouldn't she?
