It will be interesting to see how this all plays out with H...I am grateful H has stepped up though! Yay!
Stay with the moment, let OWs show their true selves, focus on you and the kids. Maybe I'll write more on H later, right now I just want to stay with the positive T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I'm in this moment of pure joy with this little angel
Awesome! and....congratulations! Glad you have some sweet and peaceful moments to treasure!
How are the other boys enjoying their new baby brother?
Don't worry about H and his plans. They may change anyway so that would be wasted time worrying!
I'm so happy the birth went well and it's H that was there for you two, even if everything wasn't perfect to the outside eye, or even to your heart.....it WAS perfect in your love for your four boys and your H and also your family collectively!
You're a VERY special lady
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Raine, Congratulations on the birth of your son! I'm sure he's as cute as can be. I hope that you and your little boy are doing well.
As for your h, allow him to do whatever is necessary to help you and your family out while he's back at home. Take advantage of his assistance while you can!
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Raine, congratulations!! Glad to hear everyone is healthy and doing well!
As for the chastising (:)) Can I suggest something? If there is one thing I have a regret over it is not getting enough time to bond with my son when he was born. That's because I had my daughter and MIL. My daughter was easy. My MIL, not so much. She got in the way a lot and it took time to adjust that. My suggestion is that you let your H bond with the child and take the time to heal yourself. Let EVERYTHING else work itself out. I very much resented my MIL's behavior at the time and still do. I would have resented anyone that got between me and my children. Anyone.
For the next two weeks, just focus on what's important and not the other stuff. You have right here and now to enjoy the time and rest. Take that time to the exclusion of everything else. You deserve it and so does your family. There will be plenty of time for other things later if it's warranted.
Congratulations again. Very happy for you!
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hey Everyone! I thought I would pop in for a second and get caught up on some of the sitches. Things are going really well for me. H is here all day/all night, and we spend a lot of time together, just hanging out. He is extremely attached to the new baby. He holds him all the time, won't give him up to anyone. He wants to help me in the middle of the night, even though he sleeps on the couch. I've asked him almost every night to come in and hold the baby, not for my sake, but because I think H really wants to, but isn't going to ask. H sleeps half the night in the master bed, just holding the baby. I think it is the sweetest thing ever and I'm doing all I can to make sure he has those moments. This is not something he did with the other boys, but I kind of sense like he feels like he has his moment right now to be with the baby, and then it's going to go back to hardly seeing the kids anymore. It makes me cry to just type that out. It's hard for me to think he could be feeling that way and how sad that really is. It's moments like these that make me really grasp the amount of pain he must be in.
H has also been really good with the other boys, playing games with them, doing homework, taking care of meals. He is doing things around the house too, just helping out in anyway he can. His plan is to move back out when paternity leave is done, and I talk this way too. I've talked about when he moves out that he could keep doing the grocery shopping and get ours while he is getting his own. We're like really close friends. Some flirtations, but just joking, and low inhibitions (like him walking around in his underwear) but nothing husband/wife like.
I'm not talking about anything, and neither is he. I would suspect he is texting OW, but I'm just not concerned about that like I have been before. I feel like I'm so far away from reconciling any of this, that there are just more important things going on, as you all have pointed out too. I am just so happy that he is here and spending this time with the kids and bonding so tightly to this new little boy. 7-9 months back, the few months after BD, he said some horrible, awful things that I never thought I could forgive him for about this baby. I never thought he would be doing what he is doing now. Even a few days before delivery I didn't think he would be doing what he is doing now. I thought he would be here during the day for the kids and it would be hard to get him to even hold the baby. I'm so glad that I have been patient and allowed things to be in a place something like this could happen. Without this board and without doing research on MLC and DB, I would be divorce right now and possibly very bitter towards H. I may have never let him back in the door for anything, and that would be very sad for everyone, including me. I'm realizing more and more than somethings are more important than my marriage with H, and losing those things would be far more tragic than never getting back together with him.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
I am a mess right now. We just ended up in a R talk. H wants to move on. He said the following: I will never be able to forgive him. I'm too judgmental. I'll always bring the past up. 5 yrs from now ill be bringing it up I am strong and independent and don't need him I don't want him back even if he asked. I can do much better than him He has put me on a pedestal in so many ways. I deserve better than him
I can't even remember half the stuff he was saying. It's all a blur. .
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
He's all over the place, not making any sense, being contradictory.
I am sorry you're hurt. He's right, you deserve better than him. At least the him that he is right now. But it seemed like you thought the old him was pretty terrific... Do you still want to hold out for him?
Wish I had more advice for you. Please take care of yourself. Thinking of you, hoping tomorrow will be better for you
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
