I am just trying to work through what could likely have just been a vent, for you. I am guessing that based on what you just posted, you are not ready to pull the trigger, no matter how frustrated and tired of the limbo, you currently find yourself as.
I know how that feels, without a doubt. And I have not yet pulled the trigger, although I don't think there's a trigger for me to pull, I think in my sitch this is more just walking away from the metaphorical M grave site. For me, this year has brought with it the realization that beyond there is no fixing the broken M, there will be no "new M", either. My choice and has nothing to do with bitterness nor resentfulness.
That said, for me. Are you prepared to just keep moving forward, even in the frustrations, and allow the M to be ended only by your W's choice and the time of due diligence by the legal system?
Little update from yesterday. My W came to pick up my S. I was working from home. I ended up following up with my W on the last text I sent her where I asked her whether she just wanted me to follow up with my L on the last item we have on our agreement, whether she to discuss it via phone and try to work something out, whether she wanted to meet, or whether there was a remote chance our conversation changed anything. She gave me a very vague answer, but ultimately I clarified she wanted me to just work with my L on that item.
My W's reasoning is that she has a lot of things up in the air right now. She's jobless and she's living with her parents. The D is one thing she feels she can get closure on, so she can check that box, so to speak.
In part of our conversation, I just mentioned if we go all the way through the D process, that'll be it for me. I will close the door on the M. I didn't say it to get a reaction, it's just the way I feel. She said she understood.
We pretty much left it at that. I have started a dialogue with my L to at least get the agreement back in her court and we'll go from there.
Truth of the matter is I think that's exactly what I needed to do. My W will not see me as who I am if she views me as merely as getting in the way of what she feels she needs to do.
Are you prepared to just keep moving forward, even in the frustrations, and allow the M to be ended only by your W's choice and the time of due diligence by the legal system?
Yes, I am, if it goes that direction. From what I believe, it's in God's hands. I have no intention of trying to force anything. I will continue to live my life in the meantime.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Sorry, don't mean to go dark on y'all. I have been very, very busy lately - more than ever. Just got home from a weekend road trip to Atlanta.
I have been going back and forth with my L, getting our D agreement shored up. We will then pass it along to my W's L for them to review and make any changes they want to make.
I go through a range of emotions. Most of the time, I'm excited about the potential of the future. After all, GAL'ing has caused me to create a whole new life for myself. I am really looking forward to the prospect of having someone to share it with. There are times of anxiety, too. I think the times of anxiety come when there is something looming I have to deal with. TBH, if my W were to say she wanted to work on herself and wanted me to wait, I believe I would be receptive. However, she hasn't said that, so maybe she's giving me a gift.
On my W's side of fence, she has secured a job. She is looking for a new place to live. Last week, when she was out with my S, she picked him up in one car and came home with a new one. This is her third car since we've been separated now. If she finds a place to live, it will be her fourth residence. So she's making changes, but I don't believe they are the changes that matter.
jb - great to hear from you. You sound happy and to be building a new, happy life. She seems to be "stuck" in turmoil and unhappiness.
I hate hearing about the new cars, etc. I don't know you or her, but it sounds like she's taking advantage of you. Ultimately you will be paying for part of her mistakes. Buying and selling automobiles so quickly typically incurs a large financial loss that's just rolled into the next bad decision. When/if the divorce hits the final stage, you could be on the hook for half of that loan/lease which is probably filled with tons of negative equity.
In some ways her being slow about the divorce is her making a decision - which is that she's not committed to you and the marriage.
I only throw that out there because you seem like a stand up guy and don't deserve that.
I don't know how Ohio laws work but you might ask your attorney about seeking an injunction or temporary restraining order which in essence preserves the "status quo" financially so that neither party can run up debt or hide assets.
As you get closer to the final resolution - which ever way that may be - you need to take care of YOU and your son.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
