Is this cake-eating? 12

[lostinscared]

NLW,

Lots of hugs to you as you are struggling through this. I know this is a difficult time but you must be so proud of yourself for the strength and courage you have shown. It really is something to be admired.

Your latest struggle is probably one of the biggest ones that my friends and I have gone through. I spent a lot of time wondering for how long my H had been this jerk. Was it only for the last few years or was I deluded the whole 15? You know what I finally arrived at? For almost 13 years, my H really was wonderful to me. I don't believe for a second there was some sort of 15 year plan to screw me over. We had fun. We had a beautiful life. Something happened along the way and he wasn't so wonderful anymore. But that does NOT negate the life we had. That does NOT negate the wonderful things we were to one another. It's ok to be sad for what things are now. But try your best to resist the temptation to paint your R with one color. Because, most likely, that is not reality. You have beautiful memories and a beautiful family because of your H. You don't deserve to have all of that taken from you as well. Keep your memories because they are all yours. But deal with your present circumstances as they are now. You should feel no guilt. Be bold. Be bold in holding your precious memories and bold in dealing with your current reality.

I am praying for you.

LIS

[bustingout]

Hi NLW- I am thinking about you and sending my love and support. You show so much courage and strength. Take care of YOU and your children. They are so lucky to have you.
(((( ))))

[BklynMom]

Thinking of you.

This is not the end, it is only the beginning.

You can only be truthful.

[NLW]

Thanks LIS, Busting and Bklyn - my friends and constant supporters.

The fact that you are there for me is huge in getting me through this, I have no doubt.

Just wanted to remind everyone reading this of the power of 'act as if'.

STBX came over this morning to collect the kids to take them to visit his parents.

He'd sent an email the night before in his signature style (setting me up, on the record, as someone who thwarts his attempts to see the children):

"I've arranged with the kids to pick them up at 11am tomorrow. Please let me know if you are going to change their plans."

So, I refused to be drawn, and acted friendly and polite to him when he arrived. I offered a hot X bun and a coffee (no take-up) and chatted briefly about news.

He was Über-friendly and nice. Chatty even.

Maybe his L hasn't sent him my L's deposition yet....
In a couple days, we're going to be in court fighting for financial survival against each other.

This is weird.

[2chiquitos]

Sending you lots of hugs. BTW What are hot x buns?? lol!

[tori2012]

NLW, I know how hard this is. I'm sending you all my positive energy and strength to carry you through.

Why did you and your H go to court? Did you guys consider collaborative D?

Don't think of this as "fighting." Go in there with a sense of justice and still send him love.

[NLW]

Sending you lots of hugs. BTW What are hot x buns?? lol!

You're kidding right?

Hot Cross buns - for Easter: You don't know them?

I've just eaten my third for the day. They are an Easter staple over here.
Yeast buns containing fruit, decorated with a white paste cross on top.

Straight from the oven, halved and smothered with butter. Mmmmmm.

[NLW]

Tori,

Thanks for your sending this through.

Stbx insisted on court because I would not agree to his settlement offer.

He wrote down a few figures off the top of his head, and said that I had to give him $100,000 up front and half of my superannuation.

He refused point blank to provide ANY financial documentation to support his claim.

When i asked him to provide details of his income, bank accounts, recent tax returns, he threatened me with court.

I stood firm, and now here we are.

The next court date is to try to enforce discovery.
Again, it's just weird that he keeps maintaining that he doesn't need to provide any evidence of his finances. Likewise, that he thinks he doesn't need to provide any CS.

It's as if he has some sort of brain block.

But as he keeps telling me, it's all my fault that this is costing so much. If I would just do what he's told me to do (i.e. pay him half a million and keep the full mortgage debt on the house myself), everything would be fine.

[NLW]

Journalling..

Stbx brought the kids back from their first day out with him in months yesterday afternoon.

Just as he'd been when he arrived to pick them up, he was very friendly.

He came back into the house with them when he dropped them off (even though there was no need to).

When he was leaving, he said "Thanks", and used a special diminutive of my name - it's his nickname for me.

Again, weird. He was certainly UP.

Apparently he told the kids while they were out that he wanted to take them interstate on a flying holiday, one weekend soon.

Kids were shocked as they know he has not paid school fees or anything else of their financial needs.

[bustingout]

Hi NLW-I always find it weird when they become friendly out of no where. It used to give me hope---I used to think it was a sign of him softening up...but I have realised over the years its just his way now with me. Whatever his mood is he projects on to me. Now I just focus on not getting moved either way and getting out of his way.