Ok, allow me to explain a little. I'm seriously not being a downer. There are just times that things become more clear than ever before.
1)No one likes a wimp. Unless you are bleeding profusely, fainting, or throwing up constantly to the point of exhaustion there is no reason to advise anyone of pain or illness. No one needs to know.
There isn't a reason to mention pains. I have them pretty much 24/7 and any mention of a pain brings eye rolling and complaints that I'm 'always' hurting somewhere. The next phrase....'when are you ever well?' Since this is one of the things that I feel led to the bomb, there will not be any mention again unless any of those drastic things is happening. Sucking it up isn't going to cost me much.
2)When you are told to do what you need to do.....that NEVER means they actually want you to do it.
The convo goes: Me:I'm out of money until the middle of the month but we need groceries. Him: Use money from my account and go. I carefully make a menu for the week, pull as many coupons as I can find for what is on the list, go get the groceries and then get a phone call giving me grief for the amount the groceries cost. Gees, give me a break! I spent less than normal, got a full week of good, healthy food, and still I'm getting crap for it. Ok then....ramen nightly it is. I still have enough left to buy enough of that to feed a small army since it's basically 10 cents per metric ton!
3)No matter how often you express your feelings to someone, if they aren't returned in some manner you are wasting your time and energy.
It's not worth expending precious energy expressing yourself over and over expecting (there is that nasty word) to get a different result. It kind of goes back to that insanity thing.
4)There are few people in the world who will care about you. YOU need to be the one constant in your own life who will care about you. Don't ever expect anyone else to. If it occurs, it's just a bonus.
I had forgotten about the zero expectations rule. Simple. Stop expecting anything from other people. That sets them up for failure in your eyes and you for disappointment.
5)Make a plan with flexibility built in, that way when it inevitably gets messed up you won't be so stressed about it. You have another direction to head.
What was wrong with this? It's a smart way to plan. Always have a backup in case of failure and in my case, most roads lead to failure so a second plan is a good plan!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I think you've just realized something again today. It's never going to get better than this. It is what it is. If you accept it - then it's your life.
YOU need to be the person you want to be with. You're the only person you can really count on.
I have never been a fan of Gabe's or of you staying with him. Frankly, that is because it reminds me so much of my marriage. And I would not have that back for the world. At one time - I really wanted that back. But being out of it now makes me realize how very draining and depressing that would be.
If "I" tell you what I think you need to do it is because I am hoping with my life that you will do it. But I think you are letting fear rule rather than taking that tiny step towards independence.
If you have to "explain" what you need to buy in the way of groceries for a man who is eating with you - that absolutely ridiculous. You are not his mother. Send him to the store with the list and let him get the food.
If you are in pain - you need to go to the dr and if you don't get the answers you need - go to another dr, clinic whatever. If Gabe does not care about your pain - DO YOU REALLY WANT TO LIVE WITH THIS MAN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE???
Mish - I love your posts on Facebook - it gives me a better insight to who you are. I think you are a fun-loving, caring, kind girl. One I would love to have nearby as a girlfriend to hang out with. I honestly think you would be 10 times happier ON YOUR OWN than with someone who brings you down so much.
LISTEN to yourself.
And some people really DO care. Count me in as one please.
I can't post at work anymore because I am able to sign I but the minute I get on a thread I am logged out. Not sure if it is work or DB.
They say you attract who you are. Once you think more highly of yourself, things are bound to change. I think that scares you. Have you ever asked yourself what you would do if you knew that you couldn't fail? Give it some thought.
Hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I've been thinking about the question you asked Kat. I'm frankly totally stumped. I have no idea what I would do if I knew I couldn't fail. That's such an abstract concept that I can't wrap my tiny little brain around it.
I don't have much ability to be forward thinking. It's all about living in the right now and not thinking about anything further than that.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Had my birthday.....glad that's over! They just aren't fun past a certain age are they?
I've been working hard on concentrating on myself more and on others less. It is going well so far. I belong to a group on FB of people who all met at the auditions for The Biggest Loser last year. We all support each other in our weight loss journey among other things. This last Saturday, we had a group workout, Biggest Loser style, with Lauren Lee (she was a contestant a couple of years ago, lost 89 pounds and is a certified personal trainer now). I'm still hurting but I learned a LOT! I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for. It's not going to sound like much, but I did 5 pushups on my hands and toes, no knees! That was some sort of miracle! I've never been able to do that! I did all sorts of other things that were out of my comfort zone too.
Just wanted to share that with you all!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Mish: It sounds like you are following through on some of the goals you set for yourself this year. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
It is so hard to start a new exercise and healthy eating plan and actually stick to it. But getting involved in a like minded support group is a great idea. You hold each other accountable.
I dragged my butt off the couch last week and went back to the gym. Several of us have committed to a workout, detox plan. I meet my workout buddy 3 days a week, have committed to removing several things from my diet and doing 20 min of cardio on my non gym days. I think it will work because it is NOT a diet and I DO go to the gym because I have promised Linda I will be there.
I think when you exercise - it totally improves your mood and your outlook and empowers you in so many other areas.
Good for you. Oh snd did I hear you say that you did something that you hadn't been able to before? That is the secret to your future. How great did that feel? Didn't your friends appreciate what you did? You are getting there my dear friend, nothing can stop you now!
Kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
