I have no idea if he's squeezing, I just said grabbing. Often just the threat would be enough to get the boy to jump out of bed. I objected to the threats too.
What's different is I opened the conversations with the boys - S12 did actually try to leave the room and object to being spoken to disrespectfully and he called me and told on his dad, and I came home and we had a meeting about it and H apologized...that was before H moved out. It's a new skill we're all developing. With S15 I opened the conversation with him the other day to start getting him to think about whether to put a stop to the cup-of-coffee joke. I labeled it immature and inappropriate, those are things we can all agree about H's behavior sometimes.
It's easier to see, I think, when I focus on what's best for the kids. What's best for the kids is for them to develop the best relationship they can with their dad and learn how to set boundaries with him and feel that they have control over how they will be treated. What's my role in that? I think it's giving them tools, words, and self-respect; teaching them what they have a right to expect, and backing them up.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Labug I didn't think it was a cheap shot, it was a fair question. It's definitely debatable. There might be women who would have packed up their kids and left the home over the jokey name-calling, but you see Archie Bunker do it on TV. I tried to compensate for H's approach by being super respectful of the kids and super nurturing, and challenging him when I thought he was over the line. I read about lots of marriage dynamics like this in Dance of Anger, the more he was like X I was like Y, and I couldn't figure out how to bring us both closer to the center.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
