Hey T2. I've been busy. Moved home. Been traveling to see s every 3 weeks. New job. Working hard. Playing hard.
Just when I think I'm over it. Done. Life is going well. I start missing my w again. So silly. I am happy. But I want to share that with her.
I met with a L to file for D. But I have put off moving forward with that. Maybe I will. But not today. I'm still clinging to hope.
Funny thing is...it started after a young lady has taken interest in me. She is attractive and always sweet. But there is nothing there for me. No feelings. No interest.
I sent w a nice msg full of compliments last night. Flirting like I used to. No return msg. So I don't know if it turned her stomach or got a smile out of her.
Gotta go. Meeting up with the fellas to check the hog trap.
So I have a little time. I will try to run down the last little while that I have checked out.
I moved home. I decided to move on with life. I felt that I was being held against my will. Ultimately it was me that was holding myself there. So I let go. Moved on to construct the life that I want to live.
W flipped out a bit on me. Talking about how we had made a decision together to move to this new place. We had planned to stay there for 2 years and they were not up. We still had a year left. I told W that she had also made a decision on our wedding day...till death do us part. Ugh...note to self, STFU.
I met with L before I moved. He said "yep, you have a case for custody. I give you a 50/50 shot. Just depends on the judge. It'll take 6 months to a year."
So I said 'f' it and made the best deal I could with W. I get all holidays, spring break, summer, and anytime I want to travel at my expense to have a weekend with S.
Since I have moved, I miss S terribly. Before this ordeal there was not a single day that I was not there to kiss him goodnight, or see his shining (or grumpy) face in the morning. It's tough. Thank goodness there is video chat. It's the only thing that keeps me hangin on sometimes. He is also very good about talking with me. I was worried because he tells his mother he's busy, call back later, when she calls. But we talk every night, and for 30 minutes or so at a time.
On my first trip back for a visit, W asked 3 different times for me to stay with them. I told her thanks, but I didn't feel comfortable there. After the final decline, she said "thats just stupid, but whatever." She hasn't offered the last two trips.
W has gone back to this depressed tone with me most of the time. No excitement at all in her voice. Nothing exciting to talk about either. She has talked with me a couple of times about work, and how crappy its going. I just try to listen, then say something positive about how hard she must be working.
We have had a couple of arguments over kid stuffs. I have held my ground on what I think is right, or fair, while staying calm. But I still get a raised voice out of her when I disagree. It's her way or no way, any other thought is just obsurd.
So I guess you are wondering, and I wonder myself, why on earth do you still want to spend your life with this woman?
Nevermind. You know. You are here just like me.
I've gained back all my worry weight. I don't look like a strung out crackhead anymore. I feel better too. I have found the enjoyment of simple things again. Cranking the radio to 11, a nice steak, a cold beer, the wonderful babble of the Ouachita River on a quiet night. I have a general positive outlook on life. I try to be an optimist in my dealings with others.
I AM a better person because of this. I wouldn't wish the pain on anyone. But I am proud of myself. And thankful. There is so much to be thankful for.
I thought I was ready to give up. Throw in the towel. But I still want my family back together, W hasn't filed for D, not interested in other women...looks like I'm still trying to save my marriage.
What now?
I plan on building a house. Building my company. Living life. Loving my son. Whatever sounds like fun.
It's a tricky spot to move on with life, yet still wait for your spouse. I need help with that. Am I waiting on her?
Can someone help me find a different mindset for that.
I initiated. I told her that I still had hope we could work things out. That she was right. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I told her I knew it would be alot of work, but something that I felt would be worth the effort.
She said she was not at the same place. She was unhappy when we were together. She told me but I just wouldn't listen. What has changed? Why do I want to try now?
She said she couldn't say that we won't get back together...but she is happy with the peace she has found.
So...it was a good convo...i guess. It was peaceful. I'm not crushed or overwhelmed with joy. Just even Steven.
PW you will know when the time is right to totally move forward with your life. It wouldn't come as a surprise to me that once you decided to move on and were ready to be with someone else that she would then want to come back.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
She said she was not at the same place. She was unhappy when we were together. She told me but I just wouldn't listen. What has changed? Why do I want to try now?
She said she couldn't say that we won't get back together...but she is happy with the peace she has found.
It sounds like she has discovered that contentment comes from within, but she still has not figured out (yet) that her previous discontent was not because of you. But that comment about "she couldn't say that we won't get back together" makes me think she's slowly figuring that out too. I think you've got a good shot if you give her more time.
I plan on building a house. Building my company. Living life. Loving my son. Whatever sounds like fun.
It's a tricky spot to move on with life, yet still wait for your spouse. I need help with that. Am I waiting on her?
Can someone help me find a different mindset for that.
From this, it sounds like you ARE moving forward, as much as possible, given you have a child together and all. You aren't waiting, you are building, living, etc. You are NOT stuck, maybe just slowly moving FORWARD, leaving the door open for right now...this is good, and even if you all had divorced, it is usually good to take some time without a new partner, know what I mean?
Quote:
She told me but I just wouldn't listen. What has changed? Why do I want to try now?
She said she couldn't say that we won't get back together...but she is happy with the peace she has found.
I agree with AS, and I also want to ask, how did you respond to the bold questions above?
25yrsmlc drives home the core question in many posts: "What will be DIFFERENT now, versus then?" That is what your W sounds like she wants to know...
She sounds like she is coming to terms with things, gaining self-knowledge, etc...this is good, you don't want it when she is 40 something
You haven't shut the door, neither has she...Now, how can you show her that her concerns are/were heard AND acted upon? What will be different married to PW now?
Hang in there and I am so happy you are doing things, building things, etc! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T2, I didn't answer the questions directly. I said "I understand your concerns. I am not interested in returning to the way things were. That sounds scary."
I figure actions are better than words. I have just been positive, friendly, and supportive.
It's a tricky spot to move on with life, yet still wait for your spouse. I need help with that. Am I waiting on her?
This is - to me - the unsolvable puzzle: how to move on, but be ready to work on R if the opportunity presents itself. From what I gather, there aren't any magic words or shortcuts, you just have to get there. And when you're there, you'll know it. GAL'ing helps you get there, but it seems you already know that.
Me? I don't want to go to that place if it means I'm not in love with W, so that's holding me back. I'm still trying to get there on my own terms and that just doesn't seem to work. I hear you have to figure out how to let go, but I can't help you in that department.
Best wishes.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
