New thread. My journey begins. Today- I start to find myself. I will strive to better myself. I will learn from my mistakes that I make and not dwell on them. I will become a kinder more giving person. I will work towards becoming happy. I will learn to unconditionally love myself. I will unconditionally love my daughters. I will be ok.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I like the new attitude on this thread. Let's keep that up!
Macro photography is pretty cool and some of the coolest shots I've taken. Been looking to buy myself a dedicated lens for this. Get out and take some shots and concentrate on that for a while.
Originally Posted By: mach1
get out this weekend and shoot some film...
What is this film that you speak of?
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I mean, going to work and the gym are not enough. The gym probably reduces stress and you'll look better. But it's solo.
Work is work. Are you doing anything new there? Having lunch out or with a coworker might be good OR going to a noon meeting of some sort near where you work...
MEET NEW PEOPLE who do not know your sitch.
I posted to you about GAL 2 months ago. Have you joined a single club or organization or volunteered anywhere?
No… Thoughts are taking a cooking class and finding a place to volunteer for something.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Have you gone to church or a meeting of some sort OR signed up for a class?
No… I will look at our parks and rec for a class.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Made a new friend? These are cheap/free things to do that WILL HELP YOUR PMA and you need that.
No, making a new friend would be a great thing for me, yet I am terrified of doing it.
Originally Posted By: jp787
Needgrace- Thanks for the info on free series on self compassion and kristin neff, I will look. I got the audio book.
urworthy - thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I either feel like a failure or guilt or both.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
JP, do You believe in redemption? Can someone who once behaved in a way they don't like or approve of, ever change?
Honestly I am not sure. That is bad for me. I wonder if I need to learn to forgive to feel that I can change.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Didn't YOU do just that w/your porn addiction a few years ago? So, why can't you feel a sense of redemption NOW?
I discount it. I only stopped because of the sitch. I never plan on going back though, so I need to give myself credit for that.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Why all the guilt and sense of failure now? Your wife finally snapped and after years of her own pain she has chosen an unhealthy way of dealing with her pain. But it IS HER choice.
All you can do is stay on your path of redemption. That is where your focus needs to be.
All this other NOISE about what SHE MIGHT DO with Oms and the Sexting is crazy nonsense at your end. Not something you need or should be dealing with at all. It's just noise. Don't let it in.
Like I said, do you think it would HELP or HURT your w to stare at every single porn picture YOU looked at, over the years, so she could KNOW what you were up to and lied to her about?
That's what YOU spent a ton of time asking us about and whether YOU had to know if she was sexting strangers or lying and if so, what to do...and I pointed out your own behavior preceeded hers by a decade of that type of almost sex with others, stuff.
My point is We know it would NOT serve any good purpose for her to go look and stare at what was so hurtful to HER.
So apply that to YOU and stop the incessant obessive and dare I say it, ADDICTIVE behavior of yours where you keep on thinking about what SHE IS DOING/thinking/feeling/planning..
instead, focus only on YOUR PATH TO REDEMPTION.
Stop it.
I understand logically, I just emotionally feel I have to know. I need to push past that and let it go. That is going to be the hardest part for me.
Originally Posted By: jp787
Seem like I should just keep my mouth shut as nothing good ever comes from me speaking. Had a great day, W text me saying she is down, I talk here through it and she feels better, later in texting I said something wrong and everything goes to sh!t.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
what a dramatic shift... Did you push for more closeness than she wanted instead of backing off OR Did you try to control something not within your control? FIND OUT WHY it ruined a good conversation and learn from it.
Stop the learned helpless/hopeless routine. It's so not attractive AND it's so not working.
That is true, I need to snap out of the poor me crap.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I like the new attitude on this thread. Let's keep that up!
Macro photography is pretty cool and some of the coolest shots I've taken. Been looking to buy myself a dedicated lens for this. Get out and take some shots and concentrate on that for a while.
Originally Posted By: mach1
get out this weekend and shoot some film...
What is this film that you speak of?
That confused me too!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Spent the last 24 hours with W, had an amazing time. Before she left she said she had a statement to make. She said she wanted to us to be friends no matter what happened. That she hated that her parents couldn't be in the same room together after they divorced. So This hits me as she is thinking down the lines of divorcing. Am I reading into this or does that ring true?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
//Am I reading into this or does that ring true?// Does it matter? Your W is going to do what she is going to do. 'D' is a big decision with lots of implications; kids, finances, change, etc... Regardless of how confident she seems, she probably doesn't know what she wants. I know my W waffles daily. Don't give this any thought.
W said she could no longer handle me monitoring the cell bill and watching who she talked to, how much and when. I gave her the password and told her to change it. It is now hers. This is going to be tough, but needed.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
